random.

i miss

• dan. sebab dah lama tak bercerita panjang lebar at some random mamak, kopitiam, his PJ house, taman aman. anywhere.
• ira. sebab baru text & update each other on our lives.
  
• epa. sebab rindulah.
• liy k. sebab baru lepas baca old posts on FB & teringat segala random jokes.
• sya. sebab rindu jugaklah.
• kim. sebab baru berFB tadi & tak sabar tunggu dia datang shah alam :D

yelah, yelah tau.. i miss perak actually.
i miss having roomates & kemudahan bergossip 24/7.
serta keadaan hingar-bingar yang menenggelamkan segala weird thoughts in my head.
not that i'm having weird thoughts right now.
just bored i guess.
maybe i should go to sleep. huhu

eve of;

i wouldn't mind missing a hundred more Christmases if i could have you all to myself like i did this past week.

i love you so much, sayang, it's insane.

sila abaikan pose gedik dari kedua-dua belah pihak. terima kasih.

one.

i'm hungry & stinky & my fish haven't eaten for more than 12 hours. i shouldn't be in front of the PC. but heck saya desperatekan internet tahap gaban. hahah (baru dua hari tak online).

been busy with work for the past 2 weeks & it became more chronic these previous two days sebab bila habis je kerja, tanpa sempat-sempat aku akan mengerah segala tenaga Bells untuk memecut ke Taman Medan dengan lajunya. ohh i've been spoilt (almost) rotten, & i'm loving it. haha

sebenarnya tak ada point apa-apa, cuma malam ni tak berteman sebab ada orang kena drag pergi visit some relatives. so, daripada biar blog berhabuk, baik crap sikit kat sini kan?

ooohhh dan baru teringat!

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, OVERSTATEMENTS DEAREST :D

ada visitor dari Oslo appear kat feedjit. hmm kenapa terasa bangga & excited? :P

Very Vanilla, Cookies & Cream dan Conversations

ini adalah reminder to self. supaya nanti tiada perasaan menyesal, bersalah, "did i do the right thing?".

kata Lin (oh yes, Lin suruh quote dirinya :P), kalau betul nak fix things; kalau betul nak menangis dan merayu dan make it better; it should have been done when the status was changed on FB.

sebab itulah moment trying to grab your attention yang paling drama. itulah saat do or die. & you chose to ignore. so it's only right that i let go.

lagi sekali diingatkan, ini hanyalah reminder to self. kamu, kamu & kamu yang membaca, sudah-sudahlah jaga tepi kain orang ok?

Linsayang, i love you & glojy & brader yang sanggup buatkan milk-based very vanilla specially for me :D see you on mondaaay, babe!

endlessly

i once made a promise.

"hopelessly,
i'll love you endlessly.
hopelessly,
i'll give you everything;
but i wont give you up;
wont let you down;
& i wont leave you falling;
if the moment ever comes."

i have to break it. i'm sorry.

fate, or something better, i couldn't care less.

ah.. i just realized my blog's first year anniversary is coming up. in 2 days' time kot. huu bestness.

anyways, i'm writing only to say one thing.

that is, Jacob won.

of course Jacob wins. Jacob has won from the first time i set my eyes on him.

but i must let Mr. Des Tiny do his job first.

you know.. setting it free, waiting, hoping for it to come back. so that it'll be rightfully mine.

so Jacob's won. & he is rightfully mine, just as i am rightfully his.

& so, on with the next chapter; the Happily Ever After.

InsyaAllah. Amin..

terumbang-ambing.

for the first time, i'm really doubting this. doubting myself. doubting. doubts. doubts.

sayang, pick up the phone & prove me wrong please.

'cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles 265km if i can just see you tonight.

aku tak boleh describe feeling ini. it's greater than Love, Cinta, Sayang, Caring for someone. it's like belonging. seperti semua pieces of the puzzle just fits, with ease. it's that feeling where you can only express it with tears, of happiness & appreciation, sebab finally dah jumpa yang satu itu.

dia ucap terima kasih sebab aku menerima dia seadanya. sedangkan tiap-tiap malam aku ulang, aku sayang dia, sayang dia, sayang dia. sedangkan aku rasa tiada yang lebih sempurna melainkan dia. tapi dia masih ucap terima kasih.

the closest i can ever get to explaining is by asking one question. "What did i do right?" what did i do right sampai aku dikurniakan dia. don't get me wrong, i'm not questioning. never.

tak kisahlah apa dunia kata. aku, dia punya. I am Muhamad Ridhwan bin Ahmad's.

dia kata, bagi dia masa lagi sebulan. akan dia buktikan, ini semua isn't just the "first-three-months-angau" syndrome.

it's the small, small things that makes the biggest difference. small things such as choosing the last four digits of my phone number for me, & getting it right. spot on.





& i swear to Allah i never told him. never even mention in passing.

i've been keeping my eyes open for that specific green light, that should come from the centre (or should i say Above?). i think i've been getting signs.

there's a difference in being influenced by a band, & being identical to a band. being identical to a band is annoying. i don't know, i find it annoying.

ExoRage

& the spamming continues...

A - AVAILABLE : very much not

B - BIRTHDAY: march 17th

C - CRUSHING ON: matthew james bellamy. no, actually, perving on him is more accurate

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: filtered water

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: i'm gonna say dzul. because i've known him for less than a month, but i can blab abt whatever to him

F - FAVORITE SONG: for now, MK Ultra. no, Resistance. no.. can i say favourite album please? or favourite band?

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: worms *wan's song starts playing in my head. nobody loves me, everybody hates me, i'm going down to the garden to eat worms~ hahaha

H - HOMETOWN: ttdi, kl

I - IN LOVE WITH: aqua lily

J - JUGGLE: guys? hahaha

K - KILLED SOMEONE: neahh sadly :P

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 13hours was it? to/back from kelantan

M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: chocolate

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3

O - ONE WISH: let this be the biggest change, not the biggest mistake.

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: R.

R- REASON TO SMILE: ohh multiple. reasonS in the most plural form :)))

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: lady gaga's love game's playing in my head -_-"

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6.01am. then 10am. then 12.22pm.

V - VEGETABLE(S): i eat em but i don't love em

W - WORST HABIT: over thinking maybe?

X - X-RAYS YOU HAD: twice, upper body

Y – YO-YOS ARE: so 10 years ago, remember? huhu

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: pisces

RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU:

Spell your name without vowels: nr hlyh shk

What color do you wear most?: green, in all possible shades

Are you happy with your life right now?: yes i am. not perfectly happy, but nothing's perfect

What is your favorite class in school?: physics. guilt-free nap time :D

Are you outgoing?: depends on my mood

Where do you wish you were right now?: right here. with you.


THE CANS:

Can you dance?: nah not really

Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: have never tried

Can you whistle?: so-so

Write with both hands? : yes. tapi my right hand writing is super artsy fartsy if you get what i mean. hahahaha

Walk with your toes curled?: don't think so


THE DO'S:

Do you believe there is life on other planets?: i don't know, i haven't really thought of it.

Do you believe in miracles?: yes

Do you believe in magic?: of magical feelings & magical moments, yes.

Love at first sight?: sort of

Do you think there's a Satan?: i know yes.

Do you believe in Santa?: he's my uncle

Do you know how to swim?: yeah

Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: definitely not


THE HAVES:

Have you ever been on a plane?: yeah

Have you ever asked someone out?: oh yes. i hate waiting around

Have you ever been asked out by someone?: mhmm

Have you ever been to the ocean?: is it any different than going to the beach?

