kerana..

.. ia sesuatu yang no-strings-attached;

kerana..

.. bila rasa crappy, ia juga boleh jadi ego boost;

kerana..

.. dah kenal lama jadi istilah "segan silu" dah tak wujud lagi;

kerana..

.. ia semua terpulang kepada chemistry;

tak bergantung kepada masa

tak bergantung kepada rupa

tak pernah kena tempat

tak semestinya jantina sama

yang penting, rasa senang bila bersama..

post ini akan di-edit bila perlu

nghh penat. taktau kenapa. kaki lenguh, macam lah aku went through the whole "bus" journey dari uitm sampai rumah. tak langsung.. naik kereta dari kekwa terus ke taman zaaba. apa tah yang penat sangat?

ye, ye.. tau.. balik dah. sem baru start sehari. suka hati lah! aku nak celebrate new year (ya allah, kafir betul).. agak kecewa lah. bangun awal pagi tadi, lecturer tak datang kelas pukul 8. Breakfast kejap kat uptown.. pergi kelas pukul 10, pun lecturer tak ada. adehhh... nasib baik kelas pukul 2 lecturer ada. tapi dia macam poyo. & dia ajar kelas aku 2 subject. terbaik...

bercerita lanjut pasal lecturer 2 subject ni.. dia suruh kitorang carik syllabus sendiri dekat "portal i-learn". apa benda tah.. tak pernah pakai sebelum ni. dah 2, 3 kali aku masuk keluar masuk keluar portal tu.. aku masih tak jumpa syllabus & notes yang dia dah upload tu (katanya). gahh! nasib baik lah tak plan pun nak pergi kelas esok. kalau tak.. mampus. bayangkan lecturer yang ajar 2 subject anti kat kau dari awal sem. tak boleh, tak boleh..

tapi! ada baiknya gak dia. sebab kelas kedua tu (ais360 yang lecturer asal baru beranak dan masih berpantang) clash dengan jadual dia, dia tukar kelas kitorang ke hari khamis. terbaik! weekend panjang lagi la nampaknya. huhu

by the way.. hasif dearest just told me "excellent" news pasal lecturer yang telah menjadi topic utama blog ni. terbaik.. sangat terbaik! aaaaaaaa saya takmau extend :'(

class cancel!

ika tengah membebel.



ahh kembali ke yang familiar. this place isn't that bad right?
"yelah sebab aku ada" kata ika dengan gelak-gelak manja.



iyelah tu...

pergi, & akan kembali (i/allah..)

buppy's rubbing against my feet.. now she's trying to climb onto my lap. ah janganla buat camni. i'll be back latest wednesday sayang..



nghhh takmau balik perak.. not yet. walaupun cuti ni agak hampeh, tapi aku macam masih tak puas rasa hampeh lagi.



takpe, takpe.. FINAL SEM kan? hee :D

eff queue

ah mimpi.

perlu ke datang dalam mimpi? mimpi je? kenapa tak boleh dalam realiti?











azam tahun baru: seek forgiveness.

saya tak suka jadi pelajar uitm! uitm bodoh! menyusahkan orang. grrr

I'm Dreaming Of a White, no.. Wet, Christmas..

christmas was... wet. i can't remember how we got to it, but we started talking about nanny (my grandmother). & aunty esther started crying, then jackie, then both my mum & aunty patsy. though i feel pretty bad saying this, but i was tearing up because i couldn't stop thinking about arwah izwan. i mean, yeah i'm sad nanny's not around anymore. she's cool i tell you. but she passed away less than a month after arwah apiq. i haven't recovered from the first blow. & the fact that i was away at kem perdana didn't help. i just... didn't feel it. or maybe i felt it, but it blended in with those of arwah apiq. then just now when jackie was talking about nanny, & aunty esther was saying she should spend some time at her grave tomorrow, i just really couldn't help myself thinking of those time spent at arwah izwan's grave. when everyone was talking about dreaming of nanny, i thought of my dreams of arwah izwan. then jackie turned to me & asked "when are you going to cry?". "i've had enough of crying" i said. nobody asked anything else, so i pushed it from my head. yes. jackie's right. what's the point of crying at their grave. it doesn't change anything.

oh well.. enough with depressing stuff. the overall celebration was good! arrived just in time for lunch, & immediately i was "bathed" in beer. uncle stanley came to hug me merry christmas, & spilled his mug of beer all over my right feet. nice. we had lunch outside, a bbq. then everyone lazed around, as usual. had the dirty jokes session, as usual. the turkey almost got burnt, not really usual, but expected. had turkey for dinner, finally. then oms turned up. yea, oms as in the shah alam debate ex-coach. i don't know how he got to know uncle stanley, but he was there. small world.

