Day 30 - Whatever Tickles My Fancy (The End)

this last post highlights how tak ada kerja i have been for the past month.

from Day 1 to Day 30, everyday without miss.

plus post-post di luar scope the list.

i kind of can't wait to start work,

just for something to do.

(i hope that doesn't jinx anything)

anyways,

just for something to say,

since i am already the villain & so icky-icky poo to even be around virtually,

i honestly believe if one does not give a fuck, they wouldn't say they don't give a fuck.

betul kan?

for example,

you don't give a fuck about what's happening, in say, alaska right now,

you wouldn't be saying to the next person 'i don't give a fuck what's happening in alaska right now',

instead, the word alaska wouldn't even cross your mind, would it?

well now that i've said it, i kind of wonder if anything's going on in alaska right now,

but really i don't bother to find out because i just genuinely don't care.

get what i mean?
moving on...
... my cat, Chaih, just gave birth,
which signifies i don't quite have anything more to say that actually makes sense,
or that wouldn't draw any reactions from anyone at all, really,
so i shall conclude.
on to Mystery Case Files: Dire Grove!

Day 29 - Hopes, Dreams & Plans For The Next 365 Days

i have just been through postsecret,

& realizing NOT ONE secret matches mine (or my not-so-secret),

is liberating as hell.

well, one does, in a weird way.

& i can't quite explain it anymore,

without ruining it.

& i've just been through such a humbling experience,

which i have Mohd Ikhwan Arif bin Mohd Arif to thank for,

& that, too, i cannot explain further,

because when it comes to him i feel highly possessive & jealous,

& i want to keep it all to my fucking self.

as for the rest, i shall continue later today,

because i so need to sleep right now,

i swear to god i didn't notice the time slip by while playing Jojo's Fashion Show.

teehee.

------

about 20 hours later (2346hrs)

i am so tired i couldn't even lift my hands to shampoo my head just now,

& that was 3 hours ago.

now i'm just existing, & breathing.

soouu.. hopes, dreams & plans?

(in no particular order, as usual)

graduate BBA (Hons) Finance,

wear a pink sash to my convocation,

go through (& survive) internship,

find a real job...

... so i can get married (or at least engaged),

& when that happens, i'm making baby & ariff help us move!

i have one really short term plan though,

habiskan ganti puasa before ramadhan huhuu.

& well.. just live i guess.

continue breathing.

& this is where my brain just go 'enough stress on meh!'

i really don't understand why though,

it's not like lifting heavy stuff requires thinking.

oh well.

i have to go shut down.

Day 28 - This Year, In Great Detail

it's only halfway through 2011.

but then again the title says 'this year',

not 'this past 365 days'.

so a half year update then,

which i honestly do not feel like writing.

because since january all i've been doing is

1. work my butt off through out the sem. yes. it was an utterly crazily busy semester
2. staying at home, going 'nyiaw' at layla (& now ilhan, too) & ikhwan
3. & feeling bad about the fact that my bestfriend no longer speaks to me, which i know is my fault somehow (i figured since this is my blog, why must i bother keeping my feelings to myself right?)

the only thing that has changed, though,

is now that i'm on holiday, number 1 does not apply anymore,

& number 2 becomes my full-time activity.

highlights of this year so far?

(in no particular order) my brother got married, & now my SIL is 10 weeks pregnant,

yaya gave birth to ilhan,

i turned 23 (big deal),

first experience of being in a car accident (wa phobia berbulan wei serious),

went for my first real job interview,

finally went on a trip with uitm (opkim melaka),

you know what,

i don't bother trying to recall anymore.

well if you really want to know, scroll to the end of this page & click older post.

but honestly,

despite this gloomy tone & the 'unawesomeness' of the stuff that happened in my life this year,

2011 has been generous to me so far.

& i'm grateful for all that i still have.

plus the fact that i now know i can cook if i really need to,

change a baby's diaper (with poo in it) when i have to,

& bathe a little girl successfully.

i'd say i've accomplished a lot :)

Day 27 - This Month, In Great Detail

since it's already 2337hrs,

& i am at risk of posting this on the 28th instead of the 27th (my inner Monica will not allow that to happen),

i'll just breeze through this.

i know it's not going to be 'in great detail', but what the heck,

look at my week post.

imagine how long my month post is going to be if it's in great detail.

the month kicked off with (i faintly remember) me freaking out due to not getting an internship placement yet.

i started looking for job posts on jobstreet.com & jobsdb.com,

& randomly sending resumes to any companies that made sense.

aside from that,

ilhan turned 1 month old,

&, ermm.. i honestly cannot remember anything more.

then it was freaking out due to the approaching results day.

though this was kept hidden quite well because i didn't want to stress the mister out

(his intersession finals are mere days after results day),

i remember just failing to function for a few days.

i couldn't even bother about internship.

oh yeah, but the calls kept coming,

& i kept turning them down.

middle of the month, results came out, it was a success, hurray, hurray.

ikhwan's finals was on monday, & we had two interviews scheduled for tuesday,

so i kept myself busy readying the certificates & stuff.

oh yeah sometime before that we found out that zura's pregnant,

& well, this past week you can read about in yesterday's post.

honestly,

june was just downright boring.

everyday it's waking up late for me,

waiting for ikhwan to finish class & come home (to me hehe),

jumping up everytime the phone rings (or everytime i think it's vibrating, but it's not),

browsing through facebook nonstop,

browsing through blogshops nonstop,

checking the blogs that i read (or lately, tumblrs) nonstop,

& checking jobstreet/jobsbd every few hours for new posts.

oh yeah & some drama here & there.

