I feel compelled to do this.
Sebab kalau nak harapkan badan-badan kerajaan ni tolong kita & senangkan hidup kita,
memang tak lah.
So we shall help each other, okay?
This is regarding PTPTN.
Perbadanan Tabung Pendidikan Tinggi Nasional.
Specifically on Pengecualian Bayaran Balik Pinjaman,
for those who graduated their degree with a first class honours.
Kalau anda-anda semua tengok dekat website PTPTN,
it's written there that the salinan ijazah and transcript kena sahkan dekat "bahagian akademik IPTA/IPTS".
That's total & honest bullcrap.
The actual pengesahan they want is from UNIT REKOD PELAJAR & KONVOKESYEN.
Kalau anda-anda orang UiTM Shah Alam, ni pejabat yang dekat menara, atas post office tu.
Tempat kita ambik mini transcript, etc.
Please do not make the stupid mistake of mine for fully trusting PTPTN & their information.
As for the surat permohonan,
if you're lazy enough to actually ask from someone,
leave me a comment & I'll email you mine.
I hope this helps.
25.9.12
Rindu.
I actually successfully forgot about 23rd September,
made it through about half an hour of it blissfully watching a movie with Ikhwan,
until Imara whatsapp-ed bluntly saying 'it's Izwan's birthday'.
My first thought, honestly, was 'you idiot, imma smack you!'.
My second reaction was feeling glad I didn't do the same to Kin both on Afiq's 8th year and also birthday.
Because it was honestly annoying.
& it's not annoying because Imara reminded me,
but it was annoying because it hurt.
I have managed to brush aside, suppress, forget and erase most of my thoughts about Izwan for quite some time.
Reading back my previous posts, I actually wasn't emotional during his birthday last year.
But this year,
urgh last Sunday it came back full force.
I guess it's due to my occasional freak-out-ness about getting married end of this year,
& also because suddenly there are pictures of him everywhere.
I'm scared if I stare at them too long or too much, I'll start getting those dreams of him again.
Ah, the dreams,
it's a whole different matter altogether.
The reason why I'm still blogging about someone I wasn't even particularly close to,
5 and a half years after his death,
is because I lived a whole other world with him in my dreams.
Dreams in which I felt his touch & his presence lingers long after I awake.
Now I know I write like someone who's in love,
& maybe at some point I crazily was,
because sometimes these dreams of him was the only thing that made sense.
But what's worse is I love him much more than that.
He was like a brother to me,
a younger brother I never had,
& for a good part of my life,
I've lived believing he will eventually be my brother,
even if it's just by law.
So, tonight, accompanied by songs that will be played during my wedding soon,
I'm typing this,
because I'm at a risk of staring at pictures of him if I don't do something else,
& praying that I will see him tonight,
& every night that follows, if I can get away with it,
until I go mad,
or until he comes & takes my hand for good.
Because I miss him this much.
You silly thing, I know you're in a much better place,
& that Allah loves you so, so much.
Al-fatihah.
& secara bad timing nya, Endlessly is playing.
made it through about half an hour of it blissfully watching a movie with Ikhwan,
until Imara whatsapp-ed bluntly saying 'it's Izwan's birthday'.
My first thought, honestly, was 'you idiot, imma smack you!'.
My second reaction was feeling glad I didn't do the same to Kin both on Afiq's 8th year and also birthday.
Because it was honestly annoying.
& it's not annoying because Imara reminded me,
but it was annoying because it hurt.
I have managed to brush aside, suppress, forget and erase most of my thoughts about Izwan for quite some time.
Reading back my previous posts, I actually wasn't emotional during his birthday last year.
But this year,
urgh last Sunday it came back full force.
I guess it's due to my occasional freak-out-ness about getting married end of this year,
& also because suddenly there are pictures of him everywhere.
I'm scared if I stare at them too long or too much, I'll start getting those dreams of him again.