Have you ever painted your nails?: yeah. even with highlighter :D


THE WHATS:

What is the temperature outside?: don't know. just nice kot

What radio station do you listen to?: mostly, bila terpaksa, red.fm & mix.fm.

What was the last restaurant you ate at?: mcd

What was the last thing you bought? waist belt thingy

Who was the last person you took a picture of?: myself :P


CRYING SECTION:

Ever really cried your heart out?: yes

Ever cried yourself to sleep?: uh huh

Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: yes

Ever cried over the opposite sex?: of course

Do you cry when you get an injury?: depends

Do certain songs make you cry?: yes.


HAPPY SECTION.

Are you a happy person: i suppose

What can make you happy?: babes, support system, mr it feels so right.

Do you wish you were happier?: no, no. you know what they say about having too much of a good thing.

Can music make you happy?: & relaxed, & calm, & the list goes on.


LOVE SECTION.

How many times have you had your heart broken?: i don't know. i don't keep bitter memories

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: oh yes


LOOK AT ME.

What is your current hair color?: dark brown

Current piercings?: just the ears

Have any tattoos?: nopes

Eye color?: dark brown

IN A GIRL/GUY

Favorite eye color: whatever colour's fine, really.

Short or long hair: short

Height: taller than me. by at least 3 inches?

Best clothing: i like em better without clothes. hahahaha


HAVE YOU EVER.

Been to jail: yes. not in one, though.

Mooned someone: most prolly imara, unintentionally. hahaha

Thrown up in a store: don't think so. or maybe pernah masa kecik?

Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: of course

Pepsi or Coke: coke

McDonald's or Burger King: mcd

Single or Group Dates: a balance of both i suppose? don't want too much of each other &/or too much of other people right

Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla

Strawberries or Blueberries: blueberries

Meat or Veggies: meat of course

TV or Movie: movie kot

Guitar or Drums?: drums!

Adidas or Nike: hmm.. no preference i guess

Chinese or Mexican: mexican. sorry, im racist :P

Cheerios or Corn Flakes: corn flakes

time well spent (i say)

waking up to the alarm at 6.01am
"sayang, bangun subuh.."
-------

impromptu salon session.
perfect "blow waves".
fringed once again.
all i want for christmas is you (or at least Aqua Lily perfume ;P)
-------

tomyam campur yang spot on.
support system.
moment lagging di maulana.
sempurna (dalam diam).

-------

green lights! (from left, right & praying to Allah, centre)

-------

"tengah rasa cuak/nervous/tak tenteram"
updates from 5 hours ago.
hey there bestie. long time no msn :)

-------

keep 'em smiles coming.
"bila dia ada memang gelak je memanjang"
"tulah.. i've been laughing for the past month or so now"

sumpah my brain is working in super slow motion. i can almost see the monitor contorting & twisting & like melting in front of my eyes. i can't remember the last time i had a really good night's sleep. i can't remember the last time i actually slept before the sun rises.

but it's all worth it. thanx for 1984 sayang

surveys are addictive, don't blame me.

PINK is love

1. Do you love someone?
i doooo

2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
not exactly. tapi kalau at first sight dah macam2 strong emotions rasa, bring it on! :P

3. Do you believe in Love?
yes i do

RED IS ANGER

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
nopes

2. Which of your family members has the worst temper?
mama kot. i inherited it from her :P

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
ada kot

4. Is anyone mad at you?
i think so

5. Are you usually mad?
yes. & grumpy. & moody. hee

6. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
depends, really.

YELLOW IS SELF DISCOVERY

1. Name:


2. Birthday:
march 17th 88

3. What's your main goal in life?
to live.

4. Do you want to have children?
oh yes! thnx to layla nasuha :)

ORANGE IS EXCITEMENT

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
yeap :D

2. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?
kahwin jommmmm sayang!

4. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
dia.

GREEN IS OPINIONS

1. Are you against gay marriage?
not unless it effects me in any way. huhu

2. Lower the drinking age?
ban alcohol!

3. Abortion?
too painful to even think. no you cant make meeee


PURPLE IS Q&A

Q: how many beds did you lay in today?
one

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
white

Q: Name one thing that you do everyday?
tido. kecuali bila bersama lin & wan, no we dont sleep :P

Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
cukup la nak makan

Q: Look to your left.
the whole freaking living room

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
fb/muse forum

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
yeap, in the aquarium :)

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
dont think so

Q: Recent time you were really upset?
hmmm.. 2 nights ago i think, kat maulana.

Q. Last Movie watched in cinema:
new moon -_-"

Q. Song you listened to?:
Muse - Overdue (alarm tone huhu)

Q. Person you talked on the phone with:
R.

GRAY IS TODAY

1. What are you doing tonight?:
"meet the babes" session :D

2. What are you going to eat?:
entah.

BROWN IS FOR TOMORROW

1. Is:
thursday

2. Are you Looking forward to it?
nothing. not looking fwd pudu

3. Are you going to laugh?:
i hope so. jangan nangis lya, macho sikit. hahah

something tells me to follow my heart.

there's just something that feels right the whole of last night & all through today.
despite various cacat-ing events.. one that even lead to a breakdown session at 3.30am.
especially because.. uhm.. of some naughty stuff (no lin no not saying anything huu huuuu).
felt right through the random sort of sesi kaunseling (oh POV from the opposite sex/impartial party mean so so much to me).
felt right walaupun mengantuk tahap gaban.
then i realized one thing, i wasn't thinking about him. almost not at all. & it felt right.

singapore, feb 2010, here i come.

flight ticket : rm109

concert ticket : rm290

discovering that i've actually been listening to Rise Against (& i enjoy listening to them) : priceless

for everything else, there's Faizal Ishak & MasterCard.



supermassive I Love You, Fai! for lending me your credit card, for all those perak-kl-perak trips, for making me listen to Rise Against without me actually knowing it, for making me listen to Rise Against again today with me knowing it's them & making me realize i've actually been enjoying them for at least a year now, & most importantly for not cancelling the transaction when i indirectly said we weren't siblings :P

now i need lunch. & i can die happy :D

Anak Bulan.

can we do it in point form, please?

• the script was so cheesy i nearly barfed (worse than that friend of bella's who barfed while watching face punch hahah)
• taylor lautner was hot though. & i was positively perving on him (can't blame me, dzul started it)
• i remember thinking, during the scene where the werewolves were chasing that vampire who's victoria's friend, for a movie that's suppose to creat such a craze & collect billions on its opening day itself, the cgi (or whatever you call it) is really bad. the werewolves look totally cartoon-ish.
• bella's such a bitch for what she's doing to jacob. edward freaking told you he doesn't want you & you're going all depressed & suicidal? have some ego, woman.
• oh & whatthefuck? Muse's I Belong To You was the background music of some freaking SHOPPING TRIP? you can't even hear the remix in the song. why bother remixing it in the first place? i kind of get why they wanted that song (duh, the title says everything) but squeezing the song in the movie where it totally didn't make sense? i'm pissed.
• but i got to shout "go Muse!" in the cinema so i'm happy :D

all in all, it's just a bad movie. but, thanks to the crowd (the people i went with & everyone in the cinema who was really sporting), it wasn't really RM11 wasted. so yeah. don't take the movie too seriously, laugh during all those corny love scenes, & perve on jacob's abs. you'll be surprised that you can actually come out of the cinema alive :)

i seriously, honestly don't get what all the hype is about

you know in twilight, how edward says he's intrigued by bella because he just can't seem to tune in to her thoughts. supposedly he said something like "i can read everyone's mind in this room, but when it comes to you.. nothing". something like that, i'm so lazy to go look it up. so yes. my very smart friend, nor hazwani zainal, said a very smart thing just now. "MAYBE SHE'S JUST NOT THINKING! that's why edward can't read her effing mind!" (ok i added the "effing" part)

yeah you can laugh now :D

God, wansayang, now i can die happy. hahahaha

inspirasi

i'm weird. i know. i've been reading this guy's blog for over a year. & somehow, whatever he blogs about mesti kena dengan hidup aku at that particular time. like whatever he blogs makes me go "betul! betul! i totally get you!" then comes the moment of silence where i just digest everything, & selalunya akan rasa tamparan hebat (like tonight).

