Mummy's gadgets.

I think its safe to say Hilwa has outgrown the ring sling.
It makes me so sad,
But carrying her while she slept tadi almost broke my shoulder.
It doesn't help that she no longer cares to be still when i put her in so I can't properly adjust the cloth & stuff.
So.. I guess I need an SSC now?
But instead of feeling excited to explore & choose & ultimately spend,
I'm feeling rather unsure.
She's gonna start walking soon (& in my head I'm picturing her walking throughout the day without feeling tired & whiny & needing to nap lol).
& at the same time I want her to sit on the stroller.
We spent so much on that blasted thing.
Plus it's not like she's never done it.
She has fallen asleep in it once (& I have pictures for proof) so Hilwa don't give me the 'I'm not comfortable in the stroller' nonsense.
But as a mother who has had a taste of babywearing,
I can't just not carry her.
I can't.
The idea of stowing away the ring sling for futures babies (if any aherher) is heartbreaking.
But using the sling is shoulder breaking T.T
Then I get to the issue that's bugging me the most,
Which is the freedom/protective balance.
If I carry her, then I place her in the stroller, then I carry her again,
When will she have time to walk on her own, to explore?
If I carry her all the time I might not notice when she wants (or worse, needs to) go down & walk on her own,
& who knows it might hamper her development.
I don't want her to grow up reserved, scared, shy, dependent.
Urgh I don't know.
I guess SSC on standby for napping/truly dangerous environments?
Then what will become of the stroller may I ask?
Sheesh.

The root.

I love how 11 & a half months down,
Baby still roots in the same jerky movements as when she was a newborn.
Rooting has got to be my most favourite act/gesture.
Just ask my husband how much I squealed when I saw this !
Hahahah kesian but so farnee.
I remember being perplexed at the whole idea of breastfeeding even during my pregnancy.
Like, you're gonna allow that to be done to some of your body parts?
All day? Even in public?
But breastfeeding is truly, truly a remarkable experience.
I'm a changed woman.
& when you think you can't possibly love your child more,
Try babywearing.

Sickdays.

You know what is the worst thing about catching a cold?
Not being able to kiss your child.
Yes it sucks that your throat hurts,
Your nose is stuffed,
Your throat itches juuuust as your child is drifting off to sleep so you had to cough,
You feel tired,
& you can't simply feed your child whatever you're eating coz you just licked your finger.
But not being able to kiss her is a whole other level.
I miss this girl so much & she's just right beside me.

Too much, too fast(?)

No, title doesn't relate directly to my last post.
Wait, what am I saying?
It does.
But I'm not here to explain myself,
Or brag that I've achieved so much in like 4 days,
Or anything in between.
I just want to remind myself that change should come from within.
I can cook, clean, iron & sweat all I want.
But what determines how much I've achieved is the amount of love I still feel for my husband at the end (or sometimes as soon as the middle) of the day.
Because I keep finding myself grumbling, mostly out loud, in my tiredness.
& that is a business class ticket untuk pergi jahanam (lulz I just wanted to write pergi jahanam but seriously people).
You know where I should have started?
With my solat.
With my mind & my heart.
Instead of worrying about chores all the 5 times my forehead touches the floor,
I shouldn't have been worrying about anything at all.

To be accomplished.

Life goals, because why wait for the new year to set yourself a challenge?

1) Take on the task of cooking for the family daily. (Yes, judge me all you want. I'm a housewife who doesn't cook because I am lazy. Nothing else. Just plain lazy).

2) Add on ironing to my current laundry tasks. Because obviously if I do it everyday, mama wouldn't end up with a monstrous load every end of the month.

3) Finish that kisah Al-Quran book. On top of not wanting to end up as an air headed, fat housewife, I do want to enter Jannah, yknow.

4) Sweat some (no, chasing Hilwa around the house does not count). She'll be walking soon, you ain't got no excuse for not at least bringing her out to the padang in the evenings.

5) Achieve all the above, on top of assisting Abah (& occasionally Yaya) to earn some of my own bucks every month, current daily laundry & dishes chores & taking care of Hilwa full time without either going mental, dying, or killing someone (lulz).

Honestly when you write it down it doesn't sound that daunting.

& then I will hopefully be able to proudly say I am a fulltime housewife, yes ALL THE CHORES THAT COMES WITH IT plus a hot bod to boot.