perhatian kepada yang tidak terlibat:

rasa-rasanya korang tak perlu masuk campur kot?

tak pernah dengar ke istilah 'assume' itu adalah making an 'ass' out of 'u' & 'me'?

jadi silalah bawa assumptions anda-anda itu kelaut.

menjelakkan.

sense.

thereareajumbleofcontradictingwordsthatisgoingthroughmyheadnow.honestlynoneofitmakessense.andihaveawholeparagraphdraftedalsoinmyheadofhowitmakessenseyetitdoesnotmakesense.thenilostmytrainofthought.andonlyoneremains.thatis

i know if things did not happen the way it did,

it would not actually make that much difference in my life now.

we would have, eventually, drifted apart.

we would not be close like we used to.

we would not play a big part in each other's life.

things would be the same as now, like this, after what happened.

but i'd kill for that reality,

than this one,

feeling all this,

now.

andofcoursemymindarguedthatifthingsweretohappendifferently,thatitwouldhavemadeallthedifference.thatwewouldbethebestoffriends.thatwewouldbesoimportantineachotherslife.thatthingswouldbethecompleteoppositeofwhatisnow.andiwouldkillforthatrealitytoo.

the exceptions.

i know there has been a sudden influx of angau posts from me left, right & centre. you're probably thinking it's because of someone new. nono.. you're so wrong. people (yes, plural) from so far back in my life that they're almost ancient (hehe) are responsible for this. like tonight for example.

like a raya open house & updates session (& getting support :D). like a trip to tutti frutti. like going back to the car & realizing it's gone. like the journey back from the depoh simpanan & witnessing something epic.

like a lot of things, really. you just have to count your blessings. & be amongst people who love you & care for you regardless.

oh i'm so angau still! :D

but of course, someone new (who, i have to mention, has the aura of someone ancient) does contribute a lot to this :)

cheers, beloveds!

Lya Ishak is feeling super blessed.

for the not-so-stolen moments, accompanied by music & endless conversations.

for those who are only a phone call, or a click on gtalk, away.

for people who cares enough to drop a wall or two.

& ask "berapa 2+5".

untuk mereka yang berjanji untuk menjaga.

mereka yang sentiasa ada.

mereka yang tenggelam timbul, tapi ditakdirkan hari ini datang menyapa.

of all the days in a year

Allah chose today

to let me feel this blessed.

Alhamdulillah.

untuk semua-semua;

sayang ini tidak terkata.

tidak terhingga.

:)

hey;

at this exact moment, i am wondering if whatever happened didn't happen, would i be expressing this much love towards you? i am wondering what would i do to wish you, to celebrate with you. or whether i'd just quietly entertain the idea by myself, never saying it out loud to you. like i did. like what really happened actually.

if what happened didn't happen, i think we'd be having quite some fun, if not right now then maybe this weekend. somehow i know the friendship'll pull through. we all go way back, don't we?

but hey, what happened did happen. so straight from this regretful heart, this heart that never stopped missing you:

happy 21st.

p/s: i miss the smell of fresh roses, yes. but the timing's rather off. soon?

so apparently the second wembley show's (september 11th) setlist is made for me.

made specifically to make me cry my eyes dry.

BABI!

*pergi meraung sambil tengok video-video youtube yang direkod dengan format HD*

babi lagi.

Citizen Erased

wash away

clean your body of me

erase all the memories

they'll only bring us pain

& i've seen all i ever need

sebab silence do me no good.

& sounds do me worse.

hurry up, I., before saya buka journal-journal lama again.

Baby, Baby, Baby, oh~

so actually there's a follow up to the story of Boy, the cat who died underneath Bells. i just haven't had the heart to write about it. but seeing how Baby was just now, i think this deserves a mention.

so it went, as Boy lay panting underneath my car that day, Baby accompanied him. just sort of lay down beside him & kept him company. i thought it was cute, 'cause Baby was also a "pendatang" as we call it. he just appeared at my house one day, & Blue took custody of him i don't know why. so he became our cat. & hence seeing Baby welcoming & comforting Boy, it was quite a sight for me. little did i know it was going to impact him so greatly.

the very next day after Boy came & died, Baby fell horribly ill. i didn't notice at first that he was just in the box all day, sleeping. until i saw him curled up, which is so not him because he always will be in front of the grill, or just somewhere with Blue. but he was alone in the box, curled up & asleep. when i checked on him, his eyes were dirty & his nose was completely blocked. exactly like how Boy was when i discovered him. & it saddened me that one, the illness was so contagious that Baby caught it almost instantly & two, Baby had to catch it just because he was being friendly. so i cleaned him & gave him some medicine.

i think, if i'm not mistaken, it has been 3 days since he fell sick. he's almost all skin & bones now. but he seems stronger today. for a start, when i talked to him just now he actually sat up & looked at me. the last 2 days he didn't even as much as open his eyes. & i think he ate some biscuits that my mum put for him in his box earlier today. so i cleaned him again & gave him his meds. i decided to just try put him in front of the water bowl (3 days ago he just stared at the water). he drank quite a lot. so i stroked him, & him being the attention-seeking manja cat that he is, turned to look at me with his one good eye (i have a thing for blind cats, i don't know why). & thats how i know he's going to recover. he's such a strong boy. & then he went to the litter box to do his business. i told you he's a strong boy.

so there you have it. all it takes to touch my heart is just a look. & all it needs is one eye. to Baby, who was kind enough that he himself fell sick, & who's strong enough that i know he'll recover, i'll always be here for you :)

dearest Boy,

to the cat, who touched my heart, that died under my car just now,

first & foremost, i am sorry i did not offer you any water the whole time i was aware you were there. the thing is, i was hoping as night descends & the temperature goes down that you would regain your strength to crawl out from underneath the car. the truth is, i didn't think i would be able to tend to you in your condition just now.

