Twilight: a review (aca-believe-it!)

These past few weeks I've been obsessively reading the entire twilight saga.
Long story short, I got curious.
Stumbled upon midnight sun, which is the leaked half-written Edward's pov of twilight.
Then I was like, oh what the heck, let's read everything.
I'm gonna say I'm proud of how matured I've grown, being able to patiently read this (oh yes it takes GREAT patience) & come up with my own opinions, finally,
As opposed to the blind hating I was doing back when it was all the rage & everyone was just hating it.
The twilight that I knew was purely based on the movies, & let's be honest, the acting really sucks.
Anyways, it was going pretty good to me up to book 3.
I especially enjoyed book 2 & the development of Jacob's character.
Seriously, lautner didn't do him justice.
I'll admit I was so angau the whole of book 2 ( but then later he just got all immature & rude & annoying, I got over him pretty fast)
But then book 4 just went downhill.
I hate the fact that Stephanie Meyer couldn't even sacrifice a tiny bit of Bella's happiness by at least cutting ties with her dad.
They went through like 2 wars, multiple attacks, she carried a baby that was literally shredding her from inside out, & absolutely no one died?
C'mon.. where's the fun in everyone getting a happily ever after?
She didn't even have to part with Jacob, who conveniently imprinted on her daughter.
Boooring.
Harry Clearwater's death doesn't count coz it didn't even affect Bella,
& personally I feel Stephanie Meyer did that just so Charlie could get his happy ending with Sue.
Again, booooring.
So now I finally feel justified in hating this series lol.
Couldn't help comparing to Darren Shan the whole way.
That said, though, my absolute favorite part throughout all 4 books is that small part on Quil & Claire at the beach.
Because of course I'd be touched whenever a small girl is involved lol.
I don't remember the exact words, but something in the way Jacob was reflecting on how Quil treats Claire unlike other parents who just looks bored & impatiently waiting for the next nap time that gave me a real tight slap.
I don't want to be that kinda parent.
I want to be Quil.

The lusting continues.

Dear husband,
The latest item on my lust list is a kokadi flip.
It's an SSC btw,
One that is so cool that Hilwa & Izzaz can share it at the same time.
You know how easy it is when Hilwa is throwing one of her tantrums & we put her into the tula with just a snap here & a snap there?
Well now imagine having to bring only one gear out,
Not having to pause so long everytime I need to wrap/sling Izzaz up,
Instead, just snap snap & he's up.
I've been thinking a lot about our upcoming trip back to Kelantan & the idea of having to bring the stroller & the tula & most probably the wrap for Izzaz is already so tiring for me.
I know I can just bring 1 ring sling & both Izzaz & Hilwa can use it but people are saying the aluminium rings will trigger the alarm when passing through the body scan.
& that's probably a really bad excuse because I'm sure such incidence can be easily explained,
But it's always more fun to buy something new right lulz.
Haihh this confirms that there really isn't such a thing as being stashified (the feeling of being satisfied with your stash/collection of gears).
I'm still hogging every single thing I own & now I've managed to find yet another one I 'absolutely need'.
What I really need, though, is to put my foot down.
No new gears until I let go either the TSF or one of the ring slings.
The tula is definitely staying,
Just last Sunday Hilwa fell asleep in it on my back & all it felt like was a light backpack.
Hands down best gear I ever bought.
But then who knows if in the future it's the kokadi flip?
Tihii

Progress report.

Izzaz is now 3 months old.
No longer that cold all the time, though he does puke if I'm stupid enough to change his diaper with the aircond on or something.
He has, unbelievably, learned to roll over.
But sometimes I think it's just coz he's so round that he can't help tilting over lol.
So he sleeps on his front most of the time now,
& Hilwa wakes up in the night for milk more than he does,
Mainly coz she still refuses to eat properly throughout the day which makes her hungry at night.
Another thing about Izzaz is that lately he's been making this weird growling cry whenever he wants attention.
It sounds exactly like the sound he makes when he's been crying too long & I don't pick him up,
But his face will be relaxed, sometimes even cheerful, like he knows the sound would make me scramble to him & he's just teasing me.
Silly boy.
Ever since he started rolling over I haven't been having the best sleep.
Now I get assaulted from both sides.
I put him to sleep by nursing him while lying on my left side every night,
& when he's out I will roll away from him,
But now he will just roll with me then wriggle til he's pressed into my side,
& Hilwa will do the same on my right so I'm usually left lying on whichever side I nursed last, with the other kid pressed into my back,
& any major movements like getting up to go lie down someplace else or moving them to clear some space for me will wake either one or both of them.
So yeah,
I can't wait for them to move into their own beds urgh.

Nonsense.

Why aren't babies born with at least the sense to know what's good for themselves?
Like knowing when to stop drinking once they've had enough,
Lest they projectile vomit.
Or knowing not to wiggle & roll around with a full tummy,
Lest they projectile vomit. Again.
Especially after getting a fresh change of clothes.
& also knowing to keep their voice down when their sibling is asleep/falling asleep so mama can then give them her full attention.
Especially you, Izzaz, you know full well when your sister is up, all she wants to do is step on your forehead.
& Hilwa, if you're reading this like 15 years from now,
Yes you did step on your brothers head, deliberately, a lot.
& you received as many slaps from me, deliberately.
Sheesh kids.
All I want to do is lie down on the bed & play candy crush T.T

Hoard them all.

