Rindu.

Dok baca status2 orang Kat Facebook,
Ada sorang ni pregnant dah cukup masa tapi still dok gi kerja naik LRT everyday.
Ramai la dok concern suruh mintak husband hantar la, naik teksi la,
Then jumpa comment paling membantu which dia sebut kalau baby mengeras2 or rasa penat sangat tetibe, cepat2 balik rumah.
Tetibe flashback Jumaat terakhir before deliver Hilwa.
Memandangkan orang kerja gomen lunch hour extra panjang hari Jumaat,
Aku keluar merewang dengan kina.
Pergi makan, jalan2, dia siap borong kimchi bagai kat cold storage.
Oh yes I remember the day vividly.
Pagi tu last check up, ntah kenapa cepat gila settle, tak sampai 9am pun lagi.
Padahal notorious kot hari Jumaat hari mgtt manusia memang melaut kat KK.
Anyways, dah jauh menyimpang.
Balik dari OU tu aku tukar baju then duduk tersadai kat living room,
Mama tengah tuition,
Aku melayan Hilwa yg literally rasa mcm dok summersault dalam perut nonstop.
She didn't stop moving even for a second,
Sampai malam,
Sampai aku email Ikhwan cakap this is so lain macam,
Sampai semput la senang cerita.
But alas, it wasn't until Monday that I would deliver huhuuu..
Random memories.
Rindu beranak.
Je.
Rindu beranak je fullstop.
Tak rindu pregnant coz heartburn sucks,
Definitely tak rindu membesarkan anak2 bahahaha

Sweating.

It's funny how much you sweat when you're anxious.
Like I can totally control my facial expressions, soothe my racing heart,
But the sweat is a dead giveaway.
I've been keeping myself calm for the past couple of weeks,
When one day I switched on my laptop & found my hard drive corrupted.
Calmly gave my brother the old laptop for him to try & salvage some data,
Calmly bought a new laptop,
Calmly downloaded new movies to bring to Penang & (thank God) retrieved songs from my mp3 player for the drive,
Calmly asked my brother for updates after returning from Penang,
When he confirmed that everything is gone.
& still I was calm.
The only thing I could think of that was sayang is the old pictures dating back from my school days.
But I told myself to be calm,
Those who matter to me I'm still friends with, time to make new memories.
Then tonight, must be the Thai tea I had at 8pm, my mind worked just that tiny bit more,
& I realized I've lost all the videos I recorded during the Muse concert.
& that got me sweating.
I could probably get other people's stuff from YouTube but damn those are precious.
& slowly it's getting to me,
How I should have taken the issue more seriously​ when the screen of the old laptop started to become damaged,
I was joking internally how at 6 years old my laptop has developed cancer, because the blip of blackness that started probably 6 months ago has definitely grown.
Should have backed up everything to the external instead of just movies I mean it has over 600gb of free space stupidstupidstupid.
But honest to God I never expected the hard drive to go first when the damage was showing on the screen lol.
& honest to God I don't really have faith on externals, like I expect them to get corrupted faster or simply become lost.
Oh well too late.
So I'll end this with something that's been stuck in my head since I heard it about 2 weeks ago during Ikhwan's cousin's tahlil,
How we feel our life is so long,
It's pretty average for people to live up to their 70s.
Yet we fail to realize we'll most probably experience a much longer time in barzakh.
Think about this (& correct me if I'm wrong because I just cannot grasp the whole BC & AD years thingy) Prophet Muhammad died about 1500 years ago.
He lived for less than 60 years.
Perspective.
So what have we done with our lives to ensure our safety & our comfort later?
Gets you sweating too don't it?

Day 3.

