something tells me to follow my heart.

there's just something that feels right the whole of last night & all through today.
despite various cacat-ing events.. one that even lead to a breakdown session at 3.30am.
especially because.. uhm.. of some naughty stuff (no lin no not saying anything huu huuuu).
felt right through the random sort of sesi kaunseling (oh POV from the opposite sex/impartial party mean so so much to me).
felt right walaupun mengantuk tahap gaban.
then i realized one thing, i wasn't thinking about him. almost not at all. & it felt right.

singapore, feb 2010, here i come.

flight ticket : rm109

concert ticket : rm290

discovering that i've actually been listening to Rise Against (& i enjoy listening to them) : priceless

for everything else, there's Faizal Ishak & MasterCard.



supermassive I Love You, Fai! for lending me your credit card, for all those perak-kl-perak trips, for making me listen to Rise Against without me actually knowing it, for making me listen to Rise Against again today with me knowing it's them & making me realize i've actually been enjoying them for at least a year now, & most importantly for not cancelling the transaction when i indirectly said we weren't siblings :P

now i need lunch. & i can die happy :D

Anak Bulan.

can we do it in point form, please?

• the script was so cheesy i nearly barfed (worse than that friend of bella's who barfed while watching face punch hahah)
• taylor lautner was hot though. & i was positively perving on him (can't blame me, dzul started it)
• i remember thinking, during the scene where the werewolves were chasing that vampire who's victoria's friend, for a movie that's suppose to creat such a craze & collect billions on its opening day itself, the cgi (or whatever you call it) is really bad. the werewolves look totally cartoon-ish.
• bella's such a bitch for what she's doing to jacob. edward freaking told you he doesn't want you & you're going all depressed & suicidal? have some ego, woman.
• oh & whatthefuck? Muse's I Belong To You was the background music of some freaking SHOPPING TRIP? you can't even hear the remix in the song. why bother remixing it in the first place? i kind of get why they wanted that song (duh, the title says everything) but squeezing the song in the movie where it totally didn't make sense? i'm pissed.
• but i got to shout "go Muse!" in the cinema so i'm happy :D

all in all, it's just a bad movie. but, thanks to the crowd (the people i went with & everyone in the cinema who was really sporting), it wasn't really RM11 wasted. so yeah. don't take the movie too seriously, laugh during all those corny love scenes, & perve on jacob's abs. you'll be surprised that you can actually come out of the cinema alive :)

i seriously, honestly don't get what all the hype is about

you know in twilight, how edward says he's intrigued by bella because he just can't seem to tune in to her thoughts. supposedly he said something like "i can read everyone's mind in this room, but when it comes to you.. nothing". something like that, i'm so lazy to go look it up. so yes. my very smart friend, nor hazwani zainal, said a very smart thing just now. "MAYBE SHE'S JUST NOT THINKING! that's why edward can't read her effing mind!" (ok i added the "effing" part)

yeah you can laugh now :D

God, wansayang, now i can die happy. hahahaha

inspirasi

i'm weird. i know. i've been reading this guy's blog for over a year. & somehow, whatever he blogs about mesti kena dengan hidup aku at that particular time. like whatever he blogs makes me go "betul! betul! i totally get you!" then comes the moment of silence where i just digest everything, & selalunya akan rasa tamparan hebat (like tonight).

so, i've added him to my blog list. enough of stalking around. hahah

kepada encik sekian-sekian. you inspire me, seriously. & i still feel honoured for getting the opportunity to be in your presence (eventhough that was almost half a year ago). cheers :)

it's usually the last few hours that you truly feel it. the utter annoyance, perasaan rindu & needy-ness yang meluap-luap.

Bells, sayang, i can't wait to go get you tomorrow! i've miss you so much :(

gahhh sudah penat rasa "patah kaki" & kecewa bila ada plan tapi tak ada kereta. grr.


--------------------------------


added at 1946hrs

you know you're a gone case when you accidentally read the name "Matthew" as "Bellamy". & whatever you were reading isn't even related to him, or Muse, at all.

