Cloth.

The struggle is real.
You know how duckscarves is all the rage now.
(If you don't then good for you! Do not go & find out lol).
It's funny how a fad like that can alter your take on life.
Like, last week I'm perfectly content about wearing plain instant tudungs, even for raya,
& suddenly now I'm reimagining my entire wardrobe with a floral (or songket print) tudung.
But then honestly, I'm not paying RM200 plus for a piece of satin cloth.
Woven wraps, however, is a whole different story.
I'm so glad I have such a firm grip on reality ihihi.
(& I think my husband doesn't mind me looking like a maid, flaunting carriers while donning instant tudungs. But if he does mind, then I don't mind receiving expensive tudungs too).

Mrs. Jenin.

Apa lagi nak diomelkan kalau bukan hal rumah tangga?
Haa kat sini dah nampak masalah dia.
Rumah tangga.
Kenapa kalau rumah mesti ada tangga?
Kalau kau tanya aku sekarang apa rumah idaman aku, memang senafas aku jawab rumah yang takda tangga.
Dulu masa kecik kalau lalu rumah orang kaya, aku mesti tengok terlopong dengan statement 'bestnyaaa'.
Rumah bertingkat-tingkat, luas, banyak cermin, lagi heaven ada swimming pool.
Pastu mama & kak gayah mesti reply 'uiii penat nak kemas!'.
Sekarang aku paham.
Kalau takde anak memang aku ajak Ikhwan beli studio apartment je.
Tapi dah ada toyol 2 orang ni maka rumah idaman adalah apartment 3 bilik paling cikai.
Taknak landed sebab aku malas nak potong rumput.
Master bedroom yang aku boleh letak katil tengah-tengah untuk menyenangkan proses tukar cadar.
Lantai yang bukan parquet, serta warna putih so that aku senang nak tgk habuk.
Tapi aku nak robot vacuum, suruh dia je buat keje.
Taknak carpet. Carpet adalah nightmare bila bebudak makan sepah.
Pastu fantasy aku yang paling ultimate is a kids playroom.
An empty, fully carpeted room preferably with no windows that they could climb, filled with their toys, & barred by pagar baby so they can't escape but they can't shut the door either.
Ohh heaven..
Kalau kurung Izzaz dalam tu, Hilwa duduk luar tengok Nick Jr pun dah macam-macam kerja aku boleh achieve.
Oh lagi satu, aku nak washer dryer.
Sebab aku dah penat angkat baju pastu jumpa taik burung T.T
Cite dia sebenarnya aku tukar cadar pastu jumpa taik burung..
Makanya minggu ni pulun cuci cadar 2 set la nampaknya.
Tak masuk lagi selimut dengan mattress protector dan baju harian yang lain TT.TT
Nak dryer sebijik pelissss

Too much.

Today was definitely eventful, & it's still not over yet.
Started out pretty ordinary until around 6 when I was helping my mum out in the kitchen.
Came to the front to find Hilwa fell asleep in front of the TV.
I'm not sure how long it was, but it couldn't be more than 15 minutes.
I quickly woke her up & to pujuk her for interrupting her sleep, I took her mandi.
She had a good dinner, took a huge dump,
& I was kinda hoping she'd go to sleep by 10 latest.
But nope.. Izzaz fell asleep around 9 & Hilwa was still hyper so I brought her back down.
She was jumping around, playing..
Then she paused & sat so I asked if she was ready to bobom,
She said bobom in the softest voice.
So I brought her up again, & she couldn't shut up so that woke Izzaz up.
She started jumping all over the bed,
Gave me a big hug,
Then headbutted Izzaz square on the nose.
Of course it bled.
He was dripping blood all over his tshirt.
I was panicking calling my parents who were out for terawih.
Thank god the bleeding stopped pretty quickly, & I've been monitoring him for bruising or swelling but there's none so far.
Because of that Ikhwan came home,
& I guess that renewed Hilwa's energy too coz she's always excited to see Papa.
It's now 0209hrs & she's still jumping around downstairs.
She's had a packed of oat krunch cookies, some keropok & a bowl of cornflakes.
She's definitely eating great today but honestly is she really converting the calories this fast?!
As much as I want a place of my own right now,
I can't imagine managing it.
I won't be able to cook at all with Izzaz crawling after me everywhere I go & Hilwa hurting him whenever possible (tonight's incident wasn't unintentional. After causing the nose bleed, she knocked his head with her phone. & she also scratched his face/head quite a few times today)
I can't imagine how I would have handled the situation just now if I was living on my own,
Alone & with Ikhwan not immediately reachable on his phone.
I'm not kidding when I say I can't do anymore kids.
Right now my life depends on a schedule.
Hilwa cannot nap throughout the day because she needs to sleep first because Izzaz literally wakes up at the sound of her voice.
& the moment Izzaz goes to sleep I cannot leave the room or the bed because he will wake up too.
I thought I had many other points just now but this negative chemistry between my two kids alone seems more than enough.
Hilwa please just go to sleeeeep.

Pattern.

So up til this week both kids have been lenient with me.
From day one Hilwa hasn't had a problem with sleeping, not to the point of it dragging on for a few days & taking a toll on me,
& same goes with Izzaz.
They both just got on the same pattern & I've never really known sleep deprivation.
But this week,
The week where I was basically home alone with them for 4 days,
Which means 24 hours of contact, no breaks, constant vigilance,
They decided to adopt a new pattern.
They'd go to sleep after maghrib roughly,
Nap for 2 hours,
& like clockwork both will wake up & continue playing til Ikhwan gets home.
Everyday this week.
I'd only get to sleep after 4 am,
Get woken up regularly by either Hilwa asking for a drink or Izzaz for milk about every 1 and a half hours,
I'd finally give up & be fully alert at noon,
Get a brief rest between about 8 to 10 pm,
Then be on alert again until 4 am.
I don't feel sleep deprived.
I'm just mentally so tired.
I've never been this aware of the fact that I'm tied to these goons for life.
For. Life.
They're gonna be bugging me their whole frigging life.
I mean look at me, still living with my parents & I'm married with two kids.
That's my future right there,
Bothered by my kids to my last breath.
Oh god I so need a break.
So tired T.T