Last full day in Penang.
Breakfast was ok, Hilwa had a few bites of food again.
Today was pancake & koko krunch,
Even though she only took 2 bites of pancake but she tried something new & that's amazing.
After breakfast we went for a walk again.
Found  sort of like a recreational corner & Ikhwan randomly decided to play ping pong.
My first time ever at it to be honest, I'd say I wasn't so bad lol.
The kids had fun chasing the ball too,
Hilwa actually announced while we were leaving the place "I'm so happy I played ball!"
Then we went to the Cool Lounge again, this time zootopia was playing.
The weather was a bit gloomy but since it wasn't raining we decided to take the kids down to the pool early, but just as we got up to go back to the room to change it started pouring.
So we took a nap instead.
Woke up at noon & the rain has stopped to we resumed our plan to swim.
Hilwa braved the slides today, finally.
We also went into the whirlpool.
Then we had our second & final pizza at Sigi's.
We also ordered the kids meal which has a small ceasar salad with grilled chicken (which was super yums), nuggets & fries again for the kids, & finished off with a scoop of ice cream each.
I'd say lunch was our biggest victory yet today because we came straight from the pool & both kids didn't have nappies on & no accidents!
Hilwa legit waited until we brought her into the tub & stripped her before peeing.
She looked like she was holding that one in for quite a while.
I think she's ready for potty training omg why am I so nervous?
Then once everyone is showered & clothed, I put on Moana again & we took another nap! Lol this is the life.
I managed to talk Ikhwan into driving somewhere farther for dinner & he agreed to go find a mall.
We ended up at straits quay, walked around looking at boats, then walked around surveying restaurants but there's nothing we felt like having.
So we drove out again & finally decided to just go look for the nasi dalca & sup hameed stall we found last year.
After many wrong turns, a few wrong locations on Waze, we found the place at almost 9pm.
They didn't disappoint though.
& Hilwa had quite a lot of roti canai,
Alongside half a chocolate cream bun & a packet of oat krunch.
Then the journey back got very interesting when Izzaz threw up all of the nasi dalca he had.
So I spent the night picking up bits of soggy rice from the carpet of my car, & taking apart his car seat, picking up more puke, wiping it down, washing the parts the were badly soiled, etc.
I hope the car doesn't smell tomorrow haihh..
& looks like I just added another batch of laundry to my already long list.
But Izzaz is fine the rest of the night, soundly sleeping now.
& I should too.
I have a whole room to pack before noon tomorrow lulz.

Day 2.

Started the day with breakfast of course.
Hilwa ate a few bites of waffle, some koko krunch, minum susu,
& that's all that matters lol.
Then she wanted to have a walk on the greens so we did.
Had to pujuk her to go back to the room to shower because next up is adventure zone!
Apparently the toddler area is free so they only charged us for Hilwa.
(But then Izzaz got upset when he saw kakak going on the big slide many times so we sneaked him in for a ride. Shoulda seen the smile on his face)
We were only there for 1.5 hours but safe to say the whole family puas main.
I made lots of friends, even raced down the slide with this one girl lol.
It's so easy to be friendly when you're among an international crowd right?
Kalau Malaysia sama Malaysia berlagak tak hengat hahaha
So at 12.30 Hilwa begged us for lunch,
& since our stay package comes with free pizzas at Sigi's bar, we had just that.
Ordered nuggets & fries for Hilwa,
& she got those kids activity sheet thing with color pencils & that kept her busy.
Izzaz was napping half of the time but then I think the heat woke him up.
I insisted we sit outside because the view was just superb.
After lunch we all crashed upstairs.
Last thing I remember was it's about 2.30 & my eyes were heavy.
There was supposed to be a fire drill for the resort staff at 3, but I slept through the whole thing.
According to Ikhwan it was super loud & they made the announcement on the PA system many times.
He finally woke me up at 5 something & I thought I slept through the night lol.
Took the kids down to the beach & pool & stayed till the pool closed down at 7.
For dinner we went back to the hawker centre coz Ikhwan insisted he wants the oyster omelette.
So we ordered that, with char kuey teow, butter chicken & rice, beef teppanyaki, & one more char kuey teow to go.
Yes, we're obsessed​ with the char kuey teow.
Then I bought myself some paintings to hang around the house, coz I've been bugging Ikhwan to decorate the house but a legit art is so expensive.
The ones I got are probably just 5R size,
Illustrations of a beach, an old town, & a kampung house.
Cliche I know, but watercolor! So pretty.
Super happy with the deal I got.
We arrived back at the hotel at a little past 9,
So we decided to chill at the Cool Lounge downstairs.
The booth we got were playing Cars the movie & Hilwa enjoyed it.
There's also some bean bags & books & magazines, some computers & a tab with Internet, board games I think, & a bar for refreshments.
The place closed at 10 so it's back to the room for us.
It's midnight now & Izzaz is out but Hilwa is still pretty energetic.
I swear I think this girl can absorb energy from her surroundings.