:facepalm:

it could be wrong, could be wrong (to let our hearts ignite)

Random!
my left ear's itchy >.<

Is there anybody you hate with a passion?
hate is a strong word. what abt dislike w a passion? huhu

What do you think about snow?
cold & wet

Do you think sleeping is a waste of time?
NO definitely not

Do you daydream a lot?
yeah. even at night. huhu

What's your favourite kind of meat?
HAHAHAHAHAH haiyoh so deprived :P

Do you like sushi?
nopes. but yes imara, we shall go sushi if u want to. no one to berebut sashimi w. huhu

Do you drink coffee? A lot?
nope. nope.

Do you know anyone who's been in jail?
neahh. not personally.

Do you know anybody who has been murdered?
dun think so

What's the furthest you've been out of your home country?
i've never been outta this country

Do you exercise regularly?
i dont exercise.

What kinds of accessories do you wear?
gold necklace, bracelet & some rings

Do you keep up with current events?
neahh

Do you like your family, for the most part?
yeap

Do you hate it when someone wakes you up from a good dream?
oh god yes.

Are you grumpy in the morning?
i think so

How late do you usually stay up?
til the sun rises again

How big is your TV?
puny

When was the last time you weighed yourself?
hmm.. last week kot.

Do you have good self-esteem?
depends on the time of the month. huhu

Are you/were you a good student in school
oh yes. hahah

Do you enjoy camping?
YES! haihh tempted sungguh nak ikut mama & krs esok

Do you like big cities?
i like being in the outskirts of a big city

Do you climb trees?
used to.

Do you pose for pictures?
erhh.. i smile?

Are you usually behind or in front of the camera?
in front. i dont hv an eye for photography :(

Do you give to charity?
yeah when i hv extra cash/stuff

Do you mind sharing your food?
nope i dont mind.

Do you quote movies often?
oh yes. huhu

saying it out loud clarified a lot of things.

i want to go so bad because of you. for you.

i wish i could, but it's costing too much.

i'm so sooo sorry.

but this does not mean i'll stop trying my best, okay?

lagi-lagi survey

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars?
typical lari-lari lepastu tergolek dog masa sekolah rendah dulu.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
3days before the big day, imara planned a surprise party for me. & on my birthday itself my friends in perak sang happy birthday & bought cupcakes & stuff.

How are you feeling at this moment?
ngantuk but bangga kerana berjaya bangun pagi dan pergi bersenam

How did your night go last night?
it was okay. i was sort of feeling crappy after everything but i guess it's just the shock.

How did you do in high school?
do what?

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
one of the free stuff mama got (kawad kebangsaan 09)

How often do you see ur best friend?
been seeing them very often nowadays. loves :D

How much money did you spend last month?
i don't count. huhu

How old do you want to be when you get married?
can i get married now? please.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
22

NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?
nurhana bates binti abdullah

What did you do last weekend?
ohh a lot of stuff ;P

What is the most important part of your life?
laughter. huhu

What would you rather be doing?
now? sleeping

What did you last cry over?
izwan >.<

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
sometimes it's Muse, sometimes it's friends..

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
most important? awesome level of click-ness.

What are you worried about?
a lot of stuff. i'm a worrier.

What did you have for breakfast?
nasik lemak :D

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
duhh.. all the best ones are always taken kan?

Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeap

Have you ever been out of the country?
nopes. never even been out of the semenanjung

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
yes

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
maybe back in the high school days

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
neahh i'm not that shameless

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
yeap

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
oh yesss

SEVEN WHO’S:

Who was the last person you saw?
my dad

Who was the last person you texted?
R.

Who was the last person you hangout with?
wansyg

Who was the last person to call you?
wansyg

Who did you last hug?
wansyg

Who is the last person who texted you?
hotlink

Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?
pear

SIX WHERE’S:

Where does your best friend live?
ttdi. oh theres one in kuang. huhu

Where did you last go?
kiara then devis

Where did you last hang out?
erhh devis?

Where do you go to school?
SMKTTDI

Where is your favorite place to be?
in my room with my fish light on

Where did you sleep last night?
in my room. but with the fish light off

FIVE DO’S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?
yes

Do you think anyone likes you?
i hope :P

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
oh yeah like gaia polloni.

Do you know the muffin man?
yes. he's actually wansyg.