Ah, the dreams,
it's a whole different matter altogether.
The reason why I'm still blogging about someone I wasn't even particularly close to,
5 and a half years after his death,
is because I lived a whole other world with him in my dreams.
Dreams in which I felt his touch & his presence lingers long after I awake.
Now I know I write like someone who's in love,
& maybe at some point I crazily was,
because sometimes these dreams of him was the only thing that made sense.
But what's worse is I love him much more than that.
He was like a brother to me,
a younger brother I never had,
& for a good part of my life,
I've lived believing he will eventually be my brother,
even if it's just by law.
So, tonight, accompanied by songs that will be played during my wedding soon,
I'm typing this,
because I'm at a risk of staring at pictures of him if I don't do something else,
& praying that I will see him tonight,
& every night that follows, if I can get away with it,
until I go mad,
or until he comes & takes my hand for good.
Because I miss him this much.
You silly thing, I know you're in a much better place,
& that Allah loves you so, so much.
Al-fatihah.
& secara bad timing nya, Endlessly is playing.
19.9.12
Stand Up and Run.
Getting lost in Billy Talent's Stand Up and Run tonight.
It's such a heartbreaking love song.
I'm allowing myself this one moment of weakness,
because it is the only thing that makes sense to me.
With Ben's voice,
& the simple, familiar strum of the guitar,
one can't help but be swept up with the mood.
You come to a point where you are actually conscious of each feeling,
you are not sure whether it's due to maturity, or simply familiarity,
but you know no matter how deep or how long you allow yourself to feel it,
it's never going to hurt you,
because you have finally been able to grasps the reigns,
& make it dance to your tune.
It's much like the moment when Harry finally was able to control the visions he had of Voldemort's thoughts.
You just don't understand how you used to struggle with it,
now it's second nature.
& I'm adding this because Billy Talent wouldn't be Billy Talent without a stabbing lyric or two.
"If the compass strikes then follow your heart,
And I hope it leads you right back into my arms"
Kun fayakun.
It's such a heartbreaking love song.
I'm allowing myself this one moment of weakness,
because it is the only thing that makes sense to me.
With Ben's voice,
& the simple, familiar strum of the guitar,
one can't help but be swept up with the mood.
You come to a point where you are actually conscious of each feeling,
you are not sure whether it's due to maturity, or simply familiarity,
but you know no matter how deep or how long you allow yourself to feel it,
it's never going to hurt you,
because you have finally been able to grasps the reigns,
& make it dance to your tune.
It's much like the moment when Harry finally was able to control the visions he had of Voldemort's thoughts.
You just don't understand how you used to struggle with it,
now it's second nature.
& I'm adding this because Billy Talent wouldn't be Billy Talent without a stabbing lyric or two.
"If the compass strikes then follow your heart,
And I hope it leads you right back into my arms"
Kun fayakun.
17.9.12
Rambles: dreams.
one of the posts on freepeople this week is on dreams.
dreams & their meanings.
the post itself was nothing much,
but one comment triggered me.
i dream almost every night,
or more like every time i sleep.
sometimes i wake up to blankness,
but i believe it's just because i forgot the dream,
rather than not dreaming.
i think it's the one thing that truly defines me as a piscean.
i know these horoscopes thing is haram in islam,
but for me it's not really about predicting my future,
it's really about how i identify myself.
if you ever read those traits associated with horoscope signs, i'm a piscean through & through.
i get vivid dreams.
i used to be so influenced by it,
i sometimes make decisions based on it,
it used to bother me a lot.
the dream i wake up to each morning will most probably determine my mood through out the day.
but nowadays i think i've learnt to live with it.
i don't ponder on it so much anymore,
even though i still get one every now & then that really stirs my emotions & make me question where i am in my life.
but i don't act on it anymore, i think i've grown up from that.
i don't think i've ever had recurring dreams,
but i do have patterns.
the most obvious is nightmares or horror dreams,
usually if i've overslept,
or have slept through maghrib,
i'd get really spooky dreams.
