Bad idols.

Being a housewife meant I have an abundance of time, which I've spent a good portion of just reflecting on the choices I've made in the past.
Particularly, on how I've treated & even dismissed people just to get what I want in life.
Realizing how selfish my younger self was has been one of the biggest regrets in my life.
& it always puzzled me how I could have been so mean & believed it to be justified.
Until a recent stroke of fate which brought 2 Sweet Valley The Unicorn Club books into my possession.
I started reading it this morning, expecting to feel nostalgic & "what a great book this is, I'll make sure Hilwa reads it during her primary school years too".
But instead what I found what a hell no in every page.
Those 5 girls, who are supposedly the model of what best friends should be to young girls, are nothing but mean to each other.
They are purely selfish, scheming, never doing something kind for someone else without having an ulterior motive, & they talk bad about their friends behind their backs all the time.
Also, letting other people dictate what you wear, how you talk, how you dress, who you hang out with, under the pretense that they're your friends & "cares".
Oh god I really could go on & on.
Seriously, this is the book every girl was supposed to read at the age where they are learning about friendship & acceptable behavior?
No wonder I was such a bitch.
In high school, my best friend's boyfriend wanted to break up with her, I HELPED HIM PLAN HOW TO DUMP HER.
In primary school, there was a girl who was a bit on the awkward side, MY FRIEND AND I PRETENDED TO BE A POPULAR GUY ONLINE & CONFESSED TO HER because we thought it was funny.
Bad mouthing my own best friends to other people just to fit in/appear cool? DID THAT ALL THE TIME.
& these are just off the top of my head at 3 am.
Well I guess ow I know why, because those unicorn girls never had to face the consequences.
Sure they bicker with each other a lot, then the scene ends & starts up again somewhere else, & everyone was perfect.
But that's not how real life rolls. That's NEVER how real life rolls.
You really hurt people, you lose their trust, sometimes you lose a really good person. Forever.
I can't decide between finishing the book fast or putting it down after every page.
Reading it makes my skin crawl. The thoughts each girls have about their supposed best friend is just insane.
& what's with having a rich brat, who is most synonymous with the word 'snob', be sorta like a heroine that young girls should aspire to be.
I remember vividly, & very shamefully, my Unicorn Club phase during primary school, where I walked about school carrying a "handbag" & rolled my eyes at teachers who refused to let me go on a toilet break with a girlfriend.
I honestly don't remember how these books end, I'm foolishly hopeful there's some sort of moral-of-the-story shit at the end but I seriously doubt it.
Oh god. I don't want Hilwa to grow up this way & have the same regrets.
I know I should let her have her own experiences & memories & leave her to learn her own lessons.
But maybe I should start reading the books first before I let her read lol.
I wonder if she'd wanna have a discussion with me after finishing each book.
Is that cool mom or uncool people?
I'm this side of 30, I really can't tell anymore tiihii.