Does the future scare you?
of course

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
erhh.. because?

Why did you get a facebook?
because..

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
no actually my neighbour named me. he's like a god-grandfather to me.

Why are you doing this survey?
because i'm so lazy to go bathe

THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be??
teleport/fly

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
i don't know really

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
the lake of dead languages by carol goodman

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
nopes. not now.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
definitely. i'd shave it now if i can get away with it

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?
yeah i am

credit wang masuk, debit wang keluar. go figure it out.

duit ptptn dah finally masuk a/c aku. FINALLY!. & just in time with the BNO pre-sale thingy. but the thing is, believe it or not, Muse doesn't feel like the most important thing in my life now. i thought i was imagining it, but no. seriously. it definitely wasn't the first thing that crossed my mind when i realized i actually have money now. wow.

anyways.. on a totally unrelated matter, i just realized when you get so close to someone, to some extend you do have an emotional connection with that person. 'cause i'm feeling like SUPER crappy right now >.<

haihh.. back to the main subject which is money. i need to go draw up a financial plan before i spend all my money on food.

almost 2000m above sea level,

where the air is thin & foggy.
not to mention cold, freezing cold.
magical things happen.

p/s: post terlambat lebih kurang sebulan :P tapi recent event calls for sweet posts. ditujukan khas kepada cik imara natchiar. support system + bulan loves you!

another chance to erase & then repeat it again.

aaarrr finally got my period. i'm bored. i need lunch. & attention. this is pointless really. can i have some matt bellamy please?


god i sound drunk.


really, there's an odd sort of comfort from blasting Muse songs into my ear. it's undeniable. something good did come out of this. i've been reminded of you so painfully this pass few days (normal, period mode, now that i think of it). but yes something good did come out of it.


i don't get it. still don't get it honestly. i wasn't that close to him, especially towards the end of it. yeah we had some moments in school. 2004 (was it 2004?) kelab pelancongan AGM. 2005 hari koko stuff, the chicken chop sessions, the "wait for him finish kawad with a bottle of mineral water". the whole "kakak aku" thing. hahaha ohhh & yes tumpang solat at your house incident. hahahah golden moment. that was the moment i felt truly family with you.


but towards the end, almost nothing. but why. do. i. miss. you. so. much. almost three years after? why do i care so much? why does it hurt so much? three freaking years after.


there.. macam mana tiba-tiba boleh jadi luahan rasa hati ni? hahah kamon, budak. let's citizen erased :)

it's been too long. mau jumpa boleh? come tonight please? i'm delusional, i know.

yes i know i'm spamming my own blog. i'm bored, ok?

How did you feel last night?
erhh.. normal?

Do you have any plans Friday?
babysitting layla shuha-shuha. we're going to watch some dvds :D

What's your favorite thing to do when you're bored?
spam my own blog.

What were you doing an hour ago?
sitting in front of this pc, feeling horrible.

In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
neah.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
yeah

Are all of your friends virgins?
hmmmmm...

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
raskolnikoff. (go wikipedia him)

So you want to see somebody right now?
YES please

Would you rather sing or dance in front of 100,000 people?
can i lip-sync?

Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
depends. is the science more of biology/chemistry? is the math more of addmaths?

Are you a forgiving person?
i really dont know. it's not that i forgive, usually it's jz that i feel bad for holding a grudge or resenting people.

What are you listening to?
the fan.

Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring?
ew no

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
almost everything. because he's my boyfriend. ooh wait.. ada2. hahah tho lama tak chat due to some awkwardness :P

Are you short?
yes

Last people you rode in a car with?
imara

Are you nice to everyone?
i hv a feeling i am. & i dont like it.

Where was your default taken?
erhh.. since this is my blog, that pic on my profile is taken in kedah.

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone for over an hour?
*coughs* R.

Did you sleep alone last night?
nopes. was accompanied by my fishes :) (yes i know. i have 2 suckerfish & 1 guppy. so they're fishes, ok?)

Will you be up before seven am tomorrow?
definitely not.