& then there are those really deep, really vivid ones,
where i actually lose my sense of reality,
(usually i know when i'm dreaming, & i'm aware of my actual physical state)
these vivid dreams will usually cause me to oversleep,
because i will pursue whatever i'm doing,
or is happening to the end.
& as the dream progresses i'd get more disappointed as things get more complicated,
& i'd wake up late as hell for work,
& frustrated for not being able to finish it.
back when i was still studying,
i actually used to just go back to sleep and finish the dream.
which is what the user commented on the freepeople blog,
yes i actually used to go back to sleep and continue a dream.
i never thought of it as an ability or a skill.
but i guess dreaming, or remembering a dream after waking up itself is an ability.
though i would rather just think i have an overactive mind.
i used to be gifted with dreams of a friend who has passed away,
i held on to it for far too long,
until it consumed me, & i was unable to let go after years of his passing.
i prayed to god to stop it, & it did.
but to give up on dreams altogether,
i don't think i could ever.
it's not much use,
but it's pretty interesting.
dreams & their meanings.
the post itself was nothing much,
but one comment triggered me.
i dream almost every night,
or more like every time i sleep.
sometimes i wake up to blankness,
but i believe it's just because i forgot the dream,
rather than not dreaming.
i think it's the one thing that truly defines me as a piscean.
i know these horoscopes thing is haram in islam,
but for me it's not really about predicting my future,
it's really about how i identify myself.
if you ever read those traits associated with horoscope signs, i'm a piscean through & through.
i get vivid dreams.
i used to be so influenced by it,
i sometimes make decisions based on it,
it used to bother me a lot.
the dream i wake up to each morning will most probably determine my mood through out the day.
but nowadays i think i've learnt to live with it.
i don't ponder on it so much anymore,
even though i still get one every now & then that really stirs my emotions & make me question where i am in my life.
but i don't act on it anymore, i think i've grown up from that.
i don't think i've ever had recurring dreams,
but i do have patterns.
the most obvious is nightmares or horror dreams,
usually if i've overslept,
or have slept through maghrib,
i'd get really spooky dreams.
& then there are those really deep, really vivid ones,
where i actually lose my sense of reality,
(usually i know when i'm dreaming, & i'm aware of my actual physical state)
these vivid dreams will usually cause me to oversleep,
because i will pursue whatever i'm doing,
or is happening to the end.
& as the dream progresses i'd get more disappointed as things get more complicated,
& i'd wake up late as hell for work,
& frustrated for not being able to finish it.
back when i was still studying,
i actually used to just go back to sleep and finish the dream.
which is what the user commented on the freepeople blog,
yes i actually used to go back to sleep and continue a dream.
i never thought of it as an ability or a skill.
but i guess dreaming, or remembering a dream after waking up itself is an ability.
though i would rather just think i have an overactive mind.
i used to be gifted with dreams of a friend who has passed away,
i held on to it for far too long,
until it consumed me, & i was unable to let go after years of his passing.
i prayed to god to stop it, & it did.
but to give up on dreams altogether,
i don't think i could ever.
it's not much use,
but it's pretty interesting.
14.9.12
Let's talk about music for a change.
I love music.
I can't drive without it.
I believe I'm a better driver when I'm in tune with the music that is playing.
But I'm always intimidated when it comes to talking about it,
because I know nothing about music.
I've never had formal lessons,
I don't know how to read notes,
heck, I don't even know instruments & how to tell them apart in a song.
But what I do know is how it makes me feel.
Good music revives my soul,
it makes me feel warm & soothed,
& today, listening to Billy Talent's Dead Silence,
boy am I soothed.
Yes I'm 10 days late.
I saw those posts on Facebook,
& I noticed that they've started touring again,
but it honestly didn't click.
My god am I oblivious this time around.