Penang Vol. 2

We're in Penang.
It's 0032hrs, I've been up since quarter to 6 this morning, after a measly 4 hour sleep.
But my kids are hyper because they had a nap after swimming this afternoon, then a lollipop after dinner no thanks to kakak concierge.
So I'm typing because despite my whiny tone, I did have an amazing day.
The kids, & Ikhwan, pretty much slept the whole journey,
& I had a blast karaoke-ing while driving,
The road was really clear & I think I only encountered 1 asshole total.
After checking in & having drive thru lunch,
We decided to go down to the pool since it was cloudy & not too hot.
Managed to talk the kids to go play on the beach too,
Eventually they even agreed to go to the edge of the water & I got to chill with Izzaz on my lap while the waves lapped at us.
& when we got back to the room it was barely 5pm,
So everyone got a good nap before dinner.
We took a walk along the pasar malam & came to a hawker centre, which we didn't notice last year when we were here.
I truly enjoyed dinner,
The char kuey teow is simply👌
Ikhwan had pari bakar, ordered nasi goreng cina for Izzaz, some satay, & roti canai for Hilwa (which she ate! I honestly felt like crying when she swallowed the first bite lol).
Then I treated myself to a new handbag.
& we watched Moana in the room.
Which brings us to me tapping away right now because I do not see any signs of the kids sleeping anytime soon.
Thank God for wifi though.

Mashed potatoes.

So here we are,
The eve of yet another core leave.
17 (thank God for bank holidays) days of having the option to push bathtimes & basuh berak tasks to another person.
Yaaaayyyy!
But honestly, this is adulthood.
This past week I have been stressed & dreading this weekend,
Having been planning outfits for 3 people for a week-long trip,
& also planning laundry to make sure the clothes I want to bring are available,
& so that we leave the house with the most minimal dirty laundry left behind.
Not to mention I've of course been stressing about the amount of laundry I'd have to do when we return from the trip.
I kid you not when I say laundry is life.
Why didn't disposable clothes ever become a thing? T_T
But yeah, amidst all this I haven't had the brain capacity to even feel slightly excited about the trip.
& tonight I managed random moments of 'yaaayyy core leave' but after folding clothes, checking those I have set aside for the trip, gathering things that I can pack now, & actually arranging them all in the bag,
I'm just brainmeltingly exhausted.
I feel like my face is sliding off my head, & the tips of my fingers were numb.
Yet here I am typing lol.
I remember having a lot of things to talk about but for the life of me I can't remember anymore.
There was something there about wanting to advise people to consider this if they ever long for kids,
The fact that for every single family vacation you imagine your happy family going on,
You have to plan outfits & pack for yourself, & the number of kids you have.
The number is 3 for me, & I'm so done.
I miss throwing together one bag for myself the night before the trip & be done in 2 hours tops, luggage all neat & zipped up.
Hurrr just thinking​ of it is draining my energy.
Anyways, now I'm pissed at myself for not remembering what is it I actually wanted to talk about.
Ah well it'll come back to me when I reread this tomorrow.
Fingers crossed.