so, i've added him to my blog list. enough of stalking around. hahah

kepada encik sekian-sekian. you inspire me, seriously. & i still feel honoured for getting the opportunity to be in your presence (eventhough that was almost half a year ago). cheers :)

it's usually the last few hours that you truly feel it. the utter annoyance, perasaan rindu & needy-ness yang meluap-luap.

Bells, sayang, i can't wait to go get you tomorrow! i've miss you so much :(

gahhh sudah penat rasa "patah kaki" & kecewa bila ada plan tapi tak ada kereta. grr.


--------------------------------


added at 1946hrs

you know you're a gone case when you accidentally read the name "Matthew" as "Bellamy". & whatever you were reading isn't even related to him, or Muse, at all.

:facepalm:

it could be wrong, could be wrong (to let our hearts ignite)

Random!
my left ear's itchy >.<

Is there anybody you hate with a passion?
hate is a strong word. what abt dislike w a passion? huhu

What do you think about snow?
cold & wet

Do you think sleeping is a waste of time?
NO definitely not

Do you daydream a lot?
yeah. even at night. huhu

What's your favourite kind of meat?
HAHAHAHAHAH haiyoh so deprived :P

Do you like sushi?
nopes. but yes imara, we shall go sushi if u want to. no one to berebut sashimi w. huhu

Do you drink coffee? A lot?
nope. nope.

Do you know anyone who's been in jail?
neahh. not personally.

Do you know anybody who has been murdered?
dun think so

What's the furthest you've been out of your home country?
i've never been outta this country

Do you exercise regularly?
i dont exercise.

What kinds of accessories do you wear?
gold necklace, bracelet & some rings

Do you keep up with current events?
neahh

Do you like your family, for the most part?
yeap

Do you hate it when someone wakes you up from a good dream?
oh god yes.

Are you grumpy in the morning?
i think so

How late do you usually stay up?
til the sun rises again

How big is your TV?
puny

When was the last time you weighed yourself?
hmm.. last week kot.

Do you have good self-esteem?
depends on the time of the month. huhu

Are you/were you a good student in school
oh yes. hahah

Do you enjoy camping?
YES! haihh tempted sungguh nak ikut mama & krs esok

Do you like big cities?
i like being in the outskirts of a big city

Do you climb trees?
used to.

Do you pose for pictures?
erhh.. i smile?

Are you usually behind or in front of the camera?
in front. i dont hv an eye for photography :(

Do you give to charity?
yeah when i hv extra cash/stuff

Do you mind sharing your food?
nope i dont mind.

Do you quote movies often?
oh yes. huhu

saying it out loud clarified a lot of things.

i want to go so bad because of you. for you.

i wish i could, but it's costing too much.

i'm so sooo sorry.

but this does not mean i'll stop trying my best, okay?

lagi-lagi survey

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars?
typical lari-lari lepastu tergolek dog masa sekolah rendah dulu.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
3days before the big day, imara planned a surprise party for me. & on my birthday itself my friends in perak sang happy birthday & bought cupcakes & stuff.

How are you feeling at this moment?
ngantuk but bangga kerana berjaya bangun pagi dan pergi bersenam

How did your night go last night?
it was okay. i was sort of feeling crappy after everything but i guess it's just the shock.

How did you do in high school?
do what?

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
one of the free stuff mama got (kawad kebangsaan 09)

How often do you see ur best friend?
been seeing them very often nowadays. loves :D

How much money did you spend last month?
i don't count. huhu

How old do you want to be when you get married?
can i get married now? please.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
22

NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?
nurhana bates binti abdullah

What did you do last weekend?
ohh a lot of stuff ;P

What is the most important part of your life?
laughter. huhu

What would you rather be doing?
now? sleeping

What did you last cry over?
izwan >.<

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
sometimes it's Muse, sometimes it's friends..

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
most important? awesome level of click-ness.

What are you worried about?
a lot of stuff. i'm a worrier.

What did you have for breakfast?
nasik lemak :D

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
duhh.. all the best ones are always taken kan?

Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeap

Have you ever been out of the country?
nopes. never even been out of the semenanjung

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
yes

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
maybe back in the high school days

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
neahh i'm not that shameless

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
yeap

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
oh yesss

SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
my dad

Who was the last person you texted?
R.

Who was the last person you hangout with?
wansyg

Who was the last person to call you?
wansyg

Who did you last hug?
wansyg

Who is the last person who texted you?
hotlink

Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?
pear

SIX WHERE’S:

Where does your best friend live?
ttdi. oh theres one in kuang. huhu

Where did you last go?
kiara then devis

Where did you last hang out?
erhh devis?

Where do you go to school?
SMKTTDI

Where is your favorite place to be?
in my room with my fish light on

Where did you sleep last night?
in my room. but with the fish light off

FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
yes

Do you think anyone likes you?
i hope :P

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
oh yeah like gaia polloni.

Do you know the muffin man?
yes. he's actually wansyg.

Does the future scare you?
of course

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
erhh.. because?

Why did you get a facebook?
because..

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
no actually my neighbour named me. he's like a god-grandfather to me.

Why are you doing this survey?
because i'm so lazy to go bathe

THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be??
teleport/fly

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
i don't know really

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
the lake of dead languages by carol goodman

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
nopes. not now.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
definitely. i'd shave it now if i can get away with it

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
yeah i am

credit wang masuk, debit wang keluar. go figure it out.

duit ptptn dah finally masuk a/c aku. FINALLY!. & just in time with the BNO pre-sale thingy. but the thing is, believe it or not, Muse doesn't feel like the most important thing in my life now. i thought i was imagining it, but no. seriously. it definitely wasn't the first thing that crossed my mind when i realized i actually have money now. wow.

anyways.. on a totally unrelated matter, i just realized when you get so close to someone, to some extend you do have an emotional connection with that person. 'cause i'm feeling like SUPER crappy right now >.<

haihh.. back to the main subject which is money. i need to go draw up a financial plan before i spend all my money on food.

almost 2000m above sea level,

where the air is thin & foggy.
not to mention cold, freezing cold.
magical things happen.

p/s: post terlambat lebih kurang sebulan :P tapi recent event calls for sweet posts. ditujukan khas kepada cik imara natchiar. support system + bulan loves you!

another chance to erase & then repeat it again.

aaarrr finally got my period. i'm bored. i need lunch. & attention. this is pointless really. can i have some matt bellamy please?


god i sound drunk.


really, there's an odd sort of comfort from blasting Muse songs into my ear. it's undeniable. something good did come out of this. i've been reminded of you so painfully this pass few days (normal, period mode, now that i think of it). but yes something good did come out of it.


i don't get it. still don't get it honestly. i wasn't that close to him, especially towards the end of it. yeah we had some moments in school. 2004 (was it 2004?) kelab pelancongan AGM. 2005 hari koko stuff, the chicken chop sessions, the "wait for him finish kawad with a bottle of mineral water". the whole "kakak aku" thing. hahaha ohhh & yes tumpang solat at your house incident. hahahah golden moment. that was the moment i felt truly family with you.


but towards the end, almost nothing. but why. do. i. miss. you. so. much. almost three years after? why do i care so much? why does it hurt so much? three freaking years after.


there.. macam mana tiba-tiba boleh jadi luahan rasa hati ni? hahah kamon, budak. let's citizen erased :)

it's been too long. mau jumpa boleh? come tonight please? i'm delusional, i know.

yes i know i'm spamming my own blog. i'm bored, ok?