(sila jangan tafsir ini sesuka hati anda. drama yang dimaksudkan telah berlaku di rumah & di rumah alone.)

i really hope july's more meaningful & eventful,

in a good way though.

let's not jinx this internship thing.

so yes!

2347hrs.

burger time.

this is Muse for you, in about 5000 words.

Kerrang! August 2001 via Natalia

imma start using Mike Hunt as my pseudonym from now on :D

Day 26 - My Week, In Great Detail

(memandangkan post ni akan merangkumi kisah 6 hari, aku kembalilah ke format perenggan)

since today is sunday, we'll start with last monday. monday, or the 20th, was finals day. accompanied the enche to uitm, he went to do his finals, i went for some ronggeng session. i didn't sleep the whole night, insomnia, malas nak tidur, you know, stuff. despite that, i drove to shah alam, dropped ikhwan at DSB then went to sina's house. mula-mula tu macam-macam lah perkara mencuakkan jadi, seperti ada orang-orang unexpected datang rumah, serta lipas panjat kaki orang tersebut. then dok borak-borak, aku bantai tertidur tak sedar dunia, sampai miraculously pukul 11.45 aku terjaga, dimana sina tengah lunch & aku kelam kabut keluar rumah nak carikan lunch untuk ikhwan then pick him up from the dewan. aku rasa abang kerja 7e tu mesti pelik tengok aku yang bancuh kopi dalam keadaan mamai. lepak kat study room dengan ikhwan sampai dekat pukul 2, then dia pergi buat second paper dia. aku balik rumah sina balik, then masuk uitm balik untuk pergi office. sina carik details company yang nak pakai intern, aku kutip sijil, lepas tu makan hotdog kat pakmat, then balik rumah balik. Seterusnya adalah session kacau sina pasal results dia (dia still taknak check as at that time) serta gelak guling-guling. tak sampai setengah jam ikhwan dah call, dia keluar dewan awal (gila otai paper MD keluar sejam awal). balik rumah, on the way singgah 7e sebab ikhwan nak coffee lagi. 7e federal tu cool gila kot ada coffee machine siap ada caramel macchiato lagi. sesampainya di rumah aku tidur tak sedar diri (sila refer post Day 20, dimana aku hangover tidur), sampai mama masuk bilik mengamuk serta ikhwan gerak balik dah tak larat tunggu aku bangun. haha padan muka.

selasa was interview day. pagi pukul 10 interview kat wah kong group in PJ. yo yo o punya interview siap buat test la, sesi soal jawab sampai setengah jam la. semangat. macam la nak offer kerja gaji ribu-ribu. settle tu we had lunch kat bawah jambatan. balik rumah walaupun mengantuk tapi sebab nak jaga makeup punya pasal aku pun tahan la mata sampai pukul 3 where we had to go to another interview. ni kat MINC ttdi pulak. yang ni relax sikit, tak tanya banyak, dia suruh cerita je. masuk office dia pun 5 minit je kot. sweet tak sweet, habis interview tu aku & ikhwan jalan kaki balik rumah huhu. then malam tak ada apa-apa yang penting berlaku kot. aku pun tak ingat. ohh yeah selasa was also the day mama pergi dorsett, dia kena buat pameran apa entah untuk sekolah. aku buat bread pudding malam tu sebab gatal. tunggu punya tunggu mama balik, last-last abah pun lesap. rupa-rupanya mama dapat free room so abah pergi join dia tidur sana. hampeh.

rabu pagi-pagi dah kena bangun sebab nak hantar abah pergi ou. bangun pukul 9.15 tu suspen je kenapa rumah sunyi & abah tak ada. ingatkan dia dah chow sendiri sebab malas nak tunggu aku (yes, reputation). tengok-tengok dia yang lagi selamba badak pukul 9.30 tu baru balik dari main tennis. apparently dia dah beli ticket awal-awal so no rush. lepas hantar abah gi ou (abah took the lcct shuttle bus, dia nak ke sabah), aku melangut kat rumah dalam keadaan semi-depressed. kononnya air tak ada, lepas tu petang nak kena settle kucing & ada orang nak datang hantar barang kat rumah. mama pun tak ada. & at the same time parent's ikhwan pun tak ada so dia kena stay kat rumah untuk settle adik dia. jadi untuk aku pergi rumah dia pun payah, dia nak datang rumah aku pun lagi la tak boleh. last-last aku gasak je pergi for lunch, balik semula pukul 4.30, in time kasi kucing makan & mamat tu pun datang hantar barang dengan selamat. malam rabu tu aku betul-betul tak ingat apa aku buat. duduk kat rumah je kot. tak pun aku pergi dinner dengan imara, entah la.

