scraps of emotion

if this is pms, then it sure is the longest most emotional one.


why is it when i feel like talking about real stuff, there is no one there to talk to?


but when there is someone to talk to, i just can't put it into words. all this weird thoughts & emotions, it feels so tangible yet i can't put it into words.


i hate how "on my own" makes me feel. because it true. it's spot on.


when you bring me comfort, but pain at the same time, that's when i don't know anymore.


horoscope for today:
"you need to do whatever you can to keep your mind focused - things are pretty crazy right now but if you can just take a deep breath and take care of one thing at a time it should all be just fine"

hmm.. i wonder..

aku sebenarnya mahukan itu. yang itu. yang specific tu.

jadi cubalah macam mana pun, assignment malam ni confirm hampeh.

sebab otak ke lain. ke laut!

fuck facebook.
sebab the worst feeling in the world is regret. lagi-lagi bila terjadi moment "rub it in"

post ke-100 yang emosi.

hari ni muzik yang masuk menusuk ke dalam lubuk hati aku tu sangat menyakitkan. pedih! sampai nak nangis! sumpah tak tipu.



dunia dah nak kiamat. percaya tak? kalau dulu aku depressed kena stay kat perak hujung minggu sebab ada LDK. tapi sekarang aku depressed sebab hujung minggu tak boleh PERGI KE PERAK sebab ada LDK.



gah!

why don't you just admit that you don't honestly want me that bad?

i know i was talking about matt bellamy the other night, but when i said i hate being second to anything, it means i hate being second to anything. be it his music, or your obsession with football & your friends.

are you like, gay or something? 'cause if you are, just tell me. i'll be cool with it ok? plenty of fish in the sea. & i'm kinda like pretty eager to look for a guy who really wants me.

like, guys who actually made the effort to check which group i'm in this saturday hoping i'm in his group too? yeah. like that. & more.

FUCK YOU MAN.

"i'm outside"

yeah. about an hour late.

FUCK YOU AGAIN.

somehow this feels important

because we can only love them so much, but God loves them more.

Chino
ermm, bila eh? - 080809

farewell, my favorite non-human pianist.
now, i will really freak out when imara's piano plays itself in the middle of the night.
play nice in heaven!
i know you're just curious, but Kenit might have told you you can be a bit overexcited at times :P
but i love you just the same :)

sekali lagi aku rasa sangat berterima kasih dengan memory capacity serta qualitynya yang Tuhan kurniakan kat aku ni. eventhough it happens over & over again, & pretty often, the realization hits me hard. & in that moment of clarity & oh-so-rindu but rindu terubat at the same time, the strongest emotion that i can sense is graditute. for everything i have, & everything i lost, & everything that is now.

bila rindu.
aku cuma perlu gambarkan, bayangkan, visualize.
& aku nampak kamu.
jelas.
detailed.
almost solid & nyata.
& i keep telling myself, i remember you so well still.
so so well.
because of that, everything makes sense.


malam ni, all it takes was the sentence "cuba teka siapa pernah buat?".

they will not force us
they will stop degrading us
they will not control us
we will be victorious.

now that's what i call music that makes complete sense.
hell yeah!

ok i need to stop posting about muse/matthew. too obsessed is so not cool.

your fingers can do wonders

penat lah dengan orang-orang yang bergaduh kat semua tempat yang boleh bergaduh pasal muse. influenced by sapa-sapa entah lah. songs too mainstreams lah. crappy lyrics lah. sudah sudah!

i think the main reason why i like muse so much is because matthew's fucking hot & i want to marry him (seriously) & have his babies. ini bukan "i think" dah. I KNOW FOR A FACT that's why i love muse so much.

oh dan juga sebab music diorang masuk menusuk lubuk jauh dalam hati aku tu. gives me shivers. yes, to me, it's that good.

sekian.

i shall stay loyal to my modulator

dah naik pekak dengar radio since 1600hrs tadi. its been.. 5 hours & 42 minutes? of nothing! i just want that feeling, that jolt of hearing your favourite band's name being announced on air. or better still, have their song played unexpectedly.

argh pindah oversea lah macam ni! billy talent is like successful gila in canada. & muse is big everywhere else. just not malaysia. malaysia is all about stupid sexy bimbos and niggas who want to fuck on the dance floor.

aku officially give up on local radio stations. GIVE UP!