*insert feelings (Roadside, etc)*

Though, the fact that i go home & instinctively look for u trumps everything else.

But then again..
As long as nothing is final,
There's still room for choices,
For which suits best.
After all,
We are supposed to live for our own selves.

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Off The Pill - Feminist

good job, Ryan! :)

unthinkingly during Bliss

currently watching videos from leeds on youtube.

well, not anymore since i'm typing this,

so it's currently listening to the music from the video.

whatever.

i'm torn.

watching hurts,

not watching hurts,

listening hurts too actually because you can never just listen to muse play live.

it truly is a visual experience.

no, it must be a live, in-the-moment experience actually,

but since musers all around the world are kind enough to share their hd videos on youtube with us less fortunate ones,

it has to be reduced to just a visual experience.

but whatever, again.

i'm just typing anything that crosses my mind,

because in the last how many minutes that i've been watching (or listening),

i've gotten so much realizations,

& too fast that i can't even remember it anymore,

especially with them playing bliss right now.

but yes,

whatever realizations it was,

(now i remember.. i was watching dom play in his ridiculous white-with-funny-black-stripey-things sleeveless, & chris being such a wolstenbeast)

it just made me feel so much more proud being the pwoper muser i am,

as defined in the reblogged tumblr post,

& how right it all feels,

how intimate.

yes,

it's that feeling all over again,

watching a video of them play,

& feeling a connection so deep you feel you want to rush to wherever they are & tell them what a wonderful friend they've been,

or something like that.

this is why nothing can ever compete with these guys,

the amount of things they share with us fans,

the intimacy,

the unity,

it makes them great.

& that's probably about one hundredth of the things that goes through my head whenever i listen to muse :)

August 25th

of these

& this

& these

it wasn't easy,

but we've made it this far, haven't we?

this far, & counting

Seharian bermain, bergembira dekat office,
macamlah office bapak sendiri.
Buka puasa ditemani makanan awesome,
Serta lagu-lagu menepati tema.
Seterusnya ah hong,
& cousin, iPhonenya juga 9gag.
Gelak sampai semput,
& ada juga yang sampai sakit perut,
Entah sampai pukul berapa.
Sekarang mata pinar-pinar,
Tapi masih menaip.
Macam nak tidur sampai sabtu,
Sebab nanti dekat office aku solo.
Jangan tidur tersandar dekat common seal sudah.
Yang penting,
Setahun sudah berlalu.
Jaga diri, jangan curang, simpan telefon dekat dengan hati.
Almaklum, separuh yang sini tak biasa berjauhan.

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the Wolstenbeast & his Wolstenarmy.

shiiiiiiiiiiiitz!

omg i really wish i can say shit in a lot of languages,

because this is the shit of all lives.

I. ACTUALLY. IGNORED. THE BBC6 INTERVIEW.

only to fucking find out chris announced the awesome news on it.

gawd.

that'll teach you about ignoring anything Muse-related, Hilyah.

just because matt isn't involved.

sheesh.

aaaanyways,

the guys should really go into the studio now.

better catch up with chris & kelly & whole one baby per album thing.

awww so excited!

12 weeks to go

well, 11 weeks kalau tolak cuti raya.

i've held back from talking about the persatuan bangsa-bangsa bersatu for 8 weeks now,

sebab taknak jinx it.

& honestly i'm nervous as hell right now,

tapi sebab pasal kerja aku memang taknak cerita,

jadi what the hell.

i'm only going to say this,

this internship experience,

walaupun baru sampai takat ni,

dah buat aku cuak nak mampus nak kerja betul-betul nanti.

why?

because the only (& i mean ONLY) reason why i actually wake up every morning,

is knowing there's people worthy of meeting at work.

lepas ni kalau pergi kerja tempat hambar,

orang hambar,

aku rasa memang cepat aku resign.

aaanyways,

disebabkan kerja takes up a good 90% of my time

(i feel so sebab balik rumah pun jumpa colleague, iaitu encik ikhwan)

(serta majlis-majlis berbuka yang makin banyak melibatkan orang-orang office)

process shopping raya dah ter-influence dengan shopping work clothes.

sedih doh.

tengok baju comel warna-warni, bunga-bunga dah tak register dalam otak.

yang nampak semua blouse-blouse, kemeja-kemeja, lepas tu malas nak beli sebab malas nak iron.

nooooooo

nak baju baru untuk dating!

wajib baca.

tentang hijab by Maria Elena Zarul

yes.