khamis tu aku bangun dah pukul 2, dengan message imara menanti ajak lunch kat homst. baru nak keluar rumah, mama dah sampai dalam keadaan separa tempang serta kesakitan. apparently after standing most of the day since tuesday kat pameran tu, mama pulled a muscle & lutut dia bengkak. so dia call kawan dia suruh datang urut. tapi by petang still sakit jugak, so kitorang pergi klinik. first we went to murugasu, yang kononnya tutup sampai pukul 6. it was 5.30, & since dah dapat parking yang baik punya, kitorang lepak la manila borak-borak, makan shepherd's pie dan sebagainya. pukul 6 tu orang tu kata bukak pukul 6.30 pulak sebab doctor lambat lagi. so kitorang pergi famili, yang dapat parking lagi awesome, serta tak ada orang so sekejap je dah settle. malam yaya & family datang rumah. dalam 8.30 macam tu kena hantar kak milah pergi tesco, & as expected layla kacau taknak bagi tamtam dia pergi, so aku angkut dia sekali drive kereta ayah letak layla dalam car seat. bukak radio, dia menyanyi sakan semua lagu dia hafal, sampai azan pun dia ikut. terang hati betul budak tu. for dinner aku drive thru mcd je. then settlekan surat yang orang MINC mintak (oh yeah lupa pulak, this was the day Pn Aishah tu call & cakap kitorang both dapat intern kat MINC, & lepas tu aku call Wah Kong turn down their offer hehe). lepas mandi settle semua, dengar bunyi macam yaya dah nak balik, so aku lari turun sebab tak sempat nak gomol ilhan lagi. aku dukung peluk-peluk tengok-tengok yaya kata dia pengsan sampai diorang dukung bawak naik rumah pun budak tu tak bangun dah. penangan pelukan ashu hehe. imara came over to lepak sebab dia bosan dan restless, tengok avatar (random), then aku pergi jumpa ikhwan kejap.

hari jumaat mama mc, tapi aku bangun pun dah dekat pukul 4. lunch mama goreng nasi je (kesian ada anak dara tak berapa berguna), lepas tu hantar dia pergi sekolah for her PIBG meeting & aku kena collect file peka untuk mama marking. gila rindu jalan-jalan dalam sekolah & masuk physics lab. dinner mama bawak balik mee kari. then malam sikit yaya & family datang lagi, this time untuk tengok maharaja lawak haha.

you know what happened on saturday, thanks to Day 25 post.

so, today.. ikhwan slept over since parents dia tak ada (again) & anis pergi tidur rumah their cousin. woke up at like 1 kot. pergi SS2 konon nak belikan yaya punya kain (lepas insiden atm card semalam tu), tengok-tengok kamdar tutup. then nak lunch kat mcd tapi mcd full so take away je. nasib baik jugak sebab on the way balik tu kawan abah nak ambik product tapi tak tahu rumah so kena pergi jemput apa benda entah. so dah settle tu, makan then tengok tv la apa la. then ikhwan's mum called sebab anis dah nak balik so dia kena jaga anis kat rumah. went back to his house, lepak kejap, malam beli dinner then after dinner i went home. sampai rumah dah mandi wangi-wangi tengok internet buat hal (still is.. on off on off, gila ke?). so terrajin simpan baju dalam almari. & i've been typing since.

there you go. mungkin post paling panjang ever. tapi agak cool sebab 1) aku ingat benda-benda yang berlaku, & 2) sampai bila-bila aku akan ingat thanks to this post. maybe i should do this masa intern nanti. takde lah menggelabah nak isi logbook nanti kan? nyeh.

Day 25 - My Day, In Great Detail

this will be both detailed & honest.

the day started at midnight with a fight between me & the enche.