But my brother just passed me the album,
& so far every song is such a nice surprise.
After The Used's experimental, futuristic stuff,
& Muse's sappy Madness & dubstep-ness,
Dead Silence is such a relief.
It's the kind of tunes that a solid 4-piece band should produce.
It may not be packing surprises, or taking your mind to other realms beyond,
but it's good ol' rock.
& oh my god, it's like a good brownie on a sucky day.
I'm crapping,
but it's because I have fallen head over heels in love with Billy Talent (& Ben) all over again.
I'm currently listening to Crooked Minds,
& somehow it's like a summary or recap of their past albums & sounds,
it's all so familiarly comforting.
I've been cranky this past few days,
& each song that comes on my MP3 player or in my car just makes it worse,
I know I want something,
but everything I already have isn't it.
Until today, until this.
I might just buy this CD.
Thumbs up, guys!
You've saved my soul.
I can't drive without it.
I believe I'm a better driver when I'm in tune with the music that is playing.
But I'm always intimidated when it comes to talking about it,
because I know nothing about music.
I've never had formal lessons,
I don't know how to read notes,
heck, I don't even know instruments & how to tell them apart in a song.
But what I do know is how it makes me feel.
Good music revives my soul,
it makes me feel warm & soothed,
& today, listening to Billy Talent's Dead Silence,
boy am I soothed.
Yes I'm 10 days late.
I saw those posts on Facebook,
& I noticed that they've started touring again,
but it honestly didn't click.
My god am I oblivious this time around.
But my brother just passed me the album,
& so far every song is such a nice surprise.
After The Used's experimental, futuristic stuff,
& Muse's sappy Madness & dubstep-ness,
Dead Silence is such a relief.
It's the kind of tunes that a solid 4-piece band should produce.
It may not be packing surprises, or taking your mind to other realms beyond,
but it's good ol' rock.
& oh my god, it's like a good brownie on a sucky day.
I'm crapping,
but it's because I have fallen head over heels in love with Billy Talent (& Ben) all over again.
I'm currently listening to Crooked Minds,
& somehow it's like a summary or recap of their past albums & sounds,
it's all so familiarly comforting.
I've been cranky this past few days,
& each song that comes on my MP3 player or in my car just makes it worse,
I know I want something,
but everything I already have isn't it.
Until today, until this.
I might just buy this CD.
Thumbs up, guys!
You've saved my soul.
11.9.12
If I am rich,
I wouldn't want a flawless 30 carat diamond ring,
I wouldn't want a Vera Wang dress,
I wouldn't want thick, elaborate invitation cards.
I'd want flowers.
Eustomas.
Peonies.
Hydrangeas.
Poppies.
& baby's breath.
Everywhere.
I don't care if they're out of season.
I don't care if I need to charter a plane to get them here.
Heck, I'd fly myself to Sweden & go pick wildflowers.
If I am rich, I'd totally do that.
I wouldn't want a flawless 30 carat diamond ring,
I wouldn't want a Vera Wang dress,
I wouldn't want thick, elaborate invitation cards.
I'd want flowers.
Eustomas.
Peonies.
Hydrangeas.
Poppies.
& baby's breath.
Everywhere.
I don't care if they're out of season.
I don't care if I need to charter a plane to get them here.
Heck, I'd fly myself to Sweden & go pick wildflowers.
If I am rich, I'd totally do that.
Grass is greener.
I went to Nilai 3 yesterday,
& let's just say that a lot of things got crossed off my list,
& we're also that much poorer.
This whole Nilai 3 thing has been going on since Saturday,
when 3/4 of the 5 Alfa besties reunited.
Na, the wise, pregnant one, was giving advises on how to make the best of Nilai 3,
& today while discussing via twitter on all the damage done yesterday,
she mentioned about blogging all the details about planning this wedding.
The idea sounds awesome, honestly.
