Borrowed.

& on this matter,
I shall borrow the words of an acquaintance.
Fithri Natasha's Journeys and Destinations
Nuff said.

Merajuk.

I can't remember (& am too lazy to check) whether I blogged or tweeted about relating my life to my love for certain bands.
But whatever it is, it's still going on.
I remember back in those days,
masa aku belum cukup matang,
& juggling guys just because I could
(oh admit it, infidelity is fun okay)
The part where you are so sick of your actual boyfriend,
& everything he does annoys you,
& you just refuse, REFUSE to let yourself feel anything for him
because you're convinced that this new guy you're flirting with (& is flirting with you) has got it all.
When you spend time with your current boyfriend,
but jokes the new guy cracked flashes across your mind,
& you have to hide a smile,
it's a beautiful feeling, hiding your own secret,
but at the same time feeling as if you're about to burst with happiness.
What does this have to do with anything?
Especially just 8 weeks before my wedding?
Honestly, nothing.




Ok aku merajuk sebenarnya.
I might be taking this whole 'The 2nd Law' thing too personally.
I gave the album 1 listen.
One. Listen.
Uno.
& I just can't.
I can't bring myself to listen to it again.
I can't bring myself to read Tom's tweets (coz he's the only one who actively tweets).
I can't even bring myself to see the new rehearsals/concert photos on facebook
(& Matt looks fabulous in one of it but I just can't)
Everything Muse just makes my skin crawl right now.
I feel like an irritated girlfriend who threw a tantrum but isn't getting pujuk-ed by the boyfriend.
So I'm just hating,
coz that's the only thing left that I have control over.

I guess I'm in the process of discovering my music side, if that even makes sense.
Or discovering myself through music.
I can't say The Used and Billy Talent has been flawless all this while,
oh no,
the difference between Billy Talent III and Dead Silence is staaaaarrrkkk.
It's almost like listening to Newton Abbot then straight away jumping to The Resistance.
Or something.
But I guess back then I was forgiving,
or loyal,
or just naive.
If it's a new album from The Used or Billy Talent,
bring it on.
Yes, I took quite a while to start listening to Vulnerable,
but it's a staple in my car now.
But Muse..
I didn't have to try to love Muse.
I know I've only been their fan, what, 5 years?
& even that, incidentally.
But I've never, ever had to try.
I put on their shit any time of day, any time of month,
my soul flows with it.
It resonates within me, & we're getting dramatic here.
But The 2nd Law?
I dunno, maybe it does.. just not yet.
I want to be able to say I refuse to, for now.
But truth is, I just can't.

Billy Talent, on the other hand.
Oh ho hooo..
They're the smile I'm hiding,
the happiness threatening to burst out.
But just like any lover you can have in your life,
you will always, always find even the tiniest thing that irks you.
I know I'll be crawling back to Dombie in no time.
Coz as much as you look yummy my dear Aaron,
your drums ain't the beat to my heart.



& this is why I equate bands to my love life.

Bergolak.

Queeny is getting married tomorrow.
I don't think I need to exactly explain how she & I are connected,
but it feels really close to the heart.
One might say I'm overreacting,
but gaddamnit I'm nervous as hell tonight.
Marriage is such a big responsibility.
I can't even begin to brain it.
& here I am, less than two months away.
I've been getting dreams these few weeks,
of waking up on my wedding day & realizing I have simply skipped all the time between now & then
& everything was left hanging as it is.
Which means my bajus aren't ready,
my bouquet unmade,
my hands inai-less,
& my accessories.. well, there aren't any accessories.
As if I'm not stressed out enough.
& tonight I'm nervous as hell,
thinking that tomorrow morning someone I know,
Queeny,
is going to be a wife.
Something I'm going to be in merely two months,
regardless of whether I'm prepared or not.
Well, to be honest, there's some excitement there too.

Daftness.

