Literacy.

I guess it's time to indulge in some self-doubt.
What have I been up to tonight?
Switching between reading Looking For Alaska & watching vlogbrothers videos.
I'd read more now but I just came across something I want to share with Ikhwan & I kinda ran out of bookmarks to mark it,
Seeing that I'm currently halfways through 3 different books.
4 actually, to be really honest.
(I should buy post its. Do I have post its? I should check first before I buy post its).
Given the right book,
I can read quite fast.
I have no doubt I could finish Alaska in one sitting if I didn't stop for videos & blogging.
But 'right books' have come to be rather mindless, unintelligent books.
Books for teens.
Books about love or boarding school or wizards at boarding school or vampires.
Though I'm not saying harry potter is unintelligent, it is the most amazing thing ever.
& by vampire I mean Darren shan, not the twilight rubbish.
I did read 1 though, but it was too stupid I couldn't.
& I know I blogged once about wanting to acquire some knowledge so I don't end up an air headed housewife,
But reading smart things are so tiring.
Not to mention I sometimes just simply don't understand what's going on.
Like the economist for example.
What.. what?
I can literally read a whole page & not take on anything.
I can handle medium sized words John green likes to use in his books,
But truly big ones?
That is really being pretentious.
How do you expect to educate stupid people when they can't even understand what you're saying?
Ok I'm just rambling,
& suddenly hating on the economist.
Where did that come from?
I'm just hungry.
I don't know when my husband will be back,
& I can't continue to read this book because I'm out of bookmarks.
It's a valid problem I tell you.
Oh anyways,
The whole self-doubt thing I mentioned at the start was just to imply that I'm disappointed in myself because I feel like I'm slowly turning dumb.
I know I'm actually really smart, pfft.

What's (not) in my diaper bag.

Been binging on 'what's in my diaper bag' videos on YouTube tonight.
I juuuust bought a diaper bag,
An official one as opposed to the oversized but unfortunately unspacious handbag I've been using,
& after transferring & organising everything, it feels really empty.
& light.
So my itchy fingers went & searched what other people keep in their diaper bags to see if I missed out on anything.
(Which is really unnecessary coz I go out with Hilwa at least twice a week & I hardly need that many things I dunno I guess she is an easy baby alhamdulillah).
First impression:
Wow these american mommies are such victims of capitalism!
They carry an average of 3 different wipes like a boogie wipe & a pacifier wipe & normal nappy wipes & even hand & face sanitising wipes,
On top of carrying like bottles of hand sanitiser.
Like I kid u not, most of them have at least 2 bottles of hand sanitiser for god knows what reason.
At one point I thought yeah ok maybe it's time I warm up to hand sanitisers but nahh..
We have running water everywhere don't we?
What I do need to carry though is a good hand cream coz my skin's been acting up again but gahh so lazy.
Then they all have this cute little egg like thing that clips onto the bag which dispenses plastic bags,
Which I couldn't decide if it was awesome or not,
Coz it's bad enough that we're using disposable diapers, now we're wrapping them in individual plastic bags in order to dispose them into a bigger plastic bag?
Yeap that don't make sense to a nature lover like me,
(Which reminds me someone on my IG spoke about her cloth diapers the other day & mentioned she uses them for her baby between birth to 6 months during which poo don't smell so bad coz they're fully breastfed & I almost kicked myself like why didn't I think of that? Thats like THE age when you use the most diapers & I actually had cloth diapers gifted to me now they're just sitting in the drawer, so I guess I need to get me a new baby huh?)
Moving on, I was actually surprised to find that none of these people brought umbrellas,
Coz I used to always have umbrella in my bag but then I either lost it or broke it & never replaced it,
Then I started to wear tudung & rain don't really bother me anymore,
& I'll just put Hilwa in her carrier which has the hood, or tuck her under my tudung for the brief run to the car so I guess I don't need that.
Toys,
I'm torn between wanting to carry them but knowing she's not the playing with toys kind,
More of the throw it on the floor & have mama pick it up so she can repeat kind.
Plus she's in the upin ipin phase (gosh baby, I thought you were special, different T.T) so there's my phone for that.
Medicine,
I noticed a lot of them carry meds, especially when their babies are teething,
Mine, unfortunately, hasn't yet,
& I really, really hope her teething goes smoothly.
I'm like so used to see her all gums I'm actually really nervous to see her teeth come out now.
I love my baby all gums T.T
Snacks,
Well this bird of mine rarely eats anything anyways sigh.
Maybe snacks for me though?
Hmm excellent idea.
But lastly,
What reeeeeally caught my attention & peaked my interest is the organisation part of the process.
These moms lives & breathes tiny bags.
They have a pouch for meds & a pouch for snacks & an even smaller pouch for makeup & a bag for clothes & a strap to hold diapers together,
& these freaking things match.
Some even mention 'custom'.
& I'm like gosh I should get pouches for I dunno, the single spare nappy I carry around coz, you know, it's kinda unhygienic for it to be just sitting in the bag?
You know what,
Baby's a lucrative business I tell you.
I better learn how to sew,
Or something.

