dah layak tukar nama blog ni jadi 'hai, saya nak kahwin'.

looking at everything wedding just hurts right now.

from rings, oh so beautiful rings,

to dresses, oh so divine dresses,

to shoes, oh so pretty shoes,

to my bank accounts, oh how empty you are.

perhaps the biggest dilemma right now is the dress.

do i rent both?

do i tailor both?

do i tailor 1 & rent the other?

if i buy ready made, will it fit me well?

how about the fabric? the quality of the sewing?

& if i were to tailor, will i know how to buy cloths?

& how expensive that's going to be, lace & all?

who's going to sew it then?

how expensive that will be?

will she be able to create what i have in mind?

what if she screws it up?

& honestly, the list goes on.

whoever said money can't buy happiness certainly has never planned a wedding.

i'm not saying a grand showy luxurious wedding will secure lifelong happiness,

but it sure as hell will save about 8 months worth of paranoia, headaches, heartbreaks,

& worse of all, worry.

& to me that's happiness enough.

so..

kakak aku selalu cakap orang kahwin ni murah rezeki.

korang sponsor sikit sana sikit sini pun lega dah hati cheq.

sorang belanja kain lace, sorang belanja beli kasut, sorang belanja hantaq beading.

paling-paling hangpa spend 200 untuk aku.

nanti turn korang memang confirm aku tolong,

aku dah rasa dah hancuq hati macam mana tengok dress comei tapi tau tak mampu.

please?

(sedih gila weh bunyi. hahahah)

the thing about being 'reunited' with my fifteen year old self is that,
it makes me realize i don't feel the slightest bit of shame,
or amusement, of her,
such as 'aww look at her so naive, she thought she had it all figured out'.
honestly, i wouldn't mind turning out how she wanted me to.
i swear to god she's a much better person than i am now.
if only i listened to her,
instead of leaving her behind,
too caught up with growing up.


#np - Linkin Park's Meteora.
the thick of it all,
the simplicity,
oh the simplicity of it all.

the Ikea realization, everyday.

sometimes i realize that each episode of this,

whatever this is,

be it watching a love story,

dealing with uncertainties,

or worse, mood swings,

always follow a specific pattern in a story line,

that is beginning with a question,

which invites uneasiness, doubts, fear,

then climaxing,

into utter panic,

into despair,

sometimes even a made-believe resolution,

only to shortly dissipate into realization,

& calmness,

& knowing for sure,

that this is what i'm meant to be.

the completing piece to your half.

#24

Mula-mula rasa macam malas serta tak ada ilham nak blog.
Tapi since it's only 11 am,
& Ikhwan is a loooong way away from picking me up for lunch,
& aku lapar tahap mamat meja sebelah ni boleh dengar bunyi perut,
maka mari menaip (to drown out the noises).
So I'm 24 now.
This is the first birthday in a veeeery long time that I was actually excited about.
Aku pun taktau kenapa.
Padahal plan asal untuk tunang hari birthday aku tak jadi,
so technically I should be even more down, if not depressed.
Tapi since 15 haribulan (kot. Ke awal lagi ntah) hati dah debar-debar.
16 haribulan tu toksah cerita,
macam-macam idea timbul dalam otak untuk balik awal sebab feeling kerja dah langsung takde.
On my birthday itself, aku tak adalah nak celebrate over-over buat party bagai,
because honestly, originally my day was supposed to be spent, like I said, getting engaged.
So dari dulu dok berangan pagi tu nak bake la masak la kemas rumah la,
then after everything is done nak panggil yang rapat-rapat lepak Rasta or something makan cupcakes yang aku berangan nak bake.
Tapi what actually really happened on the real day was even sweeter.
To begin with, I got to celebrate for 2 whole days.
& I got personal, intimate time with each of those that actually matters.
Midnight was McD with Imara & Apisan,
lepas tu Ikhwan slept over,
& hence begins my 2-day feast.
Breakfast nasi lemak belakang sekolah lauk daging (kecur air liur immediately),
lunch dekat Tony Romas dengan bakal suami,
milkshake & weird sandwiches at Plan B,
kenduri kahwin yang buffetnya awesome serta menggunakan guppies sebagai centrepiece (yang ni memang ingat sampai mati),
burger ramli tengah malam sebab Shy tak belikan McD masa balik dari dating,
(0h yeah, juga Sunway Vivaldi yang awesome-mana-aku-nak-carik-2.2-million?)
lunch ketam with babies around,
starbucks & red velvet cake yang tipu masuk neraka (nasib baik kawan Kina saved the day hantar red velvet cupcakes yang tak tipu insyaallah masuk syurga),
lunch ketam lagi with even more babies,
sushi tei with Wan,
& last but not least meatballs with the March babies (& sorang April sesat).
Seriously, aku ingat balik pun aku amazed.
I managed to fit all that in my freaking tummy.
Nampak sangat birds of a feather flock together,
sebab semua yang ajak jumpa stock ajak gi tempat makan tak agak-agak,
except for Kina la, tu pun sebab dah kena paksa lunch kat rumah dulu.
But above all, I just love the fact that people actually made time to see me,
& take me out doing what I love to do best,
which is eating.
Thank you!
Here's to 24!

the pwoper wishlist

I know I don't need to do this,

tapi sukatilah, ni blog aku.