How did you feel last night?
erhh.. normal?

Do you have any plans Friday?
babysitting layla shuha-shuha. we're going to watch some dvds :D

What's your favorite thing to do when you're bored?
spam my own blog.

What were you doing an hour ago?
sitting in front of this pc, feeling horrible.

In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
neah.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
yeah

Are all of your friends virgins?
hmmmmm...

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
raskolnikoff. (go wikipedia him)

So you want to see somebody right now?
YES please

Would you rather sing or dance in front of 100,000 people?
can i lip-sync?

Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
depends. is the science more of biology/chemistry? is the math more of addmaths?

Are you a forgiving person?
i really dont know. it's not that i forgive, usually it's jz that i feel bad for holding a grudge or resenting people.

What are you listening to?
the fan.

Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring?
ew no

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
almost everything. because he's my boyfriend. ooh wait.. ada2. hahah tho lama tak chat due to some awkwardness :P

Are you short?
yes

Last people you rode in a car with?
imara

Are you nice to everyone?
i hv a feeling i am. & i dont like it.

Where was your default taken?
erhh.. since this is my blog, that pic on my profile is taken in kedah.

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone for over an hour?
*coughs* R.

Did you sleep alone last night?
nopes. was accompanied by my fishes :) (yes i know. i have 2 suckerfish & 1 guppy. so they're fishes, ok?)

Will you be up before seven am tomorrow?
definitely not.

Your number one tells you they're pregnant, you say?
HAHAHAHAHAH cause my #1 on myspace is my bro. well, he's been pregnant his whole adult life. hahahah

Do you think you can last in a relationships more than 6 months?
i hv been in this relationship for 4yrs +-

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
it better be

Do you consider yourself a study freak?
neahhh. i am a control freak when it comes to assignments, tho.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
ramai.

Ever gone camping?
ohhh camping, please!

What happened at 3:00pm today ?
was at yaya's house with layla shuha-shuha.

What are your weekend plans?
meeting up w wan i think

Where were you three hours ago?
otw back from maulana kot

Who was the last person you hugged?
layla shuha-shuha

Have you had anything alcoholic in the last 24 hours?
nopes

Are you wearing shoes right now?
nopes

When was the last time you saw a movie ?
semalam

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
yes. misters bellamy, howard & wolstenholme.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
YES.

we're not missing yet another one, ok?

the day has finally come. the day, or should i say night, where fai makes a statement that makes me re-evaluate my life. "that's why i like punk bands. no matter how big they get, ticket prices are always the same. it's up to you to get to the front of the stage" he said after i complained about how expensive big night out's going to be.

the first clear thought that crossed my mind was, "damn i miss the days when i was so into the used & nothing else, when worries such as going to their concert or being in love with the guys in the band never crossed my mind". they'll never come here, that i know for a fact. & until now, i don't really have a clear picture of their faces in my head. i don't know their names, i know almost nothing about them. except their songs.

damn i'm turning lame. i'm in love with matthew bellamy. i want to marry matthew bellamy. i have a secret crush on dominic howard. i want to go to their concert. i want to see them live. i'm so lame. i'm not a freaking concert person. wtf am i thinking?!

so am i going to waste rm400 (for tickets alone) just to stand crushed in a crowd, just to be one of their million fans? kalau dapat jumpa matthew bellamy face to face, spend some time getting to know him, or terus get married takpe jugak. but just to stand in a crowd? fuck no hilyah. stop this crap.

MUSE, YOU GUYS SUCK! for announcing yet another asian date that is not Malaysia. for demanding singapore indoor stadium, hence making ticket price wayyy expensive. for just being Muse, the mainstream band that everyone loves, including me.

saya mahu pergi sorok bawah comforter & never come out.

*breathes in, breathes out*

no it's no one's fault hilyah. you're just trying to keep his memory alive. you're dying to go to this singapore gig because it's a day after the 3rd anniversary.
i'll try my best. even if i die trying. i'll bring a piece of you with me.
imara, kubur jom please.

ramblings at 400km/h

tickets for big night out singapore is going on sale this monday (the 16th) & bloody hell i'm a nervous wreck. i mean, the previous one which was outdoors (at fort canning) was priced S$110. this upcoming one is at the indoor stadium, & they say it's going to cost more. so i'm expecting to pay like at least RM300. dammit! ptptn, where art thou?

pastu, lagi lah nervous because they haven't announced the full line up. i'm sure they are going to before tickets are sold, but still, i'm soooo nervous as it is ok?! not that it matters much, but i'd pay RM300 for Muse alone, not seeing Muse sekejap after enduring hours & hours of other kind of crap.

lagi satu yang paling tak boleh belah is it's going to be on a fricking WEDNESDAY. so, kalau tiba-tiba dapat lecturer tak boleh belah (or ada test ke, assignment punya submission ke) it's either bye bye Muse or bye bye 1 semester. (sanggup ke aku repeat 1 semester untuk Muse? aku rasa kalau dapat backstage passes ke, meet & greet ke, yes aku sanggup)

haih.. haih.. can i see the future please? or lagi senang, kasi je la aku ability to teleport. semua gig dia aku pergi. lagi best, teleport masuk changing room, slamber! :D

Pisau Cukur jenama Schick Ultra

semalam pergi tengok pisau cukur dengan imara, farid, yus & michi. sumpah filem melayu terbaik aku pernah tengok! most importantly, the language they used in the movie wasn't melayu baku yang menjelakkan. though orang mungkin akan jelak dengan character maya karin & especially fazura. tapi diorang sumpah lawak kot!

the movie was full of hidden jokes yang macam "wtf gila tak boleh belah kah kah kah gelak-sampai-sepak-kerusi-orang-depan-bertalu-talu". especially the scene yang datuk zak membelai briefcasenya dalam office dia. hadoiii~

not to mention aaron aziz (yang sebelum ni aku memang tak kenal, & rasa macam "amende la nama aaron aziz? cannot go okay") sangat hot dalam movie ni :P

oh my diane von furstenberg, movie ini perlu perlu tengok okay. ni kalau masuk astro box office memang aku ulang tengok berkali-kali. tiada langsung perasaan dimana aku telah membazirkan rm9 yang boleh digunakan untuk top up phone.

keep up the good work people!

something Tranquil.

i found this quote while randomly googling stuff.

