I keep on calling him Haramjay instead.

I was gonna comment on the Harambe the gorilla issue,
About how some people on my fb who has one kid/don't even have kids of their own were accusing the boy's parents of negligence.
But I was rushing, fuming the whole time, angry words forming in my head,
To bathe a fussy Izzaz then put him down for a nap,
Quickly bathe Hilwa too (when I got to her, her eyelids juuuust fluttered shut OMG talk about timing),
& pray Asar,
That by the time everything was done I pretty much lost sight of the point of ranting on my blog.
So instead I chose to pick up the toys Hilwa upended on the floor just for the heck of it.
She's on the bed on YouTube, totally not playing with her toys.
(Yeap me totally being an epic fail of a mom, allowing my kid to go on YouTube anytime she wants)
So picture me, on all fours, gathering these small little bits,
Crawling forward a few inches to reach those pieces out of my reach.
There, all tidy.
Immediately Hilwa looks up from the phone,
Exclaims in anger,
Got down the bed,
Upended the toy bag again,
Crawled back up the bed,
Resumed watching the video.
Let me just put it this way,
If it was my kid who fell into a gorilla enclosure, I'd tell the response team to shoot her instead.
Lulz jk.
(No, I'm not).

Life changing.

Noob me never knew mothercare sold bras.
They retail for RM239 for a pack of 2 btw,
So even if I knew I'd never spend that much on bras.
Especially not nursing bras.
But on the day I found the above fact out,
I also found some lying in the clearance bin by the cashier & they're going for 50% off.
& after trying one on, I'd definitely pay RM60 a pop for it.
OMG has it been life changing.
For starters, I'm actually excited to put on a bra now.
I've legit forgotten what it feels like to have support, & most importantly what it's like to feel sexy & presentable.
It's come to the point where I'm considering a third child lol.
Not coz the bra is so great that I wanna wear it longer, no they're definitely not THAT great,
But I actually don't mind having to wear them for a few more years.
Plus, call me crazy, but I haven't quite got enough of childbirth.
& the idea of this being my last one year max of babywearing saddens me big time.
But naaaahh!
Posting this right after my last post?
Nope nope nope I'll enjoy these 2 new nursing bras I bought then screw babies for life.
Boy, bye!

From Penang with love.

Writing this down right now,
In the thick of everything,
For future reference.
Vacation sucks because the kids will never cooperate.
You won't be able to do any of the sightseeing or relaxing that you've been daydreaming about for months.
You'll be forced to take the kids down to the pool everyday, which is both tiring & boring coz you're stuck in the kiddy area with all your senses working overtime making sure your kids don't drown or get drowned by other kids.
Beach time will never work coz you hate sand, fullstop.
& no matter how packed or tiring you thought the day was, Hilwa will not fall asleep easily.
& you'll be left struggling to keep your eyes open waiting for her to decide to sleep, & then still have to prepare for tomorrow, pick up aft her, etc.
Oh yeah & being in a hotel will dry out your skin like crazy, & you'll be paranoid the kids will catch a cold/develop a fever.
To be perfectly honest, the last good memory of a vacation that I had was my honeymoon.
I was pregnant in Sabah which is tiring,
& kids just ruin everything.
Sekian.

Joyah.

Ini adalah sebuah post confession mungkin.
I don't know about you, but I severely judge a person's life based on their social media.
Lol!
After a certain time you know these 'friends' you see online everyday right.
The pattern to which they post things, be it pictures or status updates or tweets.
& I find it so easy (& amusing) to guess their moods or phases in life.
But a few times I tried turning it inwards & judging my social media.
I guess I'm most active on instagram, posting pictures of the kids 95% of the time.
On fb I leave comments & stuff, but I very seldom post or share things, & will only update my profile picture like once a year.
Recently, Ikhwan started to not wear his wedding ring coz *coughs* someone gained weight *coughs*.
We honestly want to go fix it, along with my engagement ring which I might have sat on & has since turned oval.
As for my wedding ring, I kinda stopped wearing it regularly after gaining weight during pregnancy & having 2 kids that I might poke it with, & god forbid, ruin the wrap/ring sling/wcssc that I happen to be wearing that day.
So yeah.
Objectively, I would begin assuming that my marriage is in trouble lol.
I found a quote once that I hold on to when my joyah radar starts going off,
'A sign of a healthy relationship is finding no trace of it on social media'.
But in this day & age I think it's necessary to update once in a while.
Like, why would you post your daily lunch but never talk about your spouse right?
So expect a cheesy post once we get our rings fixed lol.
Why the f am I even talking about this tonight?

