On nikah.

I haven't really been able to string words together, let alone jot in down, regarding my wedding.
I guess moments would do.
Reflecting on the day before my wedding,
I guess if I could wish for one thing, I would wish for more time.
So that I didn't rush around like a mad woman,
So that I took my time feeling, realizing, being.
But I do not regret any of the things I did,
Especially my bouquets, which I personally picked out the flowers, prepped & pieced together.
I loved them.
& thank god for all the rush, I actually fell asleep at 1 am peacefully.
The day of the wedding itself,
I really only could recall moments.
Kak Gayah coming into my room at 6 am, & me being wide awake, fresh.
Driving through Taman Tun as the sky slowly turns light, the town silent & calm.
Being driven to the mosque by my best friends,
& then everything is a blur of rushed moments.
I don't remember when Ikhwan walked in,
But I remember looking at him walk to one corner of the mosque to sembahyang sunat.
I remember not being able to quiet my thoughts, even though I tried so hard to focus on the khutbah nikah, etc.
& I vividly remember my blood rushing &a almost like it's boiling when Ikhwan said the lafaz.
I remember thinking, this is probably how the vampires feel when they get blooded.
I literally felt my blood heat up & started rushing around to different parts of my body,
Like they all suddenly decided to switch places & went all at once.
& then again it was a blur of moments.
The tear dropping on Imara's face as she wiped mine.
The awkwardness of touching Ikhwan's hands in a mosque, in front of all of our families,
& crying even more when I saw Ika actually made it there.
I would have loved to spend more time at the mosque that day,
Take it all in,
Spend time with the most important people in my life,
But what mattered most was
I'm a wife!

Perks on paper.

I have since bought the Perks book,
& I'm a little over halfway through with it.
I love how Charlie writes in the book.
I love how in the beginning he doesn't really make sense,
then he gets slightly better with each paper that he writes for Bill,
& you can always tell when he's having a bad day because he would start to not make sense & jumble up his sentences again.
I love Stephen Chbosky for successfully writing as a mentally disturbed 16 year old boy.
& I just wanted to write that.
That's all.

Perks.

I am probably officially obsessed with The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I admit, the only reason why I so wanted to watch it was because of Emma Watson.
& the little things I knew about it (prior to watching) was that it is from a book (which I find lame, because it's another book-turned-movie thing),
& whatever was written on the IMDb page, which I didn't even remember anymore.
I started watching the movie yesterday afternoon after hubs left for work,
It was a typical afternoon where the moment I made myself comfortable on the bed & was ready to watch it,
my facebook chat, gtalk & whatsapp beeped all at once.
But I soldiered on,
& halfway through gave up, went out to OU.
But even without being able to concentrate, I couldn't get the movie off my mind.
I came home at 8.30pm & watched it again.
From the start.
& I don't know if it's because of the distractions of the afternoon,
or because I already know that much,
But watching it the second time around was even more.. gripping? interesting? I don't know.
The small details started jumping out at me,
like the characters' expressions & the focus to certain scenes.
But at this point I just wanted to finish it,
& find out what's going on.
Then the credits rolled & I wasn't satisfied.
There were so many other stories within it that wasn't given an ending,
or even an explanation.
I started digging, reading on the book's wiki page.
& today, in the hopes of stopping myself from watching it a third time, I'm reading movie reviews.
& I found one review which explained it to me,
That it's not just to me that these feelings were brought on by the movie,
it's that every one feels it too.
Senior year of high school,
& as described in this movie, feeling infinite,
or to me, feeling golden.
Of late night drives accompanied by meaningful songs,
& those we love,
feeling suspended in that moment,
the past don't matter & the future don't exist.
I don't know about you,
but that was the best time of my life.
When life was all about freedom, irresponsibility & love.
& ultimately, friends.
Now I've gotta go & buy the book!