Angelina.

looking through beautiful pottery,

i realized how much i am like my grandmother.

or maybe i'm just reminded of her by weird things,

such as those blue & white classic all england looking tea sets,

& english rose talcum.

i should go find me some.

the rose talcum that is.

tea sets i can't quite afford,

yet.

i always find myself wanting to write about this,

but once i get to the new post page, i'd take a long pause.

there's really no way to say things like this subtly.

even thinking about writing it out scares me.

because he makes me aware of how fragile life actually is.

all it takes is less than a second

to lose someone.

i've been typing out sentences & erasing them over & over again,

i still feel like i'm giving out too much.

i don't want to give out at all.

i want to keep it all to myself.

to hell with the fact i might not remember anything because i never did write them down.

life is about growing up,

& progressing,

not being stuck in one phase forever.

it's funny how monica & chandler are teaching me so much.

i hate not being able to call you.

i hate not being able to call you.

i hate not being able to call you.

i hate not being able to call you.

that is all.

i just realized i indirectly quoted Sunan.

"sebagai manusia, aku sayang padamu".

i love you.

as a human being, i do.

post ini ditujukan khas kepada semua yang membaca.

tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup mahupun mati,

serta siri novel bagaikan puteri,

& especially sebuah conversation yang berlangsung di ah hong.

hihu.

it's a wrap

we're actually done.

& the emotions i've been having since this morning is unexpected,

& surprising.

the most prominent being fear of this unemployment.

fear of not having somewhere i need to be come monday morning.

my sister was so right when she said i'm a workaholic.

haha anyways more on this later.

i gotta go digest everthing.

"miles & worlds apart, yet they are a lot the same than they are different"

word by word,

by heart,

it's strange how things get stuck to you,

how things turn out.

4 days to go.

four days to go.

that is if sabtu tak perlu masuk office dah lah.

reality hidup makin nampak.

seperti browse through jobstreet serta jobsdb dan rasa sesak nafas.

seperti conversation dengan mamanda & kakaknda pasal warna tema wedding & duit savings.

honestly the latter should by typed out before the former.

sebab tak ada benda lain yang aku nampak lepas habis internship ni,

selain dapat green light untuk kahwin, finally.

& buat masa macam sekarang,

patutnya dah tidur pukul 11 tadi (sekali sekala bagi badan cukup rehat)

tapi otak seperti tak mahu,

seperti rasa sunyi,

seperti kosong dan lapang kiri kanan,

(carik laki la tu derr)

no no aku bukan sangap.

cuma mungkin dah bosan dengan silence.

(tapi rasanya ikhwan tidur takde berdengkur).

so kali ni ubah topic.

dari asyik kerja, kerja, kerja,

kita cakap pasal kahwin.

doa duit gugur dari langit.

amin.

1 week to go.

last week of internship starts tomorrow.

finally.

i'm honestly sick of all the drama & the annoyance of work.

but on the other hand,

especially now after i've browsed through jobstreet just to get the feel of it,

i'm kinda nervous about what life might bring in the future.

the thing about minc is that you absolutely can't bring work out,

so when office hours ends, it ends.

& i guess that, above all other, is the most important thing to me.

i am sick of homework.

no more.

kalau lepas ni pergi interview nak tanya soalan-soalan pelik macam ni boleh tak?

seperti perlukah saya bawak kerja balik?

seperti adakah orang akan boo saya kalau punch out on time?

seperti sabtu kena kerjakah?

because honestly, i'm only considering work for the money.

not those career-building, life-fulfilling shit.

i was born to start a family bitches.

that's all.

eh merepek panjang pulak.

so here's to, InsyaAllah dengan selamat & sempurnanya, finishing internship!

proposal dah submit.

lega sikit.

20 markah dah tak boleh tarik balik however it goes.

yes lega.

& sebagai reward untuk diri sendiri,

subang seringgit beserta avril lavigne's when you're gone versi live acoustic yang masuk menusuk,

juga luahan rasa hati seseorang ini

macam chicken soup for the soul,

macam tu lah.

Candle

i'm trying to sum up this morning without sounding too mushy,

or downright freaky.

yes,

girls will always be girls,

we grew up together since god knows how old,

i used to probably spend more time at her place than at mine.

i slept there too, countless nights.

& what did we do?

talk about guys & love & more guys,

just like this morning.

all that changed was the level of seriousness,

& perhaps i can say maturity.

you,

& everything you are,

& everything your family stands for,

inspire me.

dari dulu sampai sekarang, sumpah.

let's just pray things turn out how we both want it to be.

thank you for the years & years of friendship

sent with the wind.

you can't kid your heart.

if it once loved,

it will forever love.

how much, how little, how strong, how faint,

it will be there,

stirred by the simplest things.

such as four letters,

a C,

an S,

an A,

a V.

& i could easily write this someplace else,

but i guess i kind of want you to know that tonight,

you're in my mind,

accompanied by good thoughts.

hope you are well.

flashbacks (the good kind)

setakat jam 1408, this 3rd of november has been a rather unexpected one.

good kind of unexpected.

walaupun aku masih belum buat kerja

(tapi kita ketepikan buat waktu ni)

i actually had a whole reminisce session yang langsung tak melibatkan character-character yang sepatutnya terlibat.

to elaborate further,

taman tun hujan lebat,

& time aku tengah lunch dengan penuh enak dekat pokok cherry,

i saw two primary school kids (kakak dengan adik lelaki kot) jalan balik rumah dalam hujan,

taking their own sweet time,

enjoying the rain,

& it brought flashbacks of form 2 & the various mandi hujan moments we had at school,

primarily that random mandi hujan dengan full school uniform lepas tu masuk kelas sambung belajar macam takde pape belaku.

nice.

it's actually almost 10 years ago.

rasa macam baru 2, 3 tahun lepas.

atau mungkin minggu lepas.

damn, rindu.

fynn,

kau better kawin cepat supaya anak kita sebaya.

aku nak paksa dorang pergi sekolah pagi-pagi usha lelaki,

ponteng kelas lepak dalam kelas kosong,

mandi hujan bila perlu,

& basically be all lesbian with each other.

please?

:D

berangan #2937

i probably just died.

BHLDN

and somehow, eventhough i died, this will haunt me for the rest of my life.

haih.

nak kahwin memakai cincin ni :(