Weaning.

It's the 3rd night of Hilwa sleeping without my bubis.
More than 48 hours since the last time she nursed.
Everytime I think of that (& the number of hours continue increasing) my heart literally breaks.
But I have to power on, for my own sanity.
She's coming to 2y7m this 14th.
She's been drinking formula from the bottle fine.
It's really time she's weaned.
How do I do it?
It's mostly luck & winging it,
But I started with telling her she's a big girl now so no more 'babam' (nursing to sleep in her language).
She made a fuss, pulling on my shirt & pleading mama.. mamaaa..
I told her again & again, she's a big girl now.
Dudu-ed her & tepuk her back,
& slowly she settles down & the pleading faded away.
It does take a long time though, especially waiting for her battery to run dry.
That's the most important part, she needs to be exhausted.
Yesterday I was lucky coz she fell asleep in the car otw back from atuk's house.
But she woke up later thirsty,
So I offered her the bottle which she responded with blood curling screams.
Then I tried offering plain water which she accepted,
& almost immediately fell back asleep lol.
So I gotta keep that in mind.
Honestly 3 days is nothing at all.
Like I said, it's all luck mostly.
I'll give it a week, then 2, then 1 whole month,
Before I call myself successful.
She still expects babam even tonight, it'll take a while for her to register the idea of falling asleep on her own.
I have got to be strong & not give up.
But seriously though,
I really can't help feeling like now I'm useless for her.
Other people can keep her clean, she plays on her own, she seldom eats what I prepare for her (or anything for that matter. The one & only thing that consistently makes her eat is udon at the restaurant, any restaurant will do. Not my cooking lol).
Now I'm no longer nourishing her.
T.T
Anyways, going way off topic now,
But she started calling me mummy since yesterday.
I do not know where that came from.

Yet another thing I need.

Another rabbit hole I never expected to fall into post-mommyhood is the diaper bag hole.
Perhaps the worst RM80+ I spent on my child ever was the so called diaper bag I bought at a pureen warehouse sale when I was pregnant with Hilwa.
I do not go to warehouse sales anymore.
The heat & the kelam kabutness of it makes you buy really lousy stuff, like a bad diaper bag & expensive diapers konon on sale.
Yeah but I'm not here to talk about warehouse sales.
I have since realized people no longer use the ugly, uncomfortable hard-shelled diaper bags.
So I got the skip hop that I'm using now which was perfect for when I only had Hilwa & back when Izzaz was still considered an infant.
But now with Izzaz on solids & Hilwa drinking formula,
It's kinda, very sadly, not enough.
Left the house early on Saturday bound for Curve having to bring an empty milk bottle, thermos, formula caddy, a Tupperware of Izzaz's porridge which I wanted to keep as warm as possible, a bottle of plain water, & all the other stuff like change of clothes & diapers etc.
Yeah I ran out of pockets to stuff everything in, ended up shoving the thermos somewhere & putting it into the stroller cup holder when we got there.
We've also been making quick trips out for lunch, or whenever I have to drag the kids out for some moments of sanity with my friends,
Where instead of lugging the stroller I'd just babywear Izzaz & make Hilwa walk,
& it's really not practical to wear a messenger back coz it's added weight on 1 single shoulder,
& it flails around whenever I need to hold onto Hilwa or chase after her.
I really need a proper backpack nowadays.
So I've been looking around for one, any backpack, on zalora, Groupon, 11street,
Seriously, I'm not even being picky,
But everytime I find something I like at the price point I'm comfortable with,
I'm like.. but this doesn't solve my bottle-holding pockets issue.
So tonight I went into YouTube searching for 'what's in my diaper bag' videos for mommies with plural children to see how do they organize,
& the answer came immediately.
Jujube BFF.
& my heart sinks.
This bag can be used as a backpack & shoulder/messenger, & both straps are removable so you're not left with annoying dangling stuff however you choose to wear it.
It has 2 insulated bottle holders outside with 4 more pockets inside + countless other zippers everywhere.
It's the perfect size, spacious but won't make you look like you packed for a trip to Everest or something.
& the best part? It's about rm700 from an authorized reseller in Malaysia.
Yeah of course someone somewhere has designed THE perfect diaper bag.
& of course it comes at a very pretty price.
I am currently seriously contemplating selling off 2 of my SSCs to fund this, that's how desperate I'm feeling right now.
I really should sleep on it & see how I feel tomorrow :(