Babywearing cont.

We're currently in JB.
It's supposedly a bachelor weekend as one of hub's friend is getting married soon.
But then one of the guys couldn't leave his wife alone at home (literally alone, they leave somewhere unfavourable for a lady to be alone),
Next thing you know there's two other wives & babies in tow.
It's been good so far,
Other than the fact that both Ikhwan & I haven't had proper sleep this week so we're beat & it's only 8.30pm.
Anyways, we hung out around Puteri Harbour just now.
We unanimously decided to leave the stroller at home (mainly coz we're carpooling & need the extra space for luggage)
So this is pretty much our first official outing with the onya.
I stepped out of the car & started prepping to babywear when Ikhwan insisted he'd wear instead.
& this time I know it's not the "ure torturing ur wife" guilt.
This time I know he's beginning to enjoy babywearing.
& I kinda resented him for it coz I wanted to babywear Hilwa in MY onya (lol).
But yes.
I'm glad I went for the plain, super awesome SSC as compared to the pretty, flowery ones,
& I'm especially glad I did not go the wrap way coz I know my husband & there's no chance in hell he'd wrap a pretty little woven thing around his body.
So who said SSC was a burden, a form of torture, an inconvenience?
What? I can't hear you.
:D

One year.

So Hilwa turned one year old yesterday.
How do I even begin to compress 365 days into one post?
I could talk all over again about my labour.
Oh I love talking about my labour lol.
But nahh, I've blogged about that.
I could talk about the quiet hours when I had her all to myself that day & night before I was discharged from the hospital.
I still regret not taking a gazillion pictures of her & of us together in the hospital.
Believe me or not, I miss that corner bed with the view.
I could talk about the first few days, weeks, months.
But I honestly don't remember much anymore.
She would sleep for hours & stay awake as she please.
I can't exactly recall sleepless nights,
Except for that one night she refused to sleep on her back & kept us awake til morning,
& my sister advised me to put her on her tummy but I was scared she was too small she'd fall asleep on her face & suffocate to death.
But she didn't,
It was 8 am & I was exhausted & I just flipped her over & fell dead asleep for 2 hours maybe.
Woke up frantic not knowing what the time was & where she is,
To find her fast asleep as well,
& if I remember correctly, that was when she started sleeping through.
I wouldn't be able to point exactly how easy or how difficult she was though.
Here is a child who could sleep 12 hours through the night,
But who wanted me beside her at all times for frequent mid-sleep feeds,
& refuses the pacifier flat out despite loving to suckle (even until now. I am currently typing sideways because she refuses to let go of me -_-")
Who would wake up the instant I get off the bed in hopes of starting my chores earlier & without distractions.
Here is a girl who could sit & play on her own on most days,
But refuses to be placed in the walker for her own mobility to be near me while I cook or work at the PC.
She also refuses to sit in the stroller,
But I guess that comes from me wearing her since she was 2 months old.
Thank god she finally warmed up to the high chair,
Though now she is big enough to actually climb out of it mid meal,
With my hands all smeared with food so that I struggle to lower down.
She loves plain water,
When I remember my sister used to have to force her kids to drink,
But could never finish a decent bowl of food,
Whatever that may be.
She could be gobbling down her nestum one day & spitting out entire mouthfuls the next,
& the same goes for the standard porridge or rice with chicken/fish/eggs, fruits, breads/pastries, pastas & anything & everything I feed her.
Regardless, she continues to shoot upwards, causing her to be underweight on her BMI graph.
That could also be due to the fact that she absolutely can't be still when she's awake.
Crawling & climbing & scaling the furniture.
I have actually lost count of the number of times she fell off the bed.
Seriously, im not kidding, I stopped at 10.
(Sorry Hilwa but do know you are impossibly buas!).
But here is a girl who is all smiles & laughter & even kisses (though sometimes she can't help but gag after the kiss lol),
Who can now distinguish between tepuk amai-amai, twinkle twinkle little star & wa bulan,
Who can say nak & tak (though sometimes her understanding of the words is rather questionable lol),
Who could walk if she wanted to but is choosing to take her time (which is sad cause mama was really hoping you'd walk before 1 #asianparent #pressure)
& well, who has simply grown so beautifully, & maybe a little too fast.
I cannot talk about her without sounding obsessive,
Proud,
& I definitely can't stop even if my life depended on it.
Not only due to the fact that I gave birth to her,
But also because she in turn gave me the privilege of being a mum.
Happy first baby girl!