10 days syndrome?

highly likely.

then he went to sleep,

& i vented to Pear in the form of merepek-chatting.

i fell asleep in a weird position, with the lights on at about 4 am.

then ikhwan called me at 7 something,

saying he misses me & he couldn't really sleep.

but i was so mamai i couldn't respond,

so he told me to go back to sleep.

at noon sharp mama woke me up 'cause she was going out with the bro & the SIL.

i had to drag myself out of bed to fetch the cleaning ladies.

at 1.30 pm was it? ikhwan left home & took the lrt here.

i bathed (ye, aku keluar ambik maids tu tak mandi. ada masalah?),

& by the time i went downstairs yaya & family was here.

picked ikhwan up, came home, had lunch,

then yaya took mama to see this tukang urut, 'cause mama hurt her knee.

was left home with ilhan, who woke up crying his head off.

then he pooped,

so i changed his diaper,

& while i was wiping him clean, he peed,

so i had to change his clothes,

then he just wouldn't stop crying, so i made him milk,

& that's when yaya came home.

so i ran out with ikhwan to yippee cup,

during which i was supposed to find some cloth for yaya's baju raya,

which didn't happen because i couldn't withdraw her money,

so yeah, yippee cup it is.

then it was jasema to buy wrapping paper to wrap this wedding gift yaya's bringing for her friend's wedding,

during which yaya's atm card healed itself & i finally could withdraw her money.

arrived home, wrapped the present, bathed layla, ate, bathed myself,

then mama went out to get dinner (she was craving for ayamas' ayam percik),

layla was being cranky with youtube,

so made her milk,

& she fell straight to sleep beside ilhan.

that truly made me feel super accomplished haha.

mama came home, they all had dinner while i washed the dishes,

& i've been facebooking since (reminiscing those perak days with ira, how random).

layla & ilhan's still asleep so i really shouldn't be in the living room.

i have a tendency for pinching sleeping babies.

they're so cute.

& so here i am writing this awfully detailed recollection of my day,

which i find to be kind of eventful, compared to other days,

& ikhwan's next to me playing his moon chaser game,

& we just turned 10 months about 20 minutes ago.

yes.

i believe life is good :)

Day 24 - Whatever Tickles My Fancy (Literally Whatever)

first & foremost,

we finally got our placements.

2 best things about it is,

it's at the company which was our first choice,

& we're both there.

so yes,

look's like my recluse-ness will continue as i predict i won't be bonding with other people much.

but really, this is all i can ask for.

honestly one of the things that i'm worried about regarding this internship is my monthly menses.

kalau kena time cramps yang guling-guling how?

at least ni ada lah jugak orang yang pernah handle aku guling/menonggeng/call dia menjerit kat phone sebab sakit sangat please beli panadol cepat/simply whimpered into the phone because i nearly fell head-first into the toilet bowl punya sakit nak pitam/dll.

(yes. my period is THAT bad)

anyways.. cerita dah menyimpang.

niat asal nak tulis dapat tempat practical je.

semalam,

no wait,

more like tengah hari tadi, since aku tidur pun dah lepas subuh,

i had a really unexpected dream.

you know, those kinds yang you feel real feelings.

tapi honestly sekarang dah rasa macam mixed feelings.

i am tired of reaching out but not finding a hand to grab in return.

biarlah kalau orang nak cakap aku ni assume banyak,

speculate banyak,

terasa banyak,

perasan banyak,

tapi aku rasa aku ada feelings jugak kot?

aku layak nak rasa those feelings jugak kot?

which leads back to the whole recluse thing as mentioned above.

but neah..

i won't say anything more on it.

sebab these thoughts, these fears in my head,

yang berkaitan dengan orang-orang yang aku still ada,

scares me to death.

talk about death,

in that same dream i had tadi,

there was this one part where i was travelling on the highway then came to a scene of an accident,

a really, utterly terrible one.

pernah rasa menggigil dalam mimpi?

now that was real.

F the fact this is my 2nd post in 6 hours.

i've just been to exorage's fb page

(yes i know it was very unwise, but i stumbled on the link & it's so very tempting)

yeap.

their stuff are still Muse ripoffs.

despite my obvious lacking in musical knowledge,

i think i can still distinguish between a copycat & a band who's inspired by another.

exorage (& i hope you guys are vain enough to google yourself & find this)

have some creativity.

have some originality.

shame on you people.

Day 23 - A Youtube Video

this CANNOT wait until later.

this is written in the stars kot!

at first i was thinking like,

screw the list imma just blog about this then do the list later.

but day 23 IS a post on a youtube videos,

so stressing on it again, it's written in the stars.

i have to do this now.

anyways, before i post the video & people (if there's any who reads this) go "hek eleh itu je ke",

i've got to stress on how huge a Muse fan i am,

(HUGE. i assure you)

& how uninterested i am in the fashion world,

& how i hate anything & everything mainstream (except nasi lemak).

so to see these subjects together (except the nasi lemak),

i'm taken by surprise.

but honestly,

i am not going to go all 'eww whyyy?! that's so shallow. they're so degrading Muse' on this,

rather, i am quite proud.

this is how big Muse is now..

plus, it's such a great song.

unfitting, yes.. it does sound weird with the video,

but still,

it's a great song.

so..

enough blabbing.

this is Muse, in an official Burberry video.

Day 22 - A Website

i have posted the link to this website before.

waaaaay before.

but it's just epic, i can't bear putting on another website.