"When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it." - Edward W. Howe

& the first thing that popped into my head was..

little miss bubble (the one with the yellow tail)

the view from my bed

supermassive thanks to imara for the fishies! I LOVE YOU!!! :D

thanks to mama for the plants & the suckerfish, & to yaya&hafetz for the aquarium :)

MUSE ARE COMING TO SINGAPORE FEBRUARY 3rd!!!!!!!!!! for the big night out event

I'D SOOOO SCREAM BLOODY MURDER IF I'M NOT CURRENTLY FEELING SO SUPER LOW.

PLUS IT'S 1.30a.m.

BUT FUCK IT! MAFFOO HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO SPEND ALL OF MY PTPTN MONEY (BOTH FROM THIS SEM & NEXT SEM).

I'M FREAKING GOING!

FMLi

i really did love you. sumpah, tak tipu, sayang.

you are my guiding light.

"when comfort & warmth can't be found i still reach for you.."

when i say that Muse brings me comfort & peace, i'm serious. no joke.

because today i woke up feeling like shit. plus totally de-energized (some caffeine-hangover effect). then i remembered the UD video being released on myspace. so i switched the PC on.

& guess what. dombie's approved my friend request. MADE MY FUCKING DAY. i'mma start spamming his profile now :D

still waiting for the music video to fully load. but anything that has my 3 favouritest guys will definitely be awesome.

Mr. Bellamy, Mr. Howard & Mr. Wolstenholme, i honestly owe you guys my life.

"..but i'm lost & crushed & cold & confused with no guiding light left inside."

relationship status: it's complicated fucked up.

it's fucked up when you say "i love you" & your partner of 6 years replies "ok" after a pause.

it's fucked up when instead of asking her what's wrong, you say "bye" like it's a normal way to end a telephone conversation.

it's fucked up when you failed to notice how that partner of yours have pulled away so much from you.

it's fucked up that you simply assume that it's Muse (or some other thing, i don't know what you're assuming) that's diverting her attention.

it's so fucked up that you just have no clue that something (other than Muse) IS going on.

& the most fucked up thing of all is when she asks you "if things were to fall apart, should we just let it be", you answer "it's up to you".




this could simply be hormones. or it could be the truth. all i know is i feel like crap.

fight for me, you idiot. FIGHT FOR ME!

or am i the one who's not getting the signs?

support system

through sunshine,

through rain.

through good days,

& through bad ones

through pretty days,

through not so pretty days.

& through the completely random ones.

you're right wan. we've been boring. we should snap more pictures. & pamper ourselves more. jom! that's what the holidays are for :D

aaa i love you babes so much!

freedom! (huh what, Dom's free? ohhh)

Done. With. Finaaaaaaaals! woot woot!

it's time for endless PMT hours.
endless PDT hours maybe? :P

UD music video released tomorrow.

0h! books to read!

& not forgetting kononnya nak cari kerja.
(but suddenly the thought of being glued in front of the pc reading/watching/listening to everything muse related sound sooooo appealing :P)

ahh sudah, sudah. jangan jadi macam emoticon kat myspace yang duduk dalam shell tu. haha :P
friends, save me.

tiada point apa-apa. cuma jari gatal mahu berlari atas papan kekunci ini.

i could blog about muse, but that's been over blogged about.

i could blog about exams, but i'll leave it till after my last paper.

i could blog about anything at all, but i just can't seem to think of anything.

except this.


"ye la tu.. tidak x jd gak kalau hati x b'kata.." he said.
goodnight! :)

http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_muse/320994.html#cutid1


another link worth clicking on when in need of laughter :D




by the way, a certain aurora borealis' (someone on PMT) signature is funnnnnny as hell.

"i travelled half the world to say
you are my μ"

hahahahahahahah which is TRUE! hahahahah ouhkay i'm positively high.

cross-pollination

sebab aku tak reti tulis music notes (dan juga malas nak carik), aku akan tulis bunyi nya.



teng teng teng, teng teng teng, teng teng teng, teng teng teng...



over & over & over & over & over again dari pagi tadi, all through MKT420 paper, sampai balik rumah, makan, tidur, bangun balik & sekarang depan computer cuba untuk study HRM533 pulak.

can't freaking get it out of my head.



... rise above the crowd, & break through toxic clouds. breach the outer sphere. the edge of all our fears rests with you. we are counting on you. it's up to you...



nah. don't know why this picture looks so cute. maybe sebab the focus is on domdom kot. hee :P (sekali-sekala cheat on matt with his own band member, apa salahnya kan?)

mereka yang menghasilkan ketenangan

dah. aku sudah tidak suka waktu malam.

kan seronok kalau dalam hidup kita ni ada orang yang boleh bagi semua jawapan kat kita. no more questions. no more doubts & what ifs. dia akan guide kita ke path yang betul. what to do in life, who to love, when, where, how. semua terjawab.

then there wouldn't be mistakes. wouldn't be people who cheats on their partner in pursue of "something more". wouldn't be uneducated people & drop outs. mesti semua yang kita buat berjaya. mesti semua orang gembira. mesti tiada war.

kan seronok kalau macam tu?

juga seronok kalau ubat anti-depression & pil tidur dijual seperti gula-gula 20sen.

note to (older) self: nanti bila dah berkeluarga & beranak-pinak, don't nag to your kids. especially when you've been out the whole day, & si anak baru balik rumah, seeing you for the first time that day. sebab it just makes the anak feels like going out again & never come back.

juga, stop looking out for things that are out of order, or isn't done. instead, give praises for what has been done.

shall i compare thee to a summer's day?

sebab you made it sound like it was entirely my fault (without even saying it out loud).

sebab even though you're sad & angry, you still had good thoughts for me (atau mungkin sekadar ayat power?).

sebab the beginning of verse pertama "In Your World".

sebab the ending of verse pertama "Anna Molly".

mungkinkah sebab ia sudah lama; routine, hambar?

mungkinkah sebab ia baru; out of the ordinary, exciting?

honestly:
i'm a spoilt attention-seeking brat.
i really shouldn't be comparing.
i should just start studying.

this itch.

a glimpse at the clock tells me that it's 24 hours since we sat in that small gazebo-thing, freezing our asses off despite being huddled close together. fog is indeed such a beautiful thing right? where we were was just simply beautiful. & i'd give everything i have to be there now, doing to same thing, with the same people, though maybe wearing an extra thick sweater. because i hate the things i think of when i'm alone. i hate the things i miss when i'm in complete silence. i hate where my mind wanders & how it makes me feel. god. my finals haven't even started & i'm already suffering from insomnia. sleeping pills, anyone, please?

of seeing & hearing heath ledger again

emotionally shaken : when you can literally feel you soul shaking. just shivering. shaken. disturbed.

there's just something about seeing a video or recording of someone who's dead. to see them talking & moving & laughing.

but when i saw his movies i didn't feel this way. not this bad. maybe because these were interviews of him. his real self. not just some character he's playing.

disturbing. i'm shaken. i'm sad. god. this sucks.

i feel like i'm literally crawling. on a rough surface.

it's the typical case of "i know exactly what i want, i know exactly where to find it, but i can't because it's inappropriate & i don't have the rights to go get it".

last assignment of the semester lya. come on! don't be such a weakling.

missing Muse fan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrhEo-rLXC8



just goes to show how humble & nice & brilliant & caring & just plain human these guys are. i know i'm like halfway across the world, but who knows where andy is now right? c'mon andy. free tickets & a meet with the band!



i'm praying to god andy's alive & well. spread this people.

words/emotions that ran through my brain today

• surreal
• never thought this day would come
• "omg omg omg ika aku nak mati dah!"