Your number one tells you they're pregnant, you say?
HAHAHAHAHAH cause my #1 on myspace is my bro. well, he's been pregnant his whole adult life. hahahah

Do you think you can last in a relationships more than 6 months?
i hv been in this relationship for 4yrs +-

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
it better be

Do you consider yourself a study freak?
neahhh. i am a control freak when it comes to assignments, tho.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
ramai.

Ever gone camping?
ohhh camping, please!

What happened at 3:00pm today ?
was at yaya's house with layla shuha-shuha.

What are your weekend plans?
meeting up w wan i think

Where were you three hours ago?
otw back from maulana kot

Who was the last person you hugged?
layla shuha-shuha

Have you had anything alcoholic in the last 24 hours?
nopes

Are you wearing shoes right now?
nopes

When was the last time you saw a movie ?
semalam

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
yes. misters bellamy, howard & wolstenholme.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
YES.

we're not missing yet another one, ok?

the day has finally come. the day, or should i say night, where fai makes a statement that makes me re-evaluate my life. "that's why i like punk bands. no matter how big they get, ticket prices are always the same. it's up to you to get to the front of the stage" he said after i complained about how expensive big night out's going to be.

the first clear thought that crossed my mind was, "damn i miss the days when i was so into the used & nothing else, when worries such as going to their concert or being in love with the guys in the band never crossed my mind". they'll never come here, that i know for a fact. & until now, i don't really have a clear picture of their faces in my head. i don't know their names, i know almost nothing about them. except their songs.

damn i'm turning lame. i'm in love with matthew bellamy. i want to marry matthew bellamy. i have a secret crush on dominic howard. i want to go to their concert. i want to see them live. i'm so lame. i'm not a freaking concert person. wtf am i thinking?!

so am i going to waste rm400 (for tickets alone) just to stand crushed in a crowd, just to be one of their million fans? kalau dapat jumpa matthew bellamy face to face, spend some time getting to know him, or terus get married takpe jugak. but just to stand in a crowd? fuck no hilyah. stop this crap.

MUSE, YOU GUYS SUCK! for announcing yet another asian date that is not Malaysia. for demanding singapore indoor stadium, hence making ticket price wayyy expensive. for just being Muse, the mainstream band that everyone loves, including me.

saya mahu pergi sorok bawah comforter & never come out.

*breathes in, breathes out*

no it's no one's fault hilyah. you're just trying to keep his memory alive. you're dying to go to this singapore gig because it's a day after the 3rd anniversary.
i'll try my best. even if i die trying. i'll bring a piece of you with me.
imara, kubur jom please.

ramblings at 400km/h

tickets for big night out singapore is going on sale this monday (the 16th) & bloody hell i'm a nervous wreck. i mean, the previous one which was outdoors (at fort canning) was priced S$110. this upcoming one is at the indoor stadium, & they say it's going to cost more. so i'm expecting to pay like at least RM300. dammit! ptptn, where art thou?

pastu, lagi lah nervous because they haven't announced the full line up. i'm sure they are going to before tickets are sold, but still, i'm soooo nervous as it is ok?! not that it matters much, but i'd pay RM300 for Muse alone, not seeing Muse sekejap after enduring hours & hours of other kind of crap.

lagi satu yang paling tak boleh belah is it's going to be on a fricking WEDNESDAY. so, kalau tiba-tiba dapat lecturer tak boleh belah (or ada test ke, assignment punya submission ke) it's either bye bye Muse or bye bye 1 semester. (sanggup ke aku repeat 1 semester untuk Muse? aku rasa kalau dapat backstage passes ke, meet & greet ke, yes aku sanggup)

haih.. haih.. can i see the future please? or lagi senang, kasi je la aku ability to teleport. semua gig dia aku pergi. lagi best, teleport masuk changing room, slamber! :D

Pisau Cukur jenama Schick Ultra

semalam pergi tengok pisau cukur dengan imara, farid, yus & michi. sumpah filem melayu terbaik aku pernah tengok! most importantly, the language they used in the movie wasn't melayu baku yang menjelakkan. though orang mungkin akan jelak dengan character maya karin & especially fazura. tapi diorang sumpah lawak kot!