Rants.

Hurgh banyak isu yang nak diperkatakan.
(& you know once I start typing in Malay that I'm not trying to sound smart or deep, I just need to rant).
Let's start with Hilwa's birthday celebration.
Omg we just celebrated her first birthday yesterday,
3 days in advanced & thank god we did coz this weekend semua orang takde pulak.
It was impromptu.
Discuss dengan mama & papa over the fon je through out this week & they agreed to have it at their home,
& mama, abah, Yaya & family was kind enough to come.
Dari menu mee goreng (mama in law's), cucur udang (mama's) & cream puff (yaya's),
Tambah jadi pulut durian (also mama), apple strudel (ngoh bawak balik from Perth), egg tarts (kimi beli), keropok & god knows what else.
Oh & a simple oreo cheesecake that we bought from cake sense.
It was simple & intimate but I really love it when both families meet.
Thank you so much to mama&papa, mama&abah, mok btr, yaya&apis, fai, ngoh, kimi, azizah (eherms kenduri tahun depan perhaps?), anis, layla, ilhan & ayra for being there.
I'm contemplating documenting this by emailing pictures to Hilwa's account but I have a feeling lagi 17 tahun when I actually pass it to her aku je yang emosi lebih.
#tibah.
Ok on to the next issue,
Which is babywearing.
(Which now seem rather puny after reliving the above tapi aku nak tulis jugak).
Ever since I joined the MBW group in fb I've been checking it daily,
Reading about people's experiences & thoughts & opinion which all aligns with my own beliefs,
To the point where I kinda thought I'm living in a world where babywearing is a norm & is considered the best thing a mother could have.
But no, in this world babywearing is hardly a norm.
In my own family for example,
They don't go to the point of putting the idea down,
But they don't see the point of spending money to buy contraptions that allow you to have a baby tied to you especially when they can walk on their own.
& these contraptions don't come cheap so I get it.
But when I was directly assaulted with people putting my husband down for "allowing" me to carry my own child as if its a torture,
As if I did not carry her anyways for 9 months in my stomach which I must stress is way worse than having her strapped to me at least she's not crushing my pelvis,
I didn't expect to react so defensively.
Seriously I didn't know how to be anything else other than defensive yesterday.
It is my choice to carry my child this way,
& I can tell she loves it too.
Keep your opinions to yourself.
(Believe me I've had my share of opinions against you too but I never shoved it in your face, or worse your husband's).
Ok with that done,
Imma touch on 'bicara bts' for this week.
I'd rather not write it down because its not so much a lesson, but more of a realisation to me.
& I'll say this much,
I cannot express how thankful I am to Allah for placing me in this family,
Where I can actually sit alone with my FIL & have a decent conversation without feeling awkward or at a loss for words (that has always been my fear when I used to imagine situations concerning in laws).
& what papa told me actually brought tears to my eyes I was actually furiously blinking them back & cracking lame jokes just to distract myself.
Lol.