& berbagai-bagai lagi i just can't put it into words.

so yeah. convo huh?

phew!

it's raining, it's pouring.


everything seems much worse when you're alone & in total silence.
i can't freaking do anything. i feel so useless. & all the years come flooding back. all the memories. & the fact i haven't made much effort these last few years.
god please. not yet. not ever. please.


you're going to recover. & everything will be all right. god please.

new moon stuff, EW.

no offense to you, matt sayang. but the new moon version of i belong to you is just off. the guitar is too harsh i guess? 'cause the song, despite being catchy & pop-ish, is a bit on the soft side actually. it's all the classical instruments. the focus on the piano. it's soft, honestly. & the guitar just sounds out of place. well, if i know you well enough, i'd say you purposely did it that way. haha seriously it sounds carelessly made. oh & you edited out the french part :( oh well.. just my thoughts on the matter.

R.

aku dah jumpa "theme song" untuk kau. that promotional NME recorded-on-tour-bus track thingy. Man of Mystery rerecorded by Muse. the title fits. & the moment i heard it (tonight lah) aku rasa sangat fitting. mungkin sebab otak aku bersepah dengan thoughts of kau sekarang. ahh sudah sudah. aku sudah sangat dekat dengan insanity. *bawls*

"i want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask."

buka semula kotak memori.

kau!

kau..

ahh kau...

siapa sangka.

tunggang-langgang.

nasib baik tak accident.

i had half a mind to turn back.

did i just let an opportunity go?

ahh kau..
kau buat aku rasa semua itu semula. like not a day has passed. like it was day one all over again.




"sesungguhnya aku merindui perasaan itu; di mana kurasakan setiap titis darahku lenyap seketika, kemudian ia menyimbah ke muka; merona merah. hingga telapak tanganku pucat kedinginan, serta lututku menggigil tak bermaya. aku rasakan itu tatkala bertentang mata dengan dia." - august 15th, 2008

of explosions & gunshot sounds

if you want to commit a crime, don't just do it right, but go all the way so that if you get caught, it'll all be worth it.

it will also help if one of your accomplice is a magistrate. & your father (or in my case, friend's father) is present. hmm, come to think of it, there were only two underaged persons tonight (& one of them is unborn).

to all residents of taman zaaba, & perhaps lorong & persiaran zaaba, thousand apologies (think "mind your language").



good times :D

on politics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42mesIUG3kI&feature=player_embedded


i found myself nodding vigorously to all the things he said. it's more vigorous than how i nod in class when i am actually listening to the lecturer (i usually faintly nod when i'm not paying attention). not because it's matthew bellamy speaking. but because i agree with everything he said. ALL OF IT. even the cattle & animals part.

especially the last bit about education system ignoring politics.

see, this is why i'm so obsessed with him. not only because he's drop dead gorgeous, & an englishman, not only because he writes beautiful (beaufitul again *shakes head*) melodies AND lyrics to boot. but because he has brains. because he's not simply caught up in all the spotlight & dazzled by all the shimmering, glittering celebrity crap. his feet are so firmly placed on the ground that he notices things in real life that even normal, everyday people, who goes through the things in their daily life, doesn't notice.

i just love the way he scratches his head & nose & everywhere when he's talking.

i love the way he corrects himself while talking. i know there's a term for it, but i can't recall. but you know, when you say something & mid sentence you suddenly realize the person you're talking to might not agree with it, so you kind of add things like "i don't know how it is with you, but for me i believe..."

i just love the way he speaks. (& i think i'm turning that way. or maybe i've always been that way, i just noticed)

oh & imara, SHIRT! hahaha

i should stop gushing. just freaking watch the interview.

because i think we're most truthful in surveys

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
yeah

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
erhh.. ouhh yeah now i remember who i fell hardest for. nope. can you believe it, i've never really spoken to him.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
nopes

What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
erm.. it's always summer in malaysia..

Are any of your friends taller than you?
yeah most of them

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?
i don't know really. if he doesn't make me laugh AT ALL then i guess no i won't be able to date him. but that's a bit sad right?

Do you think high school relationships can last?
ermm.. hello! exhibit A here.

Does the person you like/love names start with a B?
nopes. or maybe yes. YES. bellamy. hahaha

Reason for the last tear shed?
jap.. when was that? can't remember.

When you're sad, do you want to be alone or do you want someone?
i want to be with someone, but not necessarily to talk about it.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches?
yeah in a perfect world.

Have you ever been in a hospital?
been to a hospital yes countless times. admitted into one, nopes.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you?
oh haven't we all

Could you go a whole year without cursing?
nopes. i have to curse. at least once a month. hahah

Do you want to get married and have kids?
yeap

Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
sunrise

Do you think making out is slutty?
if it's with everyone in sight, yes.

Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships?
err yeah *blush* :P

Someone tells you that your beautiful, you say?
"you need spects". unless that someone is pear. it's his responsibility to say it. haha

How many arguments did you have with the last person you kissed?
didn't i say like hundreds of times? i don't kiss & tell. huhu

Lip piercings on both sides of your bottom lip, disgusting right?
kinda. but if it's just one piercing on the bottom lip, oohh heaven.

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
yeah. but i can't.

How long is your hair?
not long enough, but it's growing alright.

What is a compliment you receive often?
"you ni rajin lah". yeah that's because i'm a control freak

Do you like funny people or serious people?
depends. i can't stand idiotically funny people

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
i'm not even going to bother answering

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
oh wells...

Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
yeap. even with the lamest, jerk-iest boyfriend.

Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?
yeah i am

Who is your celebrity crush?
MATTHEW JAMES BELLAMY i'd totally marry him right now (& i just answered i'm happy with where i am relationship-wise now. pfft)

Who were you with last night?
noone. i was at home getting work done (control freak, yeap)

What language do you want to learn?
am learning japanese now. i guess german, ermm latin? huhu i guess if i could learn all the languages in the world i would.

Do you think abortions are horrible?
YES god

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
limau suam

Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
my parents, yeah..

Is being in love hard?
sometimes. because of all the compromise, trust, give & not only take crap.

Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2010?
i don't know. things can change tomorrow & i wouldn't know it's going to right?

Are you a social or antisocial person?
i guess more on the antisocial side

Can money buy happiness?
Yes. If you have someone to spend it on <-- i like this answer so i'm just going to leave it

Has anyone said they loved you in the last week?
oh yes i know we're cheesy but we say i love you about 10 times a day (mainly 'cause we ran out of other things to say haha)

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
right now? not really. sorethroat. presentation postponed again. slightly annoyed i guess.

Would you ever dye your hair blond?
neahh.. red, yes.

Have you ever been high or drunk during school/work?
nopes. i've really never been high on substances & drunk. i've been high on sugar & loved ones though. huhu

Do you have anything on your wrist at the moment?
erhh yeah sort of. ink. hahah the word, or rather, the name "bells"

Whats the first thing that comes to your head when you hear the word old?
ermm.. old people?

Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone?
sometimes.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
yeah

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
i don't know what these are. sort of like cotton slacks or something.

Can you commit to one person?
am committing

Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
yeap

Kissed anyone older than you?
ignoring the question

When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
depends

Ever made a guy cry?
oh wells. hahah

Are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?
well i know i sort of got over starlight, sing for absolution, unintended & the lot. but yeah i guess there are other songs that pierces a little bit. suppose i shouldn't listen to them during that time of the month. haha

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?
i suppose love itself is some sort of friendship. but it so happens you care more for that person than other people. & well, you're physically attracted to them & all. but whether the friendship comes first or the love, it doesn't matter i guess. as long as the friendship is there.