I know as soon as the wedding is over I would want to look back & relive these days,
but I'm just so sick of hearing myself talk about the wedding.
I'm not one to be blabbing about how much I love my fiance,
& I don't really like to mention good things either,
for fear of it being taken away,
so I always end up complaining,
which makes me sound like such an ungrateful bridezilla.
It doesn't help that I'm pms-ing so bad,
at one point I actually felt like going into my soon-to-be "married room",
& just curl up in my wedding things,
because I'm feeling so terrible I can't imagine feeling happy ever again.
(I call it the Dementor's presence).
Then I received a whatsapp.
& almost instantly realized that one of the joys of being a bride-to-be,
is getting a chance of shifting the focus away from ourselves & celebrating someone else.
my best childhood friend, someone I consider as my bigger sister,
is getting married one week after me.
Eeeepp!
I was so excited I blabbed so many things,
I felt like dragging her everywhere I've been & just shower her with everything I've wanted for myself.
I am so excited for her that I completely forgot about my own wedding,
& the world felt so light.
My shoulders felt so light.
I'm not saying I envy how things turned out in her life,
but it's so dreamy,
& she really deserved every bit of it.
I'm so happy for her.
We literally grew up together,
I lost count of the nights I spent at hers,
& the endless hours of talking we used to have.
We swapped diaries,
talked about boys, talked to boys,
(bathed together),
from primary to secondary (& walking back from school together) to university,
& now this.
We haven't been inseparable or joined at the hips,
but one thing you always have with someone you grew up with,
is a connection that lasts a lifetime,
& I know I can always count on her to be one of the few that knows me best.
Now I really hope things turn out great for the both of us,
& that I get to attend her wedding (I'm praying really hard for this).
Congratulations, sis!
:')
& let's just say that a lot of things got crossed off my list,
& we're also that much poorer.
This whole Nilai 3 thing has been going on since Saturday,
when 3/4 of the 5 Alfa besties reunited.
Na, the wise, pregnant one, was giving advises on how to make the best of Nilai 3,
& today while discussing via twitter on all the damage done yesterday,
she mentioned about blogging all the details about planning this wedding.
The idea sounds awesome, honestly.
I know as soon as the wedding is over I would want to look back & relive these days,
but I'm just so sick of hearing myself talk about the wedding.
I'm not one to be blabbing about how much I love my fiance,
& I don't really like to mention good things either,
for fear of it being taken away,
so I always end up complaining,
which makes me sound like such an ungrateful bridezilla.
It doesn't help that I'm pms-ing so bad,
at one point I actually felt like going into my soon-to-be "married room",
& just curl up in my wedding things,
because I'm feeling so terrible I can't imagine feeling happy ever again.
(I call it the Dementor's presence).
Then I received a whatsapp.
& almost instantly realized that one of the joys of being a bride-to-be,
is getting a chance of shifting the focus away from ourselves & celebrating someone else.
my best childhood friend, someone I consider as my bigger sister,
is getting married one week after me.
Eeeepp!
I was so excited I blabbed so many things,
I felt like dragging her everywhere I've been & just shower her with everything I've wanted for myself.
I am so excited for her that I completely forgot about my own wedding,
& the world felt so light.
My shoulders felt so light.
I'm not saying I envy how things turned out in her life,
but it's so dreamy,
& she really deserved every bit of it.
I'm so happy for her.
We literally grew up together,
I lost count of the nights I spent at hers,
& the endless hours of talking we used to have.
We swapped diaries,
talked about boys, talked to boys,
(bathed together),
from primary to secondary (& walking back from school together) to university,
& now this.
We haven't been inseparable or joined at the hips,
but one thing you always have with someone you grew up with,
is a connection that lasts a lifetime,
& I know I can always count on her to be one of the few that knows me best.
Now I really hope things turn out great for the both of us,
& that I get to attend her wedding (I'm praying really hard for this).
Congratulations, sis!
:')
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