(cause really, it's the coolest website ever).

icanhascheezburger.com,

or better known as lolcats.

for hours of LOL-ness,

or should i say LTYC-ness (read: laugh till you cry).

warning: you may come out of the experience

1. dead due to lack of oxygen to the brain
2. with six packs due to excessive stomach-clenching laugh
3. (or simply) brain-damaged

but it's worth it, seriously.

Day 21 - A Recipe

reading back yesterday's post, i just realized if anyone were to read it

(other than you, Mohd Ikhwan Arif)

they wouldn't understand a thing.

no matter.

let's just say yesterday i was hungover on sleep.

on to today's post.

a recipe huh?

well, my favouritest recipe ever,

which is the sinfullest chocolate cake i've ever eaten,

is not mine to give away.

but i like to experiment with other recipes,

mainly cakes,

because, well, i love cakes.

one i recently did was a bite-size butter cake with white chocolate bits in it.

i call it bite-size because is not quite as small as cupcakes,

& yet i can still finish it in a bite (if i really want to).

anyways, it's basically a butter cake recipe with white chocolate added to it.

60g each of self raising flour, butter & sugar

1 egg

a splash of milk (taknak pun takpe)

vanilla essence hingga menjilat jari

&&& however much white chocolate that you please, coarsely chopped paling best.

cream the butter & sugar, add vanilla essence, fold in flour (yang dah sifted), add in the milk (kalau anda mahu) & the white choc.

set oven to 180 degrees, bottom heat only,

bake until a knife inserted into the cake comes out clean,

i can't quite say for exactly how long because i usually go by looks,

& satu cake mesti akan jadi mangsa kena cucuk-cucuklah.

tapikan.. i find it a bit too sweet, maybe because it's white chocolate.

haritu pakai cooking chocolate biasa best gila.

so i guess you can make adjustments.

honestly, i am no expert.

i am not even good at baking.

i bake what i want to eat,

& if i can help it i don't want to share (hence the 60g of ingredients hehe)

oookay now dah teringin nak makan cake.

cheit.

Day 20 - A Hobby of Mine

i'm aware that by posting this, i'll sound like an obsessive bitch who can't bear to miss a day,

which i am,

so here..

my hobby is reading.

as lame as that sound,

like writing your biodata in your friend's sparkly book in primary school,

it's true.

i read cereal boxes when there's nothing else left.

Day 19 - A Talent of Mine

here's a post that probably everyone can relate to.

i am very talented at procrastinating.

i have a list of house chores to be done,

just lying beside my bed since earlier this week.

plus interview stuff that i am currently ignoring.

& here i am writing a blog,

after watching 3 episodes of friends.

so yes.

i'd call myself a professional at this.

Day 18 - Whatever Tickles My Fancy (7 Years Ago)

it's not everyday i get to say 'i remember exactly what i did today 7 years ago'.

7 years is, after all, a long time.

i won't get started on how many days that is,

but yes, it's a long time.

still, i remember exactly what i did right now, 7 years ago.

not quite down to the minute,

but i suppose right about now i'd be dancing on stage,

or maybe

preparing for the prize giving ceremony.

i'm sure i'm way past the food scramble,

where keena's mum saved the night by frying some macaroni & delivering it to us

(& keena's like getting married! that's how long we've come in 7 years).

all this aside,

what i remember most about this night is feeling super moody.

i remember wanting to just get the event over & done with.

i wanted to go home sooo bad.

i remember the girls, with ustazah's permission, wanted to stay on a bit after everyone left,

for some joget lambak session,

& they wanted to order pizza.

but i was just packing & cleaning & scolding anyone & everyone that got in my way.

i called home, mama said wait for a while for someone to fetch me,

but i didn't want to so i walked home,

this late at night.

& the next thing i know

is it's a little past 5 am,

& my whole life has changed.

i now know death doesn't just claim your old grandparents or uncles/aunties,

death claims your friends too.

Day 17 - An Art Piece

i don't know why but when i see the full title for this post,

which has a '(painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)' after the word Piece,

i immediately think of that statue of a Grecian-looking woman with both her hands missing.

but of course i can't blog about her because i, err.., don't even know what she's called!

& really, i am not artsy.

none. zero.

i know the monalisa...

...& that's basically it.

then my mind took me to where i do actually know,

that is the art pieces that my friends/roommates made during my time in perak.

the first thing i remembered was the 'boob tattoo' drawing of me liy k made, & also the 2 birthday cards,

then it went to the dolphin collage sya made us all help her with (i tell you, mounting spray is F-U-N),

& her oil painting, glass collage (yes, glass. if you see the blood on the cloth she was using, you'd think someone lost a finger),

& also liy k's drawings & 3D graphics things.

that was a fun time,

sleeping to the smell of spirit & oil paints,

among others.

so yeah..

forget world famous art pieces,

these ones are way better.