Are you counting down for anything?
yeah to finals. i want to get all these assignments done & over with, & eventually the semester done & over with.

To get with someone of the opposite sex, have you ever faked being drunk?
nopes

Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
lols.

Would you date someone three years older than you?
i'm in a relationship with someone 2 years older than me. & i would like to marry someone 10 years older than me. that's all.

Are you a different person now then you were 5 years ago?
definitely. or maybe not different, just developed, matured. i don't know.

Ever been in a perfect relationship?
people say this is perfect. & i guess it is. because imperfections make it perfect right?

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
"gapo mung?"

esokmauponteng(again)pleasethankyou

makin dekat dengan finals..

makin bertimbun assignment (yang percentage final marks-nya makin besar)..

makin penting pergi kelas sebab lecturer maybe discuss past sem (atau lagi best, bagi soalan finals terus)..

makin MALAS nak pergi kelas.

makin thoughts seperti "alah esok lecturer lek je, dia tak kisah orang ponteng kelas dia".

MEMANG LAH DIA TAK KISAH! SEBAB NANTI BILA FINAL KAU TAK RETI NAK JAWAB SOALAN, TINGGAL KOSONG, MAKIN SENANG DIA NAK MARK PAPER KAU!

pangkah, pangkah, pangkah, KOSONG! FAIL! REPEAT!

dahlah hilyah. pergi tidur.

makin drama kau ni.

aaaaaaaaand this is what i get for being overly obsessed with muse. a headache & slight nausea feeling, like if i read or hear another word on USoE, i'll totally barf (yeap, feeling like barfing right now)

i'm just gonna do it. go up to the front of the class & just blab. what i do best, i know. god i need sleep. enough "researching".

weirdly enough, i suddenly get the feeling of listening to the resistance. hahah ya allah hilyah kau ni memang tak serik.

verdasco's playing right now. RIGHT NOW. i hear girls screaming. i hate them. i hate this. i need to find tennis friends who'd go to the stadium with me. but then again, by the time i find tennis friends, malaysian open will be long over. ARGHHHHHHHH screw this!

setelah cuba dan cuba dan cuba untuk masuk student portal, dan tidak berjaya dan tidak berjaya dan tidak berjaya, aku akan masuk ke bilik dan get comfy. f.u. uitm :)

semalam adalah hari "team building". actually nak blog cuma bila nadia dah upload gambar, tapi macam tak ada tanda-tanda dia nak upload pun. so gasak lah. bosan (even though bedtime dah lepas oh well)

melayan nafsu binatang setelah selesai berpuasa sebulan (dan beraya seminggu). menghasut salah seorang ahli untuk ponteng kelas (well, dia yang hasut diri sendiri. kitorang dah nekad nak tinggal dia sebenarnya muahahah). 1 regular super supreme pan pizza, 2 mushroom soup, 4 batang breadstix, 2 pinggan pasta, 4 gelas air lembut (soft drink). & seterusnya half dozen big apple donuts. mm-mmm good~ bak kata iklan campbell soup. & of course, what girls do best, shoe shopping. masing-masing bikin havoc dalam kedai "oi cantik tak kalau aku pakai kasut ni time convo?" almaklum, first time nak pakai jubah dan apa-nama-topi-4-segi-tu? malas nak google.

good times. hopefully selepas sesi "team building" ni, kerjasama untuk assignment-assignment akan datang lebih mantap *cough* sina-yang-belanja-pizza-sebab-dia-tak-pernah-buat-kerja-sebelum-ni *cough* hahah ohh macam-macam..

suka hati aku lah aku tak puas hati

mau complain yang bukan-bukan please. tak mahu baca, tak perlu baca.

benci tengok dia merokok. it's bad enough i have a boyfriend who smokes, who's weak enough to not be able to quit smoking. tolong lah, jangan merokok depan aku. benci ok? there's no other word to describe it.

why can't malaysians be punctual? kau ingat aku hidup untuk tunggu semua orang? & let's extend this a wee bit further. aku juga tidak hidup untuk take orders dari semua orang dan dikerah macam-macam oleh semua orang ok?

& someone's been using my car. like everyday. & i know who. tapi please lah. anda ada kereta sendiri ok. KITA SEMUA ada kereta sendiri. tak suka lah malam tadi park kereta tempat lain tiba-tiba siang hari kereta dah berpindah tempat. & lagi tak suka bila lagu dan terforward-forward kedepan bila aku naik kereta aku balik.

aku sakit perut.

assignment ni sumpah membosankan. how the hell do you do a summary again? itu macam cerita 4 tahun lepas ok? please. my memory isn't that good.

oh oh dan apa kena dengan orang yang pergi kelas tak bawak telinga? kenapa perlu tanya soalan bodoh yang even aku yang short term memory loss ni pun boleh ingat lecturer dah bagitau dalam kelas. nak reply message tu costs money ok? nak aku reply kerap-kerap, sopan-sopan, baik-baik, sila top up kan.

hmm apa lagi ah nak complain? oklah one last one.

boleh tak buat mamak yang non-smoking? bencilah balik from lepak session dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kuku kaki sampai ke baju-baju dalam semua sekali bau asap rokok. annoying ok? it gives me sorethroat, it just plain bugs me.

mungkin ada satu penyelesaian untuk semua ini (except part aku sakit perut tu); belajar rajin-rajin, carik kerja bagus, dapat gaji banyak-banyak. supaya:

1. boleh goda lelaki sesuka hati, sampai jumpa yang perfect tak hisap rokok segala
2. tak perlu jadi hamba semua orang. biar orang pulak tunggu aku
3. setiap orang yang sibuk nak pakai-pakai kereta aku, aku belikan je kereta untuk dia
4. (aku sakit perut ni tak boleh nak bantu la. or maybe boleh bina toilet cantik-cantik biar selesa nak melabur)
5. dah kerja & kaya apa jadahnya nak buat assignment lagi?
6. again, tak perlu associate dengan orang-orang yang redundant
7. dan paling penting, bukak business mamak non-smoking pastu jadikan franchise

yeah :D

note to self: next lime green classic book will be "1984"

BBC 6 Music podcast titled 20092009. word association. matt's part was just beautiful. i'm not just saying it because i'm obsessed with him. but just listen to him describe "love" & "space". it's just an unexpected version. totally different from what you hear everyday. totally beautiful (& i just spelt it "beaufitul". nice)

& while we're at it, check out behind the scene at royal albert hall on muse.mu under media player. talk about playing by ear. genius. hahah

ramblings

sudah lama tak update blog, kan? well, lama enough lah.

what with raya, getting The Resistance, a birthday, to name a few. memang wajar distracted.

tapi tidak. actually malas nak duduk depan comp sebab it reminds me of the assignment yang due isnin ni yang aku LANGSUNG TAK START LAGI. haihh. tolong saya.

anyways, The Resistance huh. got the dvd pack. LOVE matt's antics in the video. especially the booty-shaking masa dom duk buat tarian memanggil hujan dia tu (can't remember which song. undisclosed desires kot. it is, sorta, the weirdest danciest song on the album kan?). tapi ada sedikit kekecewaan lah. tang acknowledgements tu. "thanks to gaia..." noooo tak perlulah mention itu nama DDD': jealous ok?

hah.. cakap pasal gaia. semalam aku tanya pear "are you jealous of matt?". "nope. not at all" katanya. "cuba you panggil matt, dia datang tak? you panggil i, i datang kan.." katanya lagi. he's got a point. hahah

eid

honestly, i have other more important things to do.

like my assignments, house chores, etc.

but, malas.

so anyway, i'm not exactly feeling all this right now (i have a knack for not really feeling anything when i'm hungry, other than hunger). but the other day i was full, baru lepas buka puasa, baru lepas mandi. you know, the mellow, kenyang-tahap-high feeling. & then i realized i miss this oh so much.