the question of the day was "so you have boyfriend already ah?". you see, kenny & david brought their girlfriends. so the rest of us young adults (me, my brother, jillian, sheryl) got pestered about it quite a lot. nahh didn't bug me much, especially when aunty eliza went "you so pretty la hilyah. got boyfriend already ah?" oohh pretty ah? of course la! huhuhu

the day's ending in 23minutes. aaa so fast! but still, i'll be meeting aunty esther, uncle george, aunty patsy & jillian this sunday most probably. till then! oh! did i mention it rained half the day? they bbq-ed the rest of the chicken & lamb for dinner under a payung ('cause the bbq pit couldn't be moved). good times, good times :)

Merry Christmas loves!

off to seremban for some turkeeeeyyy :D

is it fair kalau aku cakap aku tak puas hati dengan deirdre sebab..

• dia buat aku rasa rendah diri

-kerana sangat susah untuk dia post gambar aku dengan dia kat mana-mana. padahal kalau gambar dengan orang lain, banyak je
-kerana most of the time dia cari aku untuk mintak tolong je, or sebagai last resort bila nak lepak

• dia dah makin susah nak share hal-hal serious dengan aku. kecik sangat hati masa dia gaduh dengan bapak dia tapi dia tak bagi aku go over to see her

• she puts other people before me, especially guys. tapi kenapa bila sampai hal-hal mintak tolong, dia tak utamakan yang lain-lain dulu?

• i feel like i don't know her anymore

entah. everytime i feel angry, there will always be this voice in my head that tells me to calm down, that i am just overreacting. tapi kenapa aku masih sibuk nak jaga hati dia sekarang? yes. once upon a time i would do anything for her. i would drive her around, pick her up when she falls, accompany her when she's lonely, because it honors me so much that she counts me a friend what more a close one. dulu aku fikir, kalau tak pasal dia tak mungkin orang-orang "cool" nak bertegur sapa dengan aku. tapi apa maknanya sekarang kan? i don't quite care who says hi to me. i do care when they value my presence. i do care when they take interest in what i'm saying.

i never thought it would happen, but i did notice you suppress a giggle & shoot a look to your friend when i was talking about harry potter. kenapa? sebab tak cool? just to remind you, you were the one who excitedly pre-ordered beedle the bard.

i need a third party. someone impartial who can look at both sides of the story & tell me is this justified. & after that i need someone to give me a tight slap & tell me this is not a loss. i want to walk away so bad.

feeling Blue?

i feel sad. biru wanted to come into the house, but i told him not to (waving my hands around, saying "shoo! shoo!") & he understood, or at least he understood the gesture. i don't know, but he just looked disappointed, & jumped back outside. ahh gila! as if dia boleh merajuk panjang kan? as if dia merajuk pun!


now i feel like having some ramli burger. god.. the things hormones do to you.


oh lupa pulak. biru is my cat! dia pandai posing. mau lihat?









hah! lihat! he's in the house now. kali ni dah tak dengar orang kata jangan masuk. ish ish

thick, black eyeliner

285 posts


22373 views


first post dating back to Feb 2004


to leave it behind entirely would be impossible. people who know me well would know i don't get over things easily. i value familiarity. apa salahnya dua blog kan? i am one with a split personality anyway. hee jadi silalah.. yang baru jangan dipinggirkan, yang lama jangan dilupakan. cheyy :P

number one, & counting

i don't think i can hold it anymore. signs upon signs. nope.. ignore no more.

so here it is.. my new blog. FINALLY on blogger, lin would say. yeap! finally.

huh? what? oh.. the signs you ask. yes yes i'm getting there.

first, i took off the wristbands. i know! another finally. theres this crazy sale going on, & mama bought me a watch. a nice one, leather strap & all. so i decided to take off my wristbands 'cause it'll look god awful, something so classy & something so funky side by side. so yes.. so much for wanting to take it off as one of the things i'll do when i turn 21. but really, it's about time.

second, OMG I STAND DEIRDRE ANYMORE! so by having this new blog, i hope i can bitch about it a bit without fearing she might read it. see! why do i care so much if she gets hurt? "i tunggu je bila u nak meletup kat dia" says pear. i tak tau.. i'm not one to go meletup-ing at everyone. haihh whateverlah.

okay okay.. time for happy thoughts. i'm like, IN LOVE with this book called "the lake of dead languages" by carol goodman. it's insane! i think it's the best book i've ever read. yeap! it tops even harry potter. & it's where i got the name deirdre. & my new obsession with latin. i recommend you readers out there to check it out. it's a bit dark, some suicidal stuff, but definitely not morbid. it's nice. see! i can't stop talking about this. dah dah stop! this is so not cool, lya. hahah