Ok as usual, I'm leaving my observations here.
The 99 stars ring sling has been working perfectly for Izzaz.
So today I decided to bring the COK out just to compare,
& it's still slippery for me.
I'd always have to keep at least one hand on his bum to keep him high, not sliding down & in m-shape.
So I kinda thought maybe it's time I let the COK go & free up some funds.
But of course my hoarder self decided to put Hilwa in it just to see what happens,
& it held up like a dream for her.
Of course.
So then I decided to try her in the 99 stars,
You know, maybe she's just a very experienced wearee that everything works with her.
Neah.. Not so much.
Great, now they each have their own ring sling urgh.
So I'm thinking, maybe Izzaz just needs to grow a bit.
By the looks of things, I think he'll grow out of the 99 stars & into the COK.
& I guess I'll hold on to the TSF til the end of this year,
See if I reach for it more or if I'm just content with ring slings.
No more new gears most definitely.
Til I sell at least one thing.
I should stop looking at FSOTs, seriously.

Oh. Since we're on the topic of consumerism right now,
I actually saw a jujube bff in the wild just now.
In the first mate print.
I almost fainted right there in jusco,
Seriously considered going up to the mama & asking to raba the bag lol.
But then of course I went all bitchy instead,
& whispered to ikhwan "pakai ergo je" bahahah.
But for someone to own a jujube here in Malaysia, she must be very American.
& for that thank god she wasn't wearing a baby Bjorn instead, youknowwhatimean.

To my two girls.

I wouldn't say my weekend was overly eventful,
But it was pretty significant.
I've gone from nervousness to excitement, calmness & now determined whatever-ness if that even makes sense.
I'm lying here on my bed, it's an hour til Sunday is over & I suddenly feel
Tired,
Glad,
& I miss my two girlfriends too much.
I just stumbled upon a wall post Lin left on my fb which is a snippet of a blog post she wrote probably 5 years ago?
Or more?
& I'm torn between missing that & feeling glad I still have that.
That we go soooo way back that I can bring up even stuff that happened during our primary school years & not have to explain anything to them.
It'd be awesome to be able to duduk di celah-celah tiang glojy with the two of them overanalyzing life decisions right now though.
I don't say this with regret, sadness or anything.
I just miss them,
& I am so ready to move forward with them & spouses (& kids soon please!),
Collecting more life stories sans bad life decisions hopefully.

Chopper's regret.

I juuuust received my kokadi 99 stars ring sling.
Swear to god, my first thought upon touching it was "damn I shouldn't have chopped this".
It is so insanely soft & marshmallowy (now I get that term), it would have been awesome as a wrap.
It made my TSF feel rough ok.
But whatever, you can't unchop a wrap.
As a ring sling it's still super yummy.
Popped Izzaz in & everything just locked into place,
The seat feels secure (unlike the slippery COK that I've been complaining about),
& I absolutely love the monochrome stars.
Oh & I'm actually quite digging the baby fizzy hybrid shoulder.
Well-padded & neat.
Geez I'm so in love.
But right now I really have this strong urge to just sell both the TSF & COK then hunt down a size 6 99 stars lol.
& this makes me so curious how the octagram feels (which, btw, the owner of the brand daiesu happens to be my BIL's neighbor, I almost had a heart attack when I found out) coz I don't think I wanna buy anymore wraps if it isn't as soft as this one.
Ok Hilyah let's just freaking chill,
Try the ring sling out with different clothes,
Take it out for a spin,
Then we'll see what happens k.
Bawak mengucap.

Boundary.

This article is so good, I have tears in my eyes.
Tears from the realizations it brings,
From the guilt I feel due to how I treat Hilwa sometimes (ok, most of the time),
Of hope & determination to get over this stage closer than ever to each other.
I shall leave this here for my future self on those days Hilwa (& Izzaz) decides to be a galloping horse, or a flailing fish, or any other non-human form they fancy.

http://idealistmom.com/terrible-twos/

What is motherhood?

It is wishing desperately for some time away from your kids,
But the moment you leave them, you miss them;
Handing them over to your husband so you can have some quiet time in the room,
But end up scrolling through pictures of them in your phone (or blogging about them);
To be able to eat a nice meal without interruption, & at your own sweet time,
But not being able to take a bite because you're wondering if they're hungry at home;
It is wishing they won't depend on you so much sometimes,
But feeling offended the moment they put someone else above you;
Impatiently waiting for them to fall asleep,
Then wanting to kiss their innocent faces til they wake up again;
It is missing your husband so, so much,
Even when he's beside you,
Because the moment you turn towards him, someone will definitely stir & demand your full attention,
But then if no one did stir, you're kinda too tired you'd rather be asleep instead;
Because the moment this person that was made from pieces of you, inside of you, came out of you,
You'll never, ever feel whole when they're not around.
Now imagine if we feel that way towards every single piece of our faeces lol.