the movie was full of hidden jokes yang macam "wtf gila tak boleh belah kah kah kah gelak-sampai-sepak-kerusi-orang-depan-bertalu-talu". especially the scene yang datuk zak membelai briefcasenya dalam office dia. hadoiii~

not to mention aaron aziz (yang sebelum ni aku memang tak kenal, & rasa macam "amende la nama aaron aziz? cannot go okay") sangat hot dalam movie ni :P

oh my diane von furstenberg, movie ini perlu perlu tengok okay. ni kalau masuk astro box office memang aku ulang tengok berkali-kali. tiada langsung perasaan dimana aku telah membazirkan rm9 yang boleh digunakan untuk top up phone.

keep up the good work people!

something Tranquil.

i found this quote while randomly googling stuff.

"When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it." - Edward W. Howe

& the first thing that popped into my head was..

little miss bubble (the one with the yellow tail)

the view from my bed

supermassive thanks to imara for the fishies! I LOVE YOU!!! :D

thanks to mama for the plants & the suckerfish, & to yaya&hafetz for the aquarium :)

MUSE ARE COMING TO SINGAPORE FEBRUARY 3rd!!!!!!!!!! for the big night out event

I'D SOOOO SCREAM BLOODY MURDER IF I'M NOT CURRENTLY FEELING SO SUPER LOW.

PLUS IT'S 1.30a.m.

BUT FUCK IT! MAFFOO HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO SPEND ALL OF MY PTPTN MONEY (BOTH FROM THIS SEM & NEXT SEM).

I'M FREAKING GOING!

FMLi

i really did love you. sumpah, tak tipu, sayang.

you are my guiding light.

"when comfort & warmth can't be found i still reach for you.."

when i say that Muse brings me comfort & peace, i'm serious. no joke.

because today i woke up feeling like shit. plus totally de-energized (some caffeine-hangover effect). then i remembered the UD video being released on myspace. so i switched the PC on.

& guess what. dombie's approved my friend request. MADE MY FUCKING DAY. i'mma start spamming his profile now :D

still waiting for the music video to fully load. but anything that has my 3 favouritest guys will definitely be awesome.

Mr. Bellamy, Mr. Howard & Mr. Wolstenholme, i honestly owe you guys my life.

"..but i'm lost & crushed & cold & confused with no guiding light left inside."

relationship status: it's complicated fucked up.

it's fucked up when you say "i love you" & your partner of 6 years replies "ok" after a pause.

it's fucked up when instead of asking her what's wrong, you say "bye" like it's a normal way to end a telephone conversation.

it's fucked up when you failed to notice how that partner of yours have pulled away so much from you.

it's fucked up that you simply assume that it's Muse (or some other thing, i don't know what you're assuming) that's diverting her attention.

it's so fucked up that you just have no clue that something (other than Muse) IS going on.

& the most fucked up thing of all is when she asks you "if things were to fall apart, should we just let it be", you answer "it's up to you".




this could simply be hormones. or it could be the truth. all i know is i feel like crap.

fight for me, you idiot. FIGHT FOR ME!

or am i the one who's not getting the signs?

support system

through sunshine,

through rain.

through good days,

& through bad ones

through pretty days,

through not so pretty days.

& through the completely random ones.

you're right wan. we've been boring. we should snap more pictures. & pamper ourselves more. jom! that's what the holidays are for :D

aaa i love you babes so much!

freedom! (huh what, Dom's free? ohhh)

Done. With. Finaaaaaaaals! woot woot!

it's time for endless PMT hours.
endless PDT hours maybe? :P

UD music video released tomorrow.

0h! books to read!

& not forgetting kononnya nak cari kerja.
(but suddenly the thought of being glued in front of the pc reading/watching/listening to everything muse related sound sooooo appealing :P)

ahh sudah, sudah. jangan jadi macam emoticon kat myspace yang duduk dalam shell tu. haha :P
friends, save me.

tiada point apa-apa. cuma jari gatal mahu berlari atas papan kekunci ini.

i could blog about muse, but that's been over blogged about.

i could blog about exams, but i'll leave it till after my last paper.

i could blog about anything at all, but i just can't seem to think of anything.

except this.


"ye la tu.. tidak x jd gak kalau hati x b'kata.." he said.
goodnight! :)