I'm still fuming over this.
So the fiance finally got the surat pengesahan status bujang thing from his company.
& i still find this requirement stupid,
Because a) guys can have 4 wives
b) shouldn't the jabatan pendaftaran negara have his records?
c) it probably makes sense to have the girl's status checked instead
And d) as if employers know that much about their staff.
Honestly, if you really want to know, get his best friend to angkat sumpah or something.
But hey, just saying.
So his application was finally complete & he went to get the approval of the jurunikah/imam of his kariah.
That fool commented on the fact that his letter was in English.
He went as far as saying if it were up to him, he'd reject the bloody application.
Like, excuse my French, what the fuck?
Kau tak paham English kau ngaku je la.
We are trying to do good here.
Kalau aku nk buat dosa, senang sgt.
Nak beranak luar nikah, anytime boleh.
But we're choosing to get effing married here.
& you idiots go to such trouble just to complicate the whole process.
Hukum ckp apa?
Pengantin lelaki, pengantin perempuan, wali, saksi, lafaz ijab & qabul.
Tuhan tak mintak pun surat pengesahan status bujang dlm bahasa melayu.
& kalau nak Islam sgt, awat tak mintak bahasa Arab je?
& getting back to the whole English thing,
What if the guy is a saudara baru?
What if he can't speak Malay for nuts?
Or anyone for that matter.
It's so embarrassing that a ketua agama in Malaysia has such a closed mind,
When Islam is not supposed to be restricted by race or language.
You're supposed to be attracting ppl to the religion,
Making life easier for the Muslims under your care.
You preach about how all men is a khalifah,
But you can't even be graceful to a person who wants to get married,
Which, by the way, is one of the most blessed thing by Allah.
It just irked me so much that something so petty as language became an issue.
& we all wonder why zina is so widespread & babies are discarded everyday.
If i wasn't raised right, i wouldn't go through all this stupid trouble.
In the end, its not like these fools, the ppl who are supposed to care about stopping sin, really care at all.
Like they say, kubur masing2.
Nauzubillah.

One step closer.

I wish I had written this post before Ikhwan finished work,
sebab as per the usual law of dugaan darah manis,
bila cakap dengan dia je mesti down.
For tonight, it's the whole issue of surat pengesahan status bujang from his company.
Nama je company besar tapi lembab buat kerja.
Aku pantang betul.
& seriously, surat pengesahan status bujang from a majikan?
As it they know their employees that well.
But I won't let this come in the way of me being in a good mood tonight.
Even though aku rasa sangat nervous nak rasa excited lebih-lebih ni,
for fear of jinxing it & something going wrong,
tapi aku nak share.
Because what I've learnt the most through this process of planning a wedding,
is that you only learn the proper way of how to do it after you do it.
So just now I went to meet the jurunikah of Masjid At-Taqwa.
Ustaz Zaki namanya.
Duduk dekat belakang sekolah,
Abah was obsessed with the fact that his house has a huge lawn,
& ada pokok manggis & rambutan.
Dalam gelap2 malam tu diorang boleh berborak pasal buah rambutan banyak,
satu haram pun aku tak nampak.
I got lucky calling Ustaz Zaki,
because he picked up on my first try.
Ikhwan, on the other hand, has been trying since semalam tak dapat-dapat.
Dia terus suruh datang rumah lepas Isya'.
Gelabah jugak la aku sebab borang tak isi lagi,
benda yang nak kena photostat pun tak photostat lagi.
Then lepas Maghrib and makan kenyang2, aku tanya abah apa plan.
Abah kata tunggu Uncle Kamarol roger.
Amboih. I felt like such a brat.
Nak pi jumpa jurunikah pun nak bawak cable besar.
Honestly I've wanted to contact Uncle Kamarol from day one,
tapi I seriously didn't want to feel like a brat,
tak mampu buat kerja sendiri, semua nak depend kat orang.
Uncle Kamarol turned out to be a blessing in disguise,
sebab dia yang jaga bab masjid sekarang.
Basically if you want to nikah at the masjid,
you don't only have to book the kadi,
you have to book the masjid as well.
Tak terpikir pulak aku.
So, Insyallah, since Uncle Kamarol yang jaga masjid, tu cowtim.
Ustaz Zaki pulak, dengan secara sipinya, dah ada hal petang sabtu.
& aku nampak dengan mata kepala aku dia tulis nama aku dalam planner dia untuk 15 Disember.
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, kau dah permudahkan urusanku sampai sini,
permudahkanlah ia sampai selesai semuanya.
Amin, amin, amin.
It then occured to me that I have confirmed the date I'm getting married.
I was sitting in front of the man who is going to help form the link between me & Ikhwan.
It was surreal.
Anyways, the visit to the jurunikah is basically to have him review our application & documents,
so that bila sampai jabatan agama nanti, takde la kena patah balik 2, 3 kali sebab permohonan tak lengkap.
& as of May 2012, they have revised the checklist (for KL la, negeri lain aku tak tau),
now you need to bring 2 copies of your IC & wali's IC (untuk lelaki, your IC je la).
Everything else sama je.
& regardless of whether both lelaki & perempuan dalam KL ke, lelaki luar KL ke,
he will have to get his pengesahan from the jurunikah of his kawasan first before the girl can get hers.
So make sure your man does his work, ladies!
I guess that's all.
Sebagai kata akhir,
omg kucing Ustaz Zaki comel nak mampos ok!
Dahlah domok!
Pastu emo orang main perut dia, nak cakar2 lak.
Aku pijak kang jadi carpet!
Grrrrr