2005

2006

2008

& many more. but these are the raya moments.
i'm not feeling it. i'm not exactly missing it, & i especially don't feel like it's raya.
hopefully i'll feel differently after buka :P

Uprising

http://www.mtvmusic.com/muse_uk_/videos/435512/uprising.jhtml

you know, i just realized (ok not JUST la, lama dah. tapi baru acknowledge) that if i'm not feeling so strongly for matt, i might just be in love with dom.

oh well. whichever. hahah


btw.. the link. yes, the link. larger-than-life teddy bears? or barbie-sized muse? you decide.

is it an effect of growing up or is it just me?

or is this what people call "the grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome?

or is it just because?

sometimes i get super excited anticipating for something, only to lose interest the minute i get it.

sometimes i just don't feel at all.

most of the time, i feel like something great is just around the corner, but never here.

i'm not making much sense.

one split second of feeling i'm near you.

& that's on youtube.

kalau kau betul-betul depan aku, aku mati heart attack kot.

then it'd be a total waste.

hahahahahahahahaha.




oh did i tell you? i'm christening my car "bells".

achtung!

jaga-jaga.

i'm getting used to your absence.

maybe too used to it.

maybe even slightly detached.

jaga-jaga.

this is not a good sign (for you).

$$$

ok i'm seriously getting annoyed with ptptn.

MANA WANG PINJAMANKU?!

dah seminggu kot borang perubahan maklumat tu sampai kat korang. & no excuses, last monday korang tak cuti ok?

kalau by tomorrow wang pinjamanku tak masuk lagi, macam mana aku nak beli album muse on monday? (provided monday ni jugak JUGAK it's available in stores kat sini)

ye. tau. menyalahgunakan wang pinjaman untuk beli album. tapi suka hati lah. kalau tak beli jiwa tak tenteram. nanti tak boleh study. hence beli album muse pakai wang pinjaman = justified.

lekas lekas lekas wahai ptptn. saya mahu wang pinjaman saya.

definitely irresistible.

*sedang mempertimbangkan*

*should i?*

*no i shouldn't*

*tapi nak...*

*ahh tak payah lah. sendiri tahu sudaaah*

*ok takpelah. sikit je*

one question: pernah rasa nak nangis dengar lagu?



bukan sebab lyrics sedih, bukan sebab melody sayu. tapi sebab hebat. sebab masuk menusuk (in a good way). sebab...
“If I’d been listening to Berlioz or Beethoven in the 19th century, I would probably have said to you, ‘I’m hearing the sound of God.’ In the modern secular world, and given the fact that I’m not religious, I turn to other subjects, be it ideas about space, or political questions.”
... he interpreted the "hearing the sound of God" part dengan sungguh tepat.

eh. terpanjang pulak :P

listening to Undisclosed Desires with the lyrics window open.

"You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine"

this is my Dark Shines part 2.

suka hati aku lah :D

& the countdown to oct 23rd starts now.

prepare to scream.




DARREN SHAN THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!
aaaAAAaaaaAAAaaaAaaaAA!!! *screams bloody murder*




Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.
i'm excited. FUCKING excited.
i'm nervous. i don't want them to spoil this like they spoiled harry potter.
i'm puzzled. are they like going to make all 12 books into movies?
i'm EXCITED!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bessssssttttttttttttt

another untitled post

bila posts orang lain menusuk kalbu.
dan rasa rindu itu timbul.
flashes of memories.
waking up sobbing my throat out.
i swear to God i've never cried that hard.
bila setiap kali terpandang jam tepat pukul 09:23.
that sharp pain.
& everything in between.

is it because it's that time of the month?
or is it because it's that particular month in the year?

dia berbicara tentang had dan batasan.
dimana kekuasaan Tuhan itu wujud dalam kelemahan kita.
this is had & batasan at its most extreme.
this is kekuasaan Tuhan at its greatest.
this is my biggest weakness.

track 4

"Nowhere to go
I'm not leaving, I'm not going
I'm not kissing you goodbye...
On my own
I'm nothing, just bleeding
I'm not kissing you goodbye..."

chey drama lebih. padahal nak naik tidur je..


it's raining, it's pouring;
the old man woman is snoring...

goodnight! :D happy ni major headache dah selesai.. bebas merdeka (for now) hee

what is this i see on my blog?

habuk?

oh damn!



-------
term paper due tomorrow
presentation next tuesday
japanese reading & oral test next wednesday
two quizzes on that same wednesday

i need a breather.
or matt bellamy, in person, whichever.

scraps of emotion

if this is pms, then it sure is the longest most emotional one.


why is it when i feel like talking about real stuff, there is no one there to talk to?


but when there is someone to talk to, i just can't put it into words. all this weird thoughts & emotions, it feels so tangible yet i can't put it into words.


i hate how "on my own" makes me feel. because it true. it's spot on.


when you bring me comfort, but pain at the same time, that's when i don't know anymore.


horoscope for today:
"you need to do whatever you can to keep your mind focused - things are pretty crazy right now but if you can just take a deep breath and take care of one thing at a time it should all be just fine"

hmm.. i wonder..

aku sebenarnya mahukan itu. yang itu. yang specific tu.

jadi cubalah macam mana pun, assignment malam ni confirm hampeh.

sebab otak ke lain. ke laut!

fuck facebook.
sebab the worst feeling in the world is regret. lagi-lagi bila terjadi moment "rub it in"

post ke-100 yang emosi.

hari ni muzik yang masuk menusuk ke dalam lubuk hati aku tu sangat menyakitkan. pedih! sampai nak nangis! sumpah tak tipu.



dunia dah nak kiamat. percaya tak? kalau dulu aku depressed kena stay kat perak hujung minggu sebab ada LDK. tapi sekarang aku depressed sebab hujung minggu tak boleh PERGI KE PERAK sebab ada LDK.



gah!

why don't you just admit that you don't honestly want me that bad?

i know i was talking about matt bellamy the other night, but when i said i hate being second to anything, it means i hate being second to anything. be it his music, or your obsession with football & your friends.

are you like, gay or something? 'cause if you are, just tell me. i'll be cool with it ok? plenty of fish in the sea. & i'm kinda like pretty eager to look for a guy who really wants me.

like, guys who actually made the effort to check which group i'm in this saturday hoping i'm in his group too? yeah. like that. & more.

FUCK YOU MAN.

"i'm outside"

yeah. about an hour late.

FUCK YOU AGAIN.

somehow this feels important

because we can only love them so much, but God loves them more.

Chino
ermm, bila eh? - 080809

farewell, my favorite non-human pianist.
now, i will really freak out when imara's piano plays itself in the middle of the night.
play nice in heaven!
i know you're just curious, but Kenit might have told you you can be a bit overexcited at times :P
but i love you just the same :)