Fidgets.

Now, excuse me while I blabber away.
My best friend is leaving for Sydney tonight & I'm due to leave in 3 days.
I have to get my mind off of my suitcase which is almost packed except for my husbands socks & underthings which he demands to choose himself.
You know what is the most difficult thing about being a housewife?
To me at least, it's justifying the amount of work I've done in a day.
Today I have cooked both for the adults & baby,
Did laundry (haven't folded though. Baby woke up waaaay earlier from her nap grrr),
& well not much else.
I could list the petty stuff like bathing baby, feeding her, doing the dishes but those are like common sense.
I feel pretty good doing nothing right now actually.
I've turned useless individual items, including raw chicken which is definitely not edible, into quite a delicious meal.
I call myself accomplished for the day.
& everyday for that matter!
To end this,
I am in no way feeling insecure about being a housewife,
& I proudly announce I've been cooking regularly these past few weeks so this is not a 'look I cooked today' post.
I'm just.. fidgety.
Sydney in 3 weeks.
Eek.

Thank you, John.

Who I Was in High School: https://youtu.be/CWSZxZK6v_c

He blows my mind.
As usual.

Game plan.

I just read two very powerful things back to back.
The first is a story of a vaginally birthed breech baby,
But what moved me was this one line she said about tandem nursing her two kids,
With the elder being only 22 months old, which is how old Hilwa will be at my due date.
I just suddenly realized I want that,
But there's no way in hell that'll be possible if I birth in selayang.
Unless, of course, if I manage to avoid gdm entirely this time,
& give birth reeeeally early in the morning with baby pooping immediately & no other problems,
Then they wouldn't keep me through the night hopefully.
Yes, that's the game plan.
& the other is Caroline's latest post on Oscar filling up her room with flowers,
Where she said everyone has that one person who teaches them how to be loved.
I know who mine is.
It took some wading through dangerous waters,
Which confirmed that they are just that,
Dangerous waters in my mind.
That's all.

Itching.

I think it's time to talk about what's really important in life.
Babywearing gears.
I finally sold the onya (my first ssc).
So now I'm left with the tula (which is magic for carrying Hilwa btw. I'm like halfway thru my pregnancy w a protruding bump but I swear I don't feel her weight).
& the fish wrap,
Which has already been washed, folded & kept in a Ziploc bag all proper for baby #2.
But of course I'm itching.
I've always wanted a nice wrap conversion ring sling.
But then I begin to think, maybe a nice newborn-friendly wrap would be more appropriate.
& then I'll go but what's newborn-friendly anyways?
The fish is silk blend, I don't think it gets any softer than that.
I've only ever tried 1 cotton pfau & found it kasar & too grippy for me,
But like I said it's the only comparison I have.
The only way, of course, is to ask on the fb forum.
But it means I have to speak in public!
*runs & hide*.
I'm in a weird mood, don't mind me.

The Sea

I'm still amazed by the powers of music.
The most powerful being the ability to transport you to a specific time in the past.
Delivering accurate feelings, thoughts, moods.
Malam ni terpanggil untuk dengar Corrine Bailey Rae's The Sea.
Music I used to listen to in the first few months of my first job.
The determination of getting married,
The uncertainty of it even happening,
But knowing for sure I want it in my future.
Knowing for sure it's ikhwan.
& then I understood why my heart called for this tonight.
Sebab despite pergi kerja mata panda pada 12 January 2012,
When ikhwan haven't even secured a job,
& we haven't even told his parents our plans,
I was already sure then.
I am definitely getting married in 2012.
Marriage needs some reminders sometimes.
I'm so glad I have music for that,
& Hilwa's kepala masam :)

Doula

My cat gave birth yesterday.
Again.
I've lost count how many times I've witnessed cat deliveries.
I've even assisted in one (she was the manja-est cat I ever had & was so restless so I actually sat beside her & rubbed her tummy. Actually felt the "loss of mass" & things shifting around when a kitten slid out of her. Best. Experience. Ever).
But after all this, I have never failed to be amazed by the fact that they do it all alone.
All by themselves.
At their own pace.
They don't need other cats guiding them & telling them what to do,
It all comes naturally to them.
& mind you, they deliver up to 6 kittens in one go.
Mine popped out 4 yesterday.
Yes it took her hours.
But whoever said twins (or more) have to be delivered within a few minutes?
During my last check up a lady at the next table was carrying twins,
& her nurse was briefing her on how they decide whether she will be delivering normally or through csec.
Every time the nurse mentioned "operate" she would draw in her breath & close her eyes.
I almost reached over to her to tell her to believe in herself, doa,
The power of mindset,
& ultimately the power of the Almighty.
Heck I would've given her a copy of hypnobirthing if I had one with me.
Remember the cats!
To them birthing two is kind of like a failure lol.
When my sister passed me the hypnobirthing book during my previous pregnancy,
She told me I'd be able to relate to the book more based on my fascination with cat births.
& true enough,
It was kind of like my guiding light,
The book helped me put things into perspective.
Females are made to bear children,
To give birth.
So why would Allah make humans any less capable than animals?
Thank you, Batman (yes, my female cat's name is Batman),
For reminding me to just let nature do its job.
By the way, she's already out & about today,
Totally healthy.
& that's another topic I always find ridiculous.
Pantang.
But that's for another day I guess.

Such is life.

What is married life?
It's when you're so desperate for a tissue to wipe your own snot off your hands,
That you are fine with accepting a used tissue from your husband who just finished blowing his own nose.
& let me assure you, the tissue was damp.