Of powerful songs.

I rarely post lyrics here,
especially the lyrics to full songs,
because I find it annoying when people post lyrics and expect other people to read it & get it.
For starters, lyrics are empty without the melody,
without the vocalist emphasizing on certain words.
But this,
this I gotta post.
Because the words alone are so powerful.
This is Billy Talent for you,
my current love, my obsession.
Cure for the Enemy.


Time drifts through the sky 
Without a reason why 
We walk past the flowers 
Don't stop for a breath 
Until they're above our heads 

We used to fight 
Have we made amends? 
Father I just can't tell 
Watching you spent the time you have left 
Trapped in a cold blue bed 

In darkness we'll rest 
Count the days down to one last breath 
In darkness we'll rest 
So forgive what you can't forget 

We said that we would call 
But we never spoke at all 
The years drifted by 
We've built up these walls 
For reasons that seem so small 
If this is the end, let's bury the past 
This might be our one last chance 
Together until the last grain of sand 
Has dropped from the hourglass 

So open your eyes 
Open your eyes and don't forget to breathe
If we lose the fight 
If we lose the fight your spirit will live through me 
It's time we make right 
It's time we make right the pages of history 
Until we find 
Until we find a cure for the enemy 
All those you've loved 
All those who've died 
All we have left is what lives in our minds 
All those you've loved 
All those who've died 
I know their spirits are up in the sky 

All those you've loved 
All those who've died 
All we have left is what lives in our minds 
All those you've loved 
All those who've died 
I know their spirits are up in the sky 

So open your eyes 
Open your eyes and don't forget to breath
If we lose the fight 
If we lose the fight your spirit will live through me 
It's time we make right 
It's time we make right the pages of history 
Until we find 
Until we find a cure for the enemy 

In darkness we'll rest 
Count the days down to one last breath 
In darkness we'll rest 
So forgive what you can't forget 

(In darkness we'll rest) 
All those you've loved 
(Count the days down to one last breath) 
All those who've died 
All we have left is what lives in our minds 
(In darkness we'll rest) 
All those you've loved 
(So forgive what you can't forget) 
All those who've died 
I know their spirits are up in the sky 

In darkness we'll rest

& when you hear the actual song,

*brain explodes*