HELL YES.

even though belum pernah lagi orang nak directly condemn aku pasal taknak jaga aurat,

but kalau ada yang tersorok tu,

this post explains exactly that.

& more.

lagi-lagi dengan status "in a relationship" aku ni,

instead of "dah selamat diijabkabul".

aku taknak kehulu kehilir dengan tudung dikepala,

& boyfriend dalam genggaman tangan,

if you get what i mean.

takpe.

insyallah setahun je lagi.

lepas tu aku nak pakai makeup bobby brown dalam bilik tidur

;)

it's a tradeoff between feeling,

& all it's consequences.

or being numb,

& missing out.

i once thought this is exactly how i'd want to be,

undisturbed,

at peace,

& calm.

but now that i am,

now that i am undisturbed,

i actually feel guilty.

& i know i would make all sorts of promises right now,

only to break it tomorrow,

because deep down inside i know this is better for me

& i never want to go back to all that.

i just have to be firm & soldier on.

you know what,

hell yes this is for the best.

god.

best realization ever.

alhamdulillah.

alfatihah

of time

we have 13 weeks to go.

it's actually only been 7 weeks.

honestly, it feels much longer.

other than kononnya list advisor dah keluar tapi untuk bm222 tak ada,

i don't have anything to talk about with regards to internship.

bukan apa,

malas.

it's not like i'm saving the world or something.

jadi bibik tolong kemas bilik kak aishah lagi ada.

uh huh,

no shit.

kalau ikut kalendar hijrah,

tomorrow marks 1 year.

tapi celebration cuma akan dibuat mengikut kalendar kafir,

because i'm ocd like that.

dan kalau by then dah tak ada duit nak berdinner, bertukar-tukar hadiah bagai,

i suppose reenacting the events of the night would be fun.

hee.

biarlah aku lame ke apa.

this is a big deal for me,

for i have my reasons.

"let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing"

-Three Men in a Boat (to Say Nothing of the Dog);

Jerome K. Jerome

found the paper i wrote this quote on (in eyeliner, mind you, highly smeared) while tidying the room. i want to read this book again!

on the topic of tidying the room,

i love the fact that my room looks decent now,

& orange!

:D

you know what the best part is?

it's the fact that i can't remember shit what we talked about anymore.

i just know things are alright.

i love you girls :D

"i turned out liking you a lot more than i originally planned."

this simple, shallow-sounding sentence actually sparked a lot of feeling.

such like those i felt a few days ago when your sheepish smile & awkward wave flashed across my mind.

21 days to go.

yes,

this simple, shallow-sounding sentence holds the whole truth & nothing but the truth.

& i am beyond glad.

*quote from tumblr.

16 weeks to go

i'm really getting bad at this "countdown to freeeedomhh" thing.

i totally forgot my 16 weeks to go post.

(it is 16 weeks to go right?)

things are okay at work now.

there's rhythm.

there's work (most importantly).

there's allies.

there's office politics,

& the best of all, there's gossips.

huhuu i just hope things will remain the same for the next 3 & a half months,

& that we don't run out of work to do (macam friday lepas sampai sanggup berkampung dalam file room buat minutes book).

on to a topic that is bugging me though i don't entirely understand why,

the KFCM-Elia couple have broken up.

i don't know why out of all the malaysian celebrity couple,

i chose to really like them.

maybe because she's a blogger, & he's good at what he does.

or maybe because she writes what we readers love to read.

but whatever,

i find it really, really sad.

& ramadhan is here.

i spent the whole of today just going in & out of ramadhan feel.

sometimes i get so numb that i feel like it's just another normal day at work,

but then i get so sucked in that i'm at risk of bawling in front of the computer.

i don't know whether it's because i'm relieved to not feel anymore,

to not have my dreams plagued,

& my days haunted,

but at the same time i'm heartbroken that i am unable to feel as freely as i used to.

i miss him god knows i do.

even when i can't feel it.

maybe because the feeling of missing him is ingrained in me

that i can no longer physically feel it anymore.