(especially when you helped, then later find out they scored/the lecturers loved it)

:D

on a somewhat related topic,

(since we were talking about uitm, sorta)

yes, the recap of my finals that i wrote sometime in may was no big help.

i basically crapped.

but!

i don't need that stupid old thing.

i'm still on track baybeh!

alhamdulillah :D

Day 16 - A Song That Makes Me Cry (Or Nearly)

ah.
untuk yang ni aku nak langgar peraturan.
sebab isu lagu-lagu ni aku takkan boleh pilih satu.
especially lagu-lagu tangkap leleh ni.
i live for these songs.
& since these songs are usually connected to memories, hence the crying, i won't elaborate further on it.
just a list,
that starts, first & foremost, with Starlight by Muse,
followed closely by Sing For Absolution, also by Muse,
(& when the mood's not quite right) any muse song really, from Showbiz (Unintended!) through Blackholes & Revelations,
juga Resistance (from The Resistance), simply because it's tres beautiful.
& some random ones,
like Dear God and Seize The Day by Avenged Sevenfold.
lagu-lagu yang simpan perasaan,
yang zaps you back in time,
yang buat jadi rindu tapi at the same time mengubat rindu,
but mostly, it's this (quoting Natalia, who quoted Jeff Buckley)
"… If you let yourself listen with the whole of yourself, you will have the pure feeling of flight while firmly rooted to the ground. Your soul can fly outward stringed to your ribcage like a shimmering kite in the shape of an open hand. Be still and listen to the evidence of your own holiness."
because Muse ignites this.

you're probably going to kill me for posting this picture,

but i love you.

i love you.

after Friends; S1 Ep14; The Candy Hearts; the conversation between Ross & Carol

& after everything that happened today.

the forgotten folder,

the surprise visit,

the hunger, even.

after all.

Day 15 - A Fanfic

Fragile, by a certain Phoebe Phoenix.

it was written in 2004, maybe end of 2003.

& i've had it since.

saved a copy of it in my PC.

i don't remember why i liked it so much,

maybe because it has proper english,

unlike those random fanfics by kids.

oh lupa pulak..

it's a love story between Ginny & Harry,

following the days after Sirius died in Book 5.

so yes.. it's a Harry Potter fanfic.

i suppose it's the only genre of fanfics i've ever read.

but.. yeah..

a part from being a good story

(or at least it was good to me back in form 4.. i should probably read it again)

it holds some dear memories for me too.

one of it concerns Poohpid, the first cat i truly loved.

& another, well, someone i dearly miss.

so really.. even if after i read it again & find it sucky,

i doubt i'll ever delete this fanfic.

truth be told, it's the one link that i have to a time in my life before life got complicated,

before i learnt the harsh truths,

before June 2004.

& i guess without really realizing it,

up til today of course,

i've always got kind of a comfort just knowing this file is still in my folder.

Day 14 - A Non-fictional Book

i.. have never read one.

seriously.

reading is an escape to me,

so so far i have yet to see the appeal in reading a non-fiction.

text books aside lah tapi.

or maybe i should just write on the best text book i have ever read?

wait..

are text books even classified as non-fiction?

whatever.

this weirdness ends here.

Day 13 - A Fictional Book

Birth of a Killer,

the latest book (i read) from the darren shan series,

i mean the real, actual darren shan the half vampire kid series,

not lord loss bla bla bla.

Birth of a Killer is the first book on the life of larten crepsley,

who is darren's master.

basically it tells the story on mr crepsley's childhood,

how he met seba (his master) & became a vampire,

how he became a part of cirque du freak,

& possibly lay a foundation on the whole spider thing.

there's supposed to be 4 books in this saga.

the second one (Oceans of Blood) already came out,

but i haven't bought it yet (takde duit),

so really, i can only talk about Birth of a Killer.

it's good, though.

anything darren shan is good :)

Day 12 - Whatever Tickles My Fancy (Internship Rants)

yes. it is already the middle of june,

exactly 22 days before i am supposed to start my internship (as stated on the official letter),

& i am still searching.

but i believe as long as there's life, there's hope. (damn i should have used this as my favourite quote!)

or rather, as long as it's still not the first of august, there's hope :P

it's really a cross between being lazy/swamped with work during the earlier part of the semester,

realizing too late that its, err, too late to start applying,

& kind of being picky,

serta mengada nak intern berdekatan/same place dengan the encik.

i have gone from using orang dalam (which phailed horribly),

to just randomly calling up companies yang kelihatan menarik,

to just randomly emailing resumes to companies yang kelihatan menarik,

to searching for internship offers on job search websites.

if this last one doesn't work, i guess aku extend je lah.

bleargh.

i hate the weekend because it means 48 full hours of no-news-ness.

& i hate weekdays more because no-news-ness means fail-ness.

& now i think i just succeeded in dragging imara out for some shopping,

or shoe-trying, whatever fits my mood.

yeay.