I just realized I haven't really written a proper birthday wishlist post.

& since whatever I wished for in my first post tak jadi,

here I am selling myself :P

I actually have a 'to buy' list in my phone (that is ever growing, mind),

so I'm going to refer to that.

What I need, first & foremost, now is a trip to the dentist.

I swear to God I'm disgusted with myself right now tapi tiap-tiap bulan rasa macam budget tight sangat.

Babynyiaw, kalau I guna savings kahwin untuk pergi dentist boleh?

Bakal bini you jugak yang nak cantik nanti kan?

Horhor

Next, I need a new laptop coaster/cooling pad.

Tapi yang macam meja tu.

Sebab aku punya kaki dia dah patah :'(

& I need a new phone!

Nokia torchlight pun jadi lah.

My other phone (not you, Ollie) dah bisu & annoying sebab bila orang call taknak bunyi.

Menyampah kat hang.

I also need a new cabinet for my books (yang dah bersepah 1 rumah) serta untuk menampung aquarium ikanku.

Oh pastu bagi peminat setia Hanis Zalikha, hangpa mesti tau.

Aku nak the Korean nose pack yang dia baru post tu,

& also her collagen dust thing.

Kalau dapat kulit macam Hanis Zalikha tak payahlah mak nak tempek foundation tebal-tebal bersanding nanti.

Huuhuu

Lastly (dalam list ni lah) I want a new radio for my darling Bells.

Sebab cassette dah obsolete, sayangku.

& wiring hang dah tunggang terbalik, sat kuat sat pelan.

Tapi aku jugak terima apa jua pemberian dari segi makanan & wang ringgit.

Kalau nak sponsor aku kahwin lagi best :D

Makin lama makin logic kan birthday wishlist aku?

Ini namanya kematangan.

(Juga sebab Matt Bellamy dah ada anak *nangis)

Noise.

I'm kinda worried that my ears are still muffled & buzzing.

It's probably about 18 hours since I saw MC16 at Hard Rock.

It's still buzzing, I swear to god.

So lesson learnt: kalau MC16 tengah main tolonglah, I repeat, tolonglah jangan berdiri dekat dengan speaker.

Kalau dah jeans pun boleh vibrate against my skin,

apatah lagi gegendang telinga.

Takpe, kalau aku pekak for life, aku mintak Emy gadai drum baru dia beli hearing aid untuk aku.

Nasib baik hangpa menang.

Tapi sorrylah, with the exception of this morning, SIRR & Jupiter versi maha seksi yang dok ulang dalam kepala otak.

Kalau OCK hari-hari perform berpakaian ala 'waiter' (bak kata Afiq), aku pun fazed habaq hang.

Lolz.

Sebenarnya malam semalam ada benda lain aku nak cerita tapi aku tak ingat apa dah.

Isu kahwin (lagi) rasanya.

Specifically isu buat loan untuk kahwin.

Haa aku rasa ye lah tu.

So ingin ditekankan di sini,

kalau hangpa semua nak kecoh menegakkan keadilan sangat pasal 'jangan mulakan perkahwinan dengan loan',

hangpa jangan nak banyak bunyi aku buat kenduri tak ajak hangpa.

Duit loan tu nak buat makan hangpa, nak buat doorgift hangpa, nak buat kad hangpa.

Baju nikah aku tailoring RM50 je ok.

Mas kahwin RM80.

Gaji hujung bulan ni pun aku boleh belanja 5 couple nikah sekali.

Had nak buat majlis untuk hangpa yang berpuluh-puluh ribu tu.

Padahal takdak dalam rukun nikah pun.

Kalau betui nak buat belanja orang makan sebab nak bagitau kami ni dah menikah,

aku bagi pisang sorang sebijik pun boleh aih.

Kata ikut kemampuan kan?

Hangpa jangan dok mengata lebih-lebih.

Kalau setakat pi tunggang arak pakai duit allowance mak pak bulan-bulan,

hangpa pun tak layak nak berlagak cool dalam club lagi weh.

Haa ni dah keluaq ni.

Mintak maap la ye.