& also, sorry you had to be born, or to be led, into the hands of such heartless people who dumped you in a shallow box with only some papers, cat biscuit & a syringe (god knows why) in front of my house. i am glad you were, at that time, strong enough to crawl underneath Bells. i hope he (& Baby) offered you some degree of comfort.

& i am sorry, terribly sorry, again, that although i realized your nose was stuffed & your fur was wet & you must've been in pain & so thirsty, i did nothing much other than stroke your head. i don't know why. i regret it. & i am sorry.

i know for a fact you're in a better place. but you didn't deserve to die such a slow, painful death. i am glad we crossed path. sorry if in the process of stroking & moving your head, i hurt you even the slightest bit.

we shall tend to your remains as soon as my dad gets back from the wedding. rest in peace.

was it really 6 hours? :O

that was random.

a tribute to Firdaus Sapidih.
thank you :)

Eat. Pray. Love. Go to the Salon.

so i decided its time my hair gets some pampering again.

actually, i don't quite see the point of writing this post. i just like the sound of the title.

because i read about Julia Roberts in one of the many magazines i browsed through. & she was talking about that movie.

& really, at times i think the only way i could pass through this is by eating, praying & loving.

but instead i went to the salon.

why am i rambling? don't ask. i'm still trying to make sense of it all. trying to adjust.

:)

Rock for Clever People.

right, since there's 2 wembley shows, so i've obviously missed one & i'm going to miss another one in about 14 hours' time. i've just finished watching the making of HAARP (wembley 2007). & apparently there are already videos of last night's (or should i say 8 hours ago's) show. great. they played soldier's poem.

can raya get any more depressing? haha

so let's add to the list of the things i want to do if i can get away with them.

• work my freaking butt off to save up millions, then go on a freaking world tour with them. i mean it. every. fucking. show.

now back to being depressed while watching awesome videos =\


oh btw, someone on the wembley thread just said soldier's poem is a pointless song. for one thing, if u're really a muse fan u'd see the effing point in it. if matt wrote it then it obviously has a fucking point (aku marah ni. aku baru tengok documentary on 9/11 semalam btw). for another thing, kalau kau nak lagu rock heavy metal je, kau pergi concert nirvana la. muse is about feeling the songs ok. get off the board idiot!

haha melampiaskan kemarahan kat sini sebab taknak la bertekak kat forum kan? haihh people.

aku pun nak wish raya

facebook dah, twitter pun dah. blogger je belum. so..

dikala bapak aku dah tukar channel ke supersport2 (tengok tennis)
dikala mak aku dah naik atas panjat katil (kesian dia dari 1 ramadhan asyik masaaaaak je)
dikala abang aku pergi sembahyang jumaat tak balik-balik (alim betul)
dikala kakak, abang ipar serta niece berada di sungai penchala (raya 2-2 kampung dekat memang terbaik)
dikala aku baru sudah basuh pinggan buat kali keberapa aku tak tahu (ni lah dia lauk raya. makan tak kenyang-kenyang. wa nak nasik gulai lemaaaaak)
dikala aku bersiap sedia nak tengok harry potter yang dah sebulan didownload (kempunan nak tengok time puasa)
dikala aku type tak berhenti-henti.
ok dah dah hilyah kawal nafsu.
aku cuma nak ucapkan...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!
MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

aku tau kadang-kadang post aku sangat menyinggung perasaan. kata pun overstatements.
;)

because i'm really not the kind of person who'd delete posts.

if i can get things my way, i'd:

1. work my butt off to earn a fat paycheck just so i can afford expensive (& i mean Coach expensive) handbags & not worry about it
2. learn to play the guitar, then the piano, then the violin, then the bass, then the drums, then the kompang, then the segitiga ting ting.. & the list goes on. i'd learn to play music.
3. buy that white-frame four-poster bed with flowery pinkish sheets.
4. order a built in aquarium as one of the walls in my room. maybe it can be the divider between my room & my toilet.

& when i have all of the above (& more, i'm sure), i'll freaking live with my bestfriends. & date guys as i please

Pink by Aerosmith is on right now (abah's usual clasic rock session). i have eaten too much, despite sakit perut sampai tak boleh jalan since buka. i haven't blogged in days. i just typed out a longass message explaining the "Ikea Realization" as i now want to call it.

i don't know the point of writing this.

maybe i should start seriously considering keeping my clothes in the cupboard. it's nearly empty :)

added after an afterthought: i'm kinda nervous, kinda excited about tomorrow night's takbir session. i'll hopefully have roses to accompany me through the night. i'm going to miss you, buddy. this ramadhan was truly special. it's been a while since i last felt you this near. i love you too ;)

what the hell, it's 2326 hours already?!

gtalk.

i used to think it's fate. but now i'm beginning to think it's just trouble. sebab kalau benda-benda jahat ni senaaaaaang je nak jalan.

& kita pun senaaaaaang je nak ikut.

ye. aku ikutkan saja.