Day 11 - A Photo of Me Taken Recently

pertandingan gambar myspace di putrajaya.

this was taken exactly a week ago (almost down to the minute),

pada malam both aku & ikhwan menjadi rempit-ish.

lepak putrajaya, curik kereta mak sebab parents tak ada & minyak penuh, serta menggunapakai touch&go.

alang-alang, kita snap gambar angle myspace 2, 3 keping.

tapi lepas tu kitorang main kinect,

jadi kitorang still cool :D

Day 10 - A Photo of Me Taken Over 10 Years Ago

god. it's no wonder people sometimes refer to babies as aliens.

this, i suppose, is the very few pictures of me taken over 10 years ago that i have in digital format.

& i really do not want to go through extra trouble just to blog on a different one.

so, silalah..

mata sebelah kecik sebelah besar,

hidung merah menyala (on the real photo you can actually see that i have a jerawat-ish thing on my nose),

senyum konon adorable.

hey.. masa ni baru belajar berjalan ok.

kira cute la tu kan?

hee

Day 9 - A Photo I Took

it was probably a day after our first formal/informal.

or maybe two days after.

but we spent lunch time just talking in a particular kelisa (not mine, though),

parked at a petronas station, because there really wasn't anywhere else that's appropriate.

as usual, i sat cross-legged, & he wasn't wearing his shoes.

& i thought, that would make a pretty picture wouldn't it?

but i didn't have a camera at that time,

& so i let it pass.

the real day i took the above picture, however, i don't remember quite so well.

i know we were still in a kelisa (this time, mine).

& it was definitely after Oct 3rd, because i took this using Andy.

we were getting ready to go out.

& i thought, hold it hold it..

before you put on your shoes, let me snap this first.

it would make a perfect profile picture,

without shoving our smiling, ecstatic faces in other people's.

& so that's how it came together.

a photo i took.

the first public photo of us together.

someone is 33.

for some reason, June 9th will always be an extraordinary day.

not really extraordinary in the fairy tale way,

no, no prince came to sweep me off my feet today.

but unlike other days, i was woken up by an internship related call.

& that's a good thing, really.

so June 9th is still somewhat lucky to me.

however, we can't always get what we want,

so in a way, this June 9th i'm rather down & restless.

no matter.

enough about me.

today is supposed to be about none other than

Matthew James Bellamy

33

father-to-be

& still is an idol to me

happy birthday, sir!

Day 8 - A Photo That Makes Me Angry/Sad

yaaaa.. angry birds.

kerana mereka angry, jadi bila aku tengok gambar ni aku pun jadi angry.

& aku merasa sedih melihat babi-babi yang mati dengan 5000 points.

& kerana aku tidak langsung honest dalam post ni, aku telah melepaskan kemarahan & kesedihan dengan menghayun tangan layla tanpa point.

kalau betul nak letak gambar yang meng-invoke kemarahan & kesedihan,

aku sumpah ada banyak.

tapi aku malas nanti jadi lagi perang-perang, konfrantasi-konfrantasi dan sebagainya.

hahah it's amusing what we let ourselves say masa hormonal kan?

Day 7 - A Photo That Makes Me Happy

at first, while contemplating the contents of this post, i drafted a whole 'sermon' on how i find happiness overrated.

i was going to upload a totally meaningless photo that probably shows happiness,

but holds no depth.

& i'm going to say at this age, i just find contentment being enough,

because you can lose happiness to sadness, or anger, or disappointment,

but you can never lose contentment.

& then i am going to upload a picture of my family, my contentment.

but then i scratched the whole idea.

i'm not trying to impress anyone with these posts, this list.

& really, no one would get what i'm trying to imply anyways.

because everyone have their own contentment,

people have their own way of interpreting things.

& i wouldn't want this to be misinterpreted.

so i'll just keep it to myself.

& post something surface, something shallow,

like this picture

i mean, doesn't that look so cheerful to you?

:)

Day 6 - Whatever Tickles My Fancy (Future Reference)

it came to me as i was scrubbing dried cat poo off my front porch this evening.

i am going to write my future self a reminder,

to not have cats.

heck, to not have pets of any sort.

because, scrubbing dried poo aside, pets are an even more annoying attachments compared to children.

at least you can take children on vacations.

i hardly want to take my cats on vacations.

& well, my fish would probably die on the way.

so yes.

i shouldn't really call this something that tickles my fancy.

i definitely wasn't tickled this evening.

but you get my drift, don't you?

or at least i do.

dried poo, hilyah, dried poo.

& mixed with water, it became poo slush.

now take that image to bed with you :)

Day 5 - My Fave Quote

i've got to admit this list thing is getting kind of old, & boring.

& i don't quite have a favourite quote.

or in other words, i don't live my life according to a sentence someone smart said once upon a time.

but i guess if i were to pick one,

i'd settle with the 'if you love somebody set them free' one.

because at some point in my life i kind of believed it,

& lived by it.

so..

yeah..

what's there to say anymore on quotes huh?

on a totally unrelated matter,

because i really can't wait for tomorrow to post something that actually tickles my fancy,

kinect is super awesome :)

Day 4 - My Fave Book

i'm kind of losing steam here.

i'm getting lazier & lazier.

tambah-tambah gambar wedding dah dapat ni,

& both ikhwan & i are so itching to go somewhere but we don't know where.

anyways..

my favourite book is none other than The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman.

i became obsessed with latin for a while, thanks to this book.

heck, i was just obsessed with it.

read it twice, back to back.

honestly, it's kind of a dark book.

it talks about issues such as death/murder, incest, jealousy/hatred/unrequited love,

but i was just sooo intrigued by it.

mula-mula ingatkan it was just me,

but mama thinks it's a really good book too.

so yeah.

i think i should get it back from yaya.

won't hurt to read it the third time kan?

hee.

Muse - Apocalypse Please

it's truly been a while.

the last post with this label was on the 12th of March.

i have been aware that i don't feel it anymore.

that longing.

that desperation.

that terrible feeling of missing someone,

& not having a cure.

& just when i thought i would never feel it again,

Apocalypse Please came on,

& things become familiar all over again.

Andy's on shuffle.

it's the only way i can listen to music nowadays.

because unexpected songs at unexpected moments is the only thing that can invoke feelings,

such as Apocalypse Please followed by Fury,

such as you.

it's good to know that there is still some sort of natural archive,

storing all this.

till when? that i don't know.

today might be the last.

but as of now, it's good to know.

Day 3 - My Fave TV Program

this is a no brainer.

of course it's Friends.

it's funny,

it never gets old,

& it's funny!

i practically grew up watching Friends.

up to a few years back, even.

if Friends is on (dulu Star World suka repeat), we'd watch it.

semua. dengan mama pun join. abah pun, kalau terperangkap.

tak kira lah episode tu dah tengok 5 kali ke,

or ada cerita best kat channel lain ke,

Friends will win.

hands down.

i have been wanting to download & keep all 10 seasons,

tapi tak terbuat pun lagi.

i should.

i mean, what else is Unifi for right?

ngahah

seriously, i should.

Day 2 - My Fave Movie

i mentioned in yesterday's post how i was obsessed with She's All That,

& sadly, referring to yesterday's post again where i said a favourite something should be a long term thing, i have to say She's All That is not the favourite movie now.

but then, what is?

first instinct would be to say the Harry Potter series.

& well, i guess first instinct is right.

but i've got to say rather than talk about the whole series,

i'll just talk about movie 1 instead.

Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone.

because it is the movie that got me hooked to Harry Potter in the first place,

it is the movie that changed my life.

& compared to the rest of the movies in the franchise,

with movie 2 & 3 being suckballs,

movie 4 being okay but still on the hehh side,

movie 5 was just annoying due to umbridge (book 5 was just annoying due to umbridge, come to think of it),

i'm not going to even talk about movie 6,

& part 1 of movie 7 (now don't that just sound weird) being awesome, but too dark & depressing,

movie 1 is the most cheerful, the most fresh & the most feel-good of them all, right?

they (ALL of them, even Filch) were still so young & cute & like i said, fresh.

the storyline was still light.

it's like a dream come true really,

watching Harry discover his wizard side & explore the castle.

& not to mention, it's the details from movie 1 that we, Potter fans, will carry with us for the rest of our lives when we re-read & re-read the books,

(& also it's this that spoiled the remaining movies so much, because they changed too many details)

so yes.

favourite movie?

Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone.

hell yes.

Day 1 - My Fave Song

i have been eyeing the list on tasha's blog for quite some time now.

i just haven't found the right time to start doing it.

until now of course!

so here goes.

------

dang. whoever made this just had to choose one of the toughest topic as the first one.

i actually kind of expect myself to pick one of Muse's songs for this post.

but i guess a favourite song should be like a long term thing, & Muse is definitely not long term.

or long term enough.

& also, i can never narrow Muse's songs to just ONE best one.

i can never pick.

then i realized that my favourite song is Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer.

it has been so since 1999, when i got obsessed with the movie She's All That (but that's for another post).

& for.. 14 years now.. i have secretly been wishing that my boyfriend, whoever he is at any given time, would surprise me my throwing stones at my window in the middle of the night & start playing the guitar & sing the song to me when i throw open the window in my white nightgown.

oookay. let's not get carried away.

but yeah.. that never happened.

nonetheless, ikhwan made up for it with something way better,

& that explains why i just told that story to the whole of the world wide web.

moving on.

what i like about Kiss Me is it never really had a specific memory or special meaning to it.

& through all the boyfriends & the wedding fantasies that i've had, Kiss Me had always been a part of it,

yet it never truly belonged to a certain time, or a certain someone.

it was my song.

it is my song.

plus, it is such a sweet song isn't it?

i mean, who wouldn't like it? or at least think it's pleasant?

& that should hopefully conclude Day 1 - My Fave Song :)