Ok telinga aku masih berdengung & tetiap kali phone office ni bunyi,

menyucuknya tak kelakar langsung.

Dahlah aku lapar kari.
Ish.

Rant.

Cik abang telah merungut bahawasanya blog aku tak ada update.

Ceh padahal dia cakap pasal twitter.

Eh ke dia memang cakap pasal blog?

Entah.

& beginilah lebih kurang info trafik otak aku semenjak-duamenjak ni.

Berbagai-bagai suara menindih satu sama lain,

Bertelingkah,

Bercelaru.

Boleh juga jadi membincangkan beberapa isu yang tak berkaitan sekaligus.

Tapi so far harini dia senyap sikit.

Since aku 'went full OCD' semalam,

& curahkan semua idea serta data-data yang dok terapung dalam otak ni masuk ke excel,

Aku macam *tutup engine* adoi lega.

Tak mustahil kalau benda ni goes on lagi seminggu telinga aku start mengeluarkan bunyi macam generator.

& aku tak paham kenapa aku dok melalut kat sini padahal tak ada point.

Jadi beginilah rupa orang tulis karangan tak ada isi penting.

Baru aku tau.

Short getaway: Lembah Temir

Since I'm bored out of my wits,

& not quite right in the head,

I will write about Lembah Temir.

Honestly, siapa tak cuak wei nak pergi cuti dengan family bakal.

Extended family pulak tu.

Dahlah tiap-tiap kali tanya Ikhwan siapa pergi,

dia asyik jawab 'semua-semua la'.

Tak membantu sungguh.

Jadi pagi Sabtu tu aku pun bangunlah awal gila,

macam whatthehell hujung minggu bangun lagi awal dari hari kerja?

Anyways, ended up 12 orang je yang pergi,

iaitu (excuse my poyo-ness) Papa, Mama, Ikhwan, aku, Kimi, Anis, Zaki, Fifa,

& kereta lagi satu Aunty Yati, Irfan, Kak Manis & Aunt Millie.

The journey was uneventful,

& to appear courteous aku tak dengar mp3 (poyo lagi),

sampailah jalan nak masuk tu yang sebenarnya bagi aku elok je,

cuma cuak sikit sebab naik Serena & bukan 4WD yang made for adventure.

Bila sampai tempat tu, mak aih aku punya jakun tak agak-agak.

Fave photo (favourite spot, sampai tidur pun kat sini)

Overall, sungai dia aku biasa-biasa je sebab cetek.

It used to be much deeper tapi diorang tambah pasir sampai jadi paras lutut.

Cuma best sebab ikan banyak & jinak (terubat rindu kat guppies kat rumah. haha boleh?)

Tapi waterfall dia terbaik.

& lagi satu aku paling suka makanan dia terlampau awesome.

Especially dinner malam tu, sup daging dia terkenang sampai sekarang.

Adoi la.

& ni favourite spot untuk aku makan sebab romantika uols.

Slack takde candle & rose merah sekumtum je.

Dahlah penat lah nak meng-upload gambar.

Banyak lagi aku tak cerita tapi macam flow tu takde.

So, moral of the story: vacation trips do bring people closer together.

I'm very happy I managed to bond with his family members,

& hopefully everything goes well in the future :)

ni lah namanya orang takde ilham nak menulis,

tapi sebab takde arah tuju jadi bantai tulis jugak.

so lame.

Time & perfect timings.

I think it's bad.

I'm kind of excited about this month,

so excited that I actually made the freepeople March calendar into my desktop background

(but mostly 'cause it's so purrdy).

It's 16 days to my birthday.

I've been rather irritated, but generally.

I was irritated by Ikhwan (but that's normal)

I was irritated by OCBC & Internet Explorer not working well together

I was not so much irritated but rather down by the fact I was home alone with no (proper) dinner,

& fell asleep, waking up cranky.

But i feel all this everyday,

regardless whether it's March,

or it's PMS.

So why am I even talking about feelings?

Anyways, just 'cause I want to add something interesting in my blog,

remember Fuad?

& the whole 'Dear Lya' poyo-ness that I wrote a few weeks back?

I ran into him on the way to Projek Pop last night & he actually recognized me.

Oh the delight of seeing the recognition in his face,

him stopping for me,

& saying my name, or rather, my tweethandle,

shaking his hand,

walking beside him & talking about his guitar bag,

(I still feel he should have performed in his work clothes)

ok enough.

I just want to say, if you want to make it in the artistic world,

appreciate your fans.

However, mister, you gotta stop making my day like this.

It's getting inappropriate :3 (senyum misai bak kata Hairi)

& I still haven't blogged about the trip to Lembah Temir.

So. Lazy.