Bicara BTS #1

I have been lucky enough to find my way into a family who sits around discussing ilmu basically daily.
From papa, to the two elder brothers, & even to my husband,
I get so much just by listening to them talk.
& it would be an awful waste if I were to forget it,
So I'm writing it down here as I see fit.
Yesterday, papa touched on rezeki.
He bought a bottle of honey about 2 weeks ago.
It was from an old man at the Genting Sempah R&R.
The were many sellers, mostly priced at RM35 per bottle.
But this man sold it for RM30.
He offered papa RM25,
But papa, not really intending to buy the honey, haggled for RM20.
The man was reluctant, & papa started making his way back to the car.
The man called him back, saying if he really wants it he can have it at RM20.
So papa paid for it & brought the honey home & stored it in the cupboard,
& life went on.
The event was so insignificant that no one even mentioned the fact that the honey was bought til yesterday.
A week went by & mama heard some sounds in the kitchen.
She walked in to find the bottle containing the honey had split cleanly in half.
Not a drop of honey was able to be saved,
It dripped down the cupboard & made a mess,
Not to mention it was a pain to clean up.
According to mama & papa, that honey was of a very good quality.
It did not soak the cloth, newspaper & tissue they tried wiping it with (so mama had to scoop it up with her hands),
& did not attract any ants at all.
So papa regretfully recounted the story to us,
Saying how bad he felt for haggling so low with that man,
Who probably needed the money so bad he was willing to make a small profit rather than no sale at all,
When it is common to find honey claiming to be really good, authentic stuff, being sold for 4 times that price.
& just like that, rezeki can be taken from us,
In the form of broken bottles & spilt honey.
I guess another way to look at it is that Allah had intended that man to only make RM20 from papa that day,
But I hope that RM20 went to good use,
& that Allah blesses him with ample rezeki always.

Onya baby Cruiser.

The search has ended.
Onya baby Cruiser in Lapis Blue won my heart.
At first it was between Snuggbaby Stork & Jumpsac Orbit.
Not only are they locally designed & made,
They're also products of WAHMs.
& they're so beautiful, I went nuts just thinking of how customizable they are.
Saw one batik Stork & I went apeshit it's soooo beautiful.
So I started reading reviews.
I was basically living in the Malaysian Babywearers page on Facebook this whole week.
& at first I was set for the Orbit mesh, simply because Hilwa sweats so much.
But last night, at the last possible minute,
I somehow decided to browse for other brands, & Onya caught my attention.
Previously I totally skipped them altogether coz their design is so plain & boring.
I considered Boba for a while but reviews all mention how they attract dust like magnet & I HATE dust,
So it was quickly crossed off my list.
I went back to browsing, this time slowing down at Onya.
The price is seriously not bad.
& Fabulous Mom is having this fabulous sale where on top of a 10% off, they gave the chewie pad for free.
That thing retails for RM 56 I think? Or was it RM 65? But its not cheap.
Started reading on them,
The Outback has a mesh lining,
But when I tried it on I found it rather kasar so I went for the Cruiser instead.
I did give Orbit a try, just to get it out of my system,
& it's insanely soft,
But the features of Onya (& the freebies) has won me.
So now I'm a proud owner of an SSC that can also be fitted onto a chair for my baby to sit in place of a high chair,
Which has pockets & loops & clips (& I'm such a sucker for those little devils),
& Ikhwan has finally agreed to babywear,
During which both Hilwa & him fell sound asleep on the sofa :D
I fully recommend ONYA!

Omg I forgot to add that today Hilwa turns 1 hijrah year old!
Time sure flies.

Love.

(Picture stolen from a friend's Facebook)

Love is a choice.
I learnt that in Ikea.
Out of the many people you come across each day,
You chose a certain someone.
You chose to let your mind wander to them.
You chose to give them a chance.
& after almost two years of marriage,
I still make a very important decision each day,
That is to continue loving.
To choose being patient,
& understanding,
& to forgive (but most often it's just to forget).
Love is purely a choice that you